Thank you!

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We are glad to hear that we have been able to provide support and peace of mind for you. With that being said, we would like to remind you that you are not crazy and to kindly remind you that your feelings, no matter how big or small they seem to you, are always valid.

You seem to be completely aware of your situation and by the sounds of it, you have given yourself and are continuing to give yourself time to figure out what is best for you and grow. We are thrilled to hear that you have such a seemingly loyal and compassionate support system. It sounds like you are on a journey to find inner peace, which is incredibly valuable. We empower you to continue this journey with this mindset, as well as empower you to continue to be aware of these situations, find your boundaries with others, and always remember your worth. You are deserving of kindness. Always remember to be gentle with yourself throughout the process and know that you can reach back out at any time.

Wishing you all the best,
NRS

Thank you so much! You guys helped me calm down a lot. Some of your representatives had confirmed that I am facing emotional/mental abuse. It is so nice to know that I'm not completely crazy.

Friends, teachers, family, my boyfriend, and most people who see me interact with my mother see something wrong with her behavior, but I always thought this can't actually be abuse. I would tell myself that she isn't often violent, I have food, clothing and shelter, and every parent has a right to discipline their child. I would tell myself that different doesn't mean wrong and other people have it much worse. Maybe she is right and I just actually was a selfish terrible person, maybe I am going to "learn the hard way" in the real world. Maybe I am a waste of all the money she makes now. She only said I was ugly because I didn't do the dishes. She only said I was unhealthy because I asked for extra ice cream. She only forced me to eat the ice cream during my panic attack because she bought it with her own money. She only reacts to the mistakes I make. Maybe I don't have depression, or anxiety, and should say potential therapy for those who actually need it. Maybe the only reason I have wanted to kill myself since I was 9 years old isn't because I need actual help. Maybe the only reason I'm suicidal is because I am a selfish, spinless, stubborn teenage who doesn't have enough strength to deal with normal parental discipline. Maybe she wasn't a bad mother, and I was just a bad child.

Some days I hated her, with everything in my being, but then oh look, she got me a pizza, how thoughtful, then I would feel guilty about hating her. I don't hate her anymore. I try to see the good in her. And honestly, I don't think she is a terrible person. I don't think she wants to hurt me. I just think that she is bad at being a mother.

One time I forgot to get out of bed and she had to wake me up for a driving lesson with my Aunt. She proceeds to call my Aunt and tell her things she doesn't like about me right in front of me. Keeping in mind that I didn't even end up being late. When I get into the car with my aunt, after we had been driving for 20 minutes, my aunt tells me that my mother is over reacting and I'm just a normal kid. She tells me about her kids and what they used to do. That was the first time I had heard that it was my mothers fault, by someone who I didn't talk to myself. She wasn't reacting to a rant of mine or something biased that I showed her. She was reacting to my mothers actual behavior, and she says its not my fault.

Part of me still didn't believe her, or my other family, or my friends, or my boyfriend, or my second grade teacher, or my counselor, or my entire Spanish class, or anyone really. But then I came here and you all apparently specialize in this type of stuff. You guys here stories of abuse on the daily, violence, drug abuse, sexual abuse and more, and validated that my situation is also not ok. I'm just a normal kid.

I still don't think my situation is as bad as most of the ones on here. All I have to deal with are a few criticism, threats, and occasional slaps. I have a good support system around me and I can always tell myself every night that at least one person truly loves me. Since I am not in much physical danger, and I have a good support system of friends who are always there to tell me its not my fault, I am leaning towards waiting it out for the 800-850 days I have left until college. I still don't think I'm 100% sold that it is not my fault. I don't think I can ever be. She is my mother, and even though she dislikes everything about me, she gives to me, she sacrifices for me, she loves me. She is only reacting to mistakes I make. If I was perfect, we wouldn't fight like this. But it's nice to know that there is something wrong with her behavior. It's nice to know that she is over reacting. I'm still not going to wish bad upon her, and I do pray for a better relationship, but instead of blaming myself for its faults, I can blame no one.

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