my feelings and thoughts

[Guest]

i feel trapped and so badly depressed that i barely want to wake up in the mornings. im disappointed in myself and what ive done in my life so far. i live in a town in the middle of no where, a school that's ran by families with big names and full of ********ty humans. anyway, i wanna get to what's caused all this. it started off with me dating a girl for around a year. we were young and made mistakes, so we broke up. it hurt, first breakup and such. nothing time can't heal. but she lied about me, said that i sexually assaulted her and manipulated her. i loved her and would never lay a hand on her without 100% consent and even then i would have hesitated. i was so hurt and confused, why would someone do that? my grandma had just went into the hospital with sepsis at that time too so i mentally wasn't in a good place. i was so done. gave everything i had and got hurt and lied about, people thought of me differently but knew i wouldn't do something like that. time goes by and i end up sleeping with a girl, it was my first time. she ends up not even a week later lying to the police about me raping her. i never ever forced her to do anything, she was the one who wanted to do anything and i just went along with it. second time this has happened and it looks so bad. two girls lied about me. people start to talk to me differently, call me a rapist and a piece of ********. my own friends still make jokes about it to this day. when i tried to stand up for myself i got suspended from school and kicked off my sports team. i fought through that and thought I was doing good, stopped messing with women at all. But it's stuck with me and people still see me as some piece of ******** even though i never did a ********ing thing. life is the same thing week after week. I'm not happy here. i love so many people here but i feel as if I'm just hurting them by being around. I feel like if i don't get out of this place I'm gonna die. i wanna pack a bag and get out, head east and never look back. there's nothing left here for me.

[ccsmod3]

Hi, thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you have been going through a lot with past relationships and your grandma has gotten sick. It sounds like you have been dealing with the fallout of people’s lies and that your friends have been making jokes about it, which it is not funny. This sounds very overwhelming to be going through this and having no support during it and no one open to hearing your side of things. It seems like because of all this you are wanting to get away, which is understandable. We are here to support as best as we can, so if you would like to talk more about this or some possible options to help, we are here 24/7. Our hotline number is 1-800-786-2929 or you can chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS