Dont know how to get out negative relationship

[Unregistered]

So, I've been with my boyfriend now for 5 years
When we first started we started as friends with benefits, I didnt think it was going to last
At that time I was 15 and depressed since the guy i lost my virginity to, told everyone at my school including my current boyfriend (I didnt know he was going to do that, I thought no one knew him since I was a frshmen and he wasnt in school anymore)
At the same week he told everyone he left to mexico and i never heard from him
I was sad and my current boyfriend was there, me at 15 dumb and naive thought all i needed was a boy in my life someone that would love me
When we started dating since he is a stoner when he would get high he would flip on me and start to tell me im a whore and go on
I have delt with him for 5 years im not sure I can do it anymore
Every time i try to break up with him he would cry and beg me to stay with him otherwise he would be depressed, he tells me im his life and convinces me to stay
Ive been in an abusive relationship with him because he has hitted me before, I promised myself i am going to leave him but he begs me to stay
I dont know if im a coward for not breaking up with him because My heart wants to break up with him
but he supports me for ex, He bought me a phone and pays for it, buys me clothes since my mom is a single mother of four; shes raised us since babies by herself I left the house at 17 to my boyfriends house since I was pregnant but i lost it, now im 19 and unstable sometimes i stay at my moms and when he wants to i'll stay at his.
Another reason is if i break up with him ill have to move back to my moms and i feel like i would bother her since my 25 yr old brother lives still with her and she gets annoyed by it.
I cry almost every night to sleep i dont know what to do
I was thinking of breaking up with him and becoming a ********, but its hard since i have no car and i dont think my mom would approve it
Another thing i been thinking for years is too run away to manhattan and not telling anyone but my mom i know she wouldnt really be worried
I REALLY WAN TO GO RUN AWAY WHAT CAN I DO???
anyways this is my first time telling someone my life since my boyfriend doesnt let me have friends
thanks please answer back

[ccsmod6]

Re: Dont know how to get out negative relationship

Hi there,

Thanks for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you've been through a tough relationship with your boyfriend. You mentioned he has been abusive toward you and you've tried to end the relationship but somehow find yourself going back to him. It can be difficult to leave a relationship for different reasons. As you mentioned this being your first time expressing how you feel, it may help to talk to a counselor or a trusted adult to help weigh the pros and cons of staying in a relationship with this person. You do not deserve to be mistreated or controlled by anyone.

You may benefit from talking to someone at National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474 and also visiting www.loveisrespect.org. These resources may help you to talk about the relationship concerns and issues you have.

It seems family is a place you may consider turning to, but you may be feeling like you would be bothersome if you returned home. If you feel you have no place to go, we can always try to locate shelters or transitional living programs in your area.

If you would like to talk more, explore your options, or receive some resources please reach out by phone or chat soon so that we may help.

Be safe and take care,

NRS

[Unregistered]

How to get out a negative relationship

Hi there,

Thanks for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you've been through a tough relationship with your boyfriend. You mentioned he has been abusive toward you and you've tried to end the relationship but somehow find yourself going back to him. It can be difficult to leave a relationship for different reasons. As you mentioned this being your first time expressing how you feel, it may help to talk to a counselor or a trusted adult to help weigh the pros and cons of staying in a relationship with this person. You do not deserve to be mistreated or controlled by anyone.

You may benefit from talking to someone at National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474 and also visiting www.loveisrespect.org. These resources may help you to talk about the relationship concerns and issues you have.

It seems family is a place you may consider turning to, but you may be feeling like you would be bothersome if you returned home. If you feel you have no place to go, we can always try to locate shelters or transitional living programs in your area.

If you would like to talk more, explore your options, or receive some resources please reach out by phone or chat soon so that we may help.

Be safe and take care,

NRS

I cant talk to anyone
I never had a mother daughter talk, i have never told her anything about my relationship... i just act happy with everyone, abd just stick my problems to my self, im going into the point where i think of suicide.. i feel ill just live forever pain free.. this isnt who i am, i used to be soo happy and popular i never thought it would be me going into websites like this.. i just really need someone to hear me out