don't know what else to do

[Guest]

I have been going out with my boyfriend for about three months. I know this seems like a short amount of time, and you may not believe me, but we are in love with each other. A few days ago, I missed the bus to school. As punishment, my mother took my phone away. I didn't have time to take the battery out, as I usually do, so she can't read my texts or go through my phone calls. My parents know about my boyfriend, and they liked him. However, after reading my texts (because they are so nosy), they hate him. Apparently, he was being disrespectful to me. He wasn't in any way, let me tell you. My mother tells me to break up with him. I didn't, as you may guess. We have been trying to think of ways to see each other, to be together. He lives half an hour away, and doesn't have a license (he is 16, but does not have the money at the moment). We really want to run away together, but my mother said that if I go missing, she'll call the cops, have them find me, and make sure I never see him again. The only contact I have with him is going on AIM on my iPod after everyone goes to sleep. Theywont let me on the computer, I can't have my cell phone, and I'm not allowed any phone calls from the house phone. They took my iPod away too for a little bit, but I convinced them that it cost money to talk to people on it, and therefore I could not. they're not exactly tech-savvy.
So, what are some ways that, if I were to run away, they would find me? How could I avoid them?
I do love my parents, but they just do not understand. They hate my boyfriend without reason.
Also, I don't wish to leave school, but if I do leave, even if only for a few days, I'm guaranteed to miss some of it. Is there anything I could do about that?
And please, no trying to talk me out of it, offering me family counseling, or other alternatives. I am not acting on lust or anger or impulse, I have though this through.

Thank you for reading this, and I apologize for any typos you may read, I am on my iPod, and I find it difficult to type on sometimes. Thank you again.

[ccsmod1]

Re: don't know what else to do

Thanks for posting on our bulletin boards. It certainly sounds like you’re going through a lot right now and that you really care about your boyfriend. Just so you’re aware, we’re not here to tell you what to do or what not to do. We can’t give you advice, but we can try to offer you information that will help you make the best decision for you. Also, it’s important to know that we don’t have any legal background nor do we know the specific laws/procedures in every state. We do, however, know the general procedures and consequences of running. It’s good to read that you’re really thinking this through and trying to obtain as much information as possible.

You asked about what might happen if you were to run away. First, if you’re a minor your parents would be able to file a runaway report with the local police department. Most police departments will take these reports up until a youth turns 18. This report goes into a national database called the NCIC. This database can be accessed by all law enforcement personal in the country. How the police department responds is usually up to their own procedures. Some police departments may actively search for the runaways, while others may leave that searching up to the youth’s family. Regardless, if a youth is picked up for any reason the runaway report could be accessed. If a youth is caught within close proximity to their family, they are either returned home or brought to the police station so they can be picked up by their parents. If a youth is caught farther away from home, many times the youth will be placed in juvenile detention or a youth shelter until transportation home can be arranged. There are not generally additional legal consequences for running, but there’s no way to know exactly what the police would do. Many states have habitual runaway laws, which provide consequences to youth that runaway multiple times. These consequences could include: probation, community service, staying at a youth shelter/juvenile detention, counseling, etc.

One other legal consequence that’s important to know about is that most states have what’s called “harboring a runway” laws. This is when runaway youth stay with someone while on the run. That person that allows them to stay, and doesn’t contact either the local police department or the youth’s parents, could be at risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. Many states also have laws titled “contributing to the delinquency of a minor”, which could include any kind of assistance that is provided to runaway. Most often, the key pieces of info needed for these to take affect is knowledge, by the assisting person, that the youth is a runaway.

While all youth have the right to go to school, many schools also have notification policies when it comes to runaways. Many schools are alerted when a youth is listed as a runaway, either by the youth’s parents or the police. If the youth goes to school, it’s possible that the parents or police would then be notified of the youth’s whereabouts. When it comes to changing schools, you generally need a parent/guardian’s consent to get previous school records.

We hope this information is helpful. We’d be happy to talk to you further if you have other questions or concerns. Our hotline is available 24/7. We know that you’re not able to call now, but in the future we’ll be here. Best of luck.

[Guest]

Re: don't know what else to do

I've decided not to run. I feel it's too rash and extreme an action. Our plan is to wait until summer and try to convince my parents then to let us be together. Thank you for your help and information, hopefully I won't have to contact your organization in the future.

[ccsmod2]

Re: don't know what else to do

Thank you for letting us know what you decided to do. We are glad to hear that you came to a decision that is best for you. Remember we are here for anything that you may need in the furture. Good luck!

~NRS