I don't know what to do

[Unregistered]

Hello. I'm sorry if this whole message is kind of hard to understand or anything, I've never done anything like this before. Here's the situation... Yesterday, was my prom. I am currently 17, and will be turning 18 in four months. My boyfriend and my family do not get along. My mother had said something to us about being late for pictures and that being the reason we couldn't take them, which is wrong because there was a wedding going on at the place so we couldn't have take them anyway. Regardless, my boyfriend finally said something back to her. He had never done this before. If it wasn't for me, there would have been a fight between my mother and him. He does understand that his comment was rude and uncalled for, and I've told my mother this, yet she refuses to admit hers was too.

Fast forward to today... My mother is basically begging me to break up with him. She claims that he doesn't treat me right, and she says that I should love her and care about her more than him. I obviously cried and had a panic attack about this, and she took that as me choosing him over her. She said that she won't force me into breaking up with him, however, she will never allow me to see him again. I know I'm young, but I do know what love is. My boyfriend and I have been through a lot together, and we are in love. He's basically asked me to marry him. So, to put it shortly, we're pretty serious.

His family and I get along wonderfully!! They're super nice and we all love each other! Now.. I don't know what to do. My mother had emotionally abused me throughout my life, but.. Besides her, I love my family. If I ran away, I wouldn't get to see my step-dad, my real dad, my grandparents, my sister, anybody... I'm scared of leaving them behind... But, I want to be able to see him and be with him, and be happy...

What should I do?

[ccsmod15]

Re: I don't know what to do

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. First of all, it was extremely brave of you to reach out and to be so open with your situation. It’s very courageous to seek support, and we’re really glad you found us. It sounds like a lot of building tensions between your mom and boyfriend came to a head at prom this weekend, and your mom is now refusing to let you see your boyfriend. It also sounds like being stuck in the middle is really taking a toll on you! It’s great that you have your family, his family and him as support networks through this challenging time.
So you’re very close to being 18, but if your state’s age of majority – when you’re an adult in the eyes of the law – is 18 (you can check that here: http://sexetc.org/action-center/sex-in-the-states/, just click on your state and add 1 to the age of minority), then for the next four months there could be some legal repercussions for running away. We aren’t legal experts here at NRS, but we can speak in general terms about those consequences. Your parents have a right to file a runaway report with the police, which means that if the police found you, they would have to bring you home. Police follow up with runaway reports differently agency to agency, particularly with 17-year-olds, so if you’d like, you could always call us and we could call your local police department together to get some answers to how they typically follow up. It is a possibility that they would look at both school and your boyfriend’s house. If you were to run to his house, there could be some ramifications for his parents. The police and/or your parents could push for charges of “harboring a runaway,” which is a misdemeanor in most states, but is an important legal consequence to consider in your decision. It sounds like you’re also already thinking about many of the other considerations around running away, like missing family and friends.
If you were to stay home until you are 18, what would have to change? Could you still stay in contact with your boyfriend? If you’d ever like to talk through any of these questions with a listening ear, don’t hesitate to chat or call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929). We’re here 24/7 to support you. We could also facilitate a 3-way call between you and your mother to facilitate a workable compromise and make sure everyone is heard. Don’t hesitate to reach out if that’s something that would be helpful.

Stay strong!
NRS

[Unregistered]

I still don't know what to do

Thank you for replying, it means a lot... I live in North Carolina, and the age of minorty is 18... My mom has now found out that I've been collecting lighters I find in parking lots or other places and believes that I'm doing drugs, which I never have and never will do... I can't handle this anymore.. I want us to have a happy relationship that isn't burdened by my faults... I'm not perfect, and I never will be... She doesn't trust me, just because I didn't tell her I was having sex, and so now she things I'm hiding everything from her. She thinks my boyfriend is a player, a cheat, treats me bad, and is just a horrible human being and that I deserve someone better. He isn't a player, he's only ever been with three girls, and he's been with me for the past two years. He isn't a cheat, and the only reason she thinks that is because she once read something involving me and him partaking in a threesome. Honestly, that was more or less just random topics to talk about. He would never try to force me to do something like that, and why would I want to? He doesn't treat me bad, not at all! Of course we fight sometimes, but the wonderful thing about that is that we can talk through them together. He makes me so unbelievably happy, it's unreal... As for me deserving someone better.. Right now, he's the best thing. I don't - no, I can't see myself with someone else. I love him. With all of my being. He means the world to me... But so does my family... I don't want to hurt anybody, and I just want to be happy... I can't even think about times he and I have had together without crying, knowing that it might be over a year before I can see him. Once I go to college I know I can. But, a year can be a long time. It's hard for a teenager to go that long without seeing someone that means so much to them. A part of me wants to move out when I turn 18.. But what about college? I know my parents would hate me...

I don't know what to do anymore, and honestly... I kinda wish I could just die. But I know I can't, there's too much I would miss. It's all so overwhelming... I just... I just want my mom to forget about him and never bring him up, but not forbid me from seeing him... I just... I don't know what to do... And I'm not trying to make my mom seem like the bad guy, nobody is... I.. I just don't know what to do...

[ccsmod6]

Re: I still don't know what to do

Hello again,

Thank you for writing back. It sounds like you're still feeling stuck with what to do as things are still quite stressful and overwhelming at home. We are here to help in any way we can. Perhaps you may benefit from talking with us or chatting online. We are limited to our responses over the online forum, and you may receive more immediate services by chatting or directly calling in. It sounds like having a space to vent things out may benefit you greatly as it allows the opportunity to brainstorm some helpful solutions to what you're going through with your mother.

If you would like to talk further about what's going on and/or explore some options and resources, please reach out by phone or chat. You mentioned having feelings like wanting to die. We would like to offer you a resource that you may also reach out to called the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or by visiting www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Your safety and well-being is important. They are a great resource to turn to for depression or if you're feeling like wanting to end your life.

We hope you reach out again soon by phone or chat.

Best,

NRS