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  • Love from a distance.

    I'm in a very amazing relationship with someone. He and i plan to be engaged. But, the problem is that he lives 1,600 miles away. He is all i have. He's my best friend. He's the love of my life. (by the ways, he'll soon be turning a 18. but i'm a bit short of that.)
    We've both been thinking of how great it would be if i lived there.
    He doesn't like the family i live with. They don't treat me to well.
    He and I talk about how I'm most likly going to move there after high school. And how we could visit eachother every few monthes. But, it seems all wrong. I need him now. And please don't just tell me to wait.
    I'm been thinking of just leaving to live there. I have everything worked out.
    I have enough money for a bus, or plane ticket. I can bring what i need for a couple weeks, and send the rest by mail to his house before i leave. His father has a room for rent upstairs from them, and said it would cost 400-500 dollars a month.
    Of course i would attend high school. I could get a job to pay for the room, food, and clothes. If i needed help, i would have him.
    The only thing stopping me is my family. Honestly, i want to leave them. But they wouldn't want me to leave. They would most likly call the cops to come after me, or simply come after me themselves. Then the trust between us would be gone.
    I think that if i waited til after high school was over, then i'd be 18, and i would have money saved up. My family might then support me with the money i needed.
    By the day it kills me being away from him.
    I'm close to leaving. so close i keep a small bag packed in case i have a rush to leave.

    Please help?

  • #2
    Re: Love from a distance.

    Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Switchboard. We are glad you chose to reach out to us today. It sounds like you have a very strong relationship with your partner and that you are excited for your future together. That is awesome that you guys have each other and that you feel like you can depend on him.

    It sounds like, rationally, you know that it may make sense to wait a while before moving to be with your boyfriend. You said that you think that if you waited until you graduated from high school to move, your parents would be supportive both emotionally and financially. Also, by then, you would be a legal adult and so your parents would not be able to report you as a runaway. Conversely, you believe that if you left now your parents would call the police on you. Furthermore, it sounds like if you left now you would have to work and go to school at the same time, which might be difficult. We certainly aren’t here to tell you what to do, but from everything you told us it sounds like you know it may be more practical to wait until you graduate.

    This, of course, probably does not ease the pain of your heart. It must be very difficult for you to be far away from your partner. How long have you two been together? Has it always been long distance? How have you been coping with the distance so far?

    You asked for help at the end of your post. We are definitely here to help. What sort of help are you looking for?

    If you are willing and able, you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are here 24/7.

    Best of luck,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Love from a distance.

      Thanks so much for replying.
      And to answer your questions,

      How long have you two been together? -We've known eachother for 4 years, and have always been close. but over the past year we've made it offical.

      Has it always been long distance? -Yes it has.

      How have you been coping with the distance so far? -I'm surviving. But, it kills me more and more everyday. I talk to him on the phone from 9 to 5 or 6 in the morning. We usually fall asleep on the phone together, because we feel closer that way. It kills me that i can't talk about him to my parents. They know i like him, but they don't know at all whats going on between him and I. They're pretty protective of me. I'm scared to tell them about it, because i think that they won't let me talk to him any longer, and shut off my phone, and never let me visit him (which i might be doing this summer, and if not he's going to come see me).

      What sort of help are you looking for? -I'm sorta needing someone to talk to. But at the same time i need someone to answer my questions. like, What would happen if i ran away? Could my parents call the cops? Could i be sent to juvy? If i did go to live with my boyfriend, would i be able to get a reasonable job to pay for food, rent that room, and stuff?
      I guess i just need someone to answer some questions. But i don't want to call your phone number because it would show up on the cell phone bill, and my parents would find out what i was up to.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Love from a distance.

        Hello,

        Thank you very much for reaching out again and sharing with the National Runaway Switchboard. We appreciate your willingness to confide in us and your ability to pay attention to your own needs. Your narrative is very sweet and moving. It sounds like you have a real grounding on your life despite the obstacles you are now faced with. However, your thoughtfulness and consistency throughout your relationship's history gives us hope that you are on the right path. It also shows maturity on your part that you are willing to take proper measure before making a move.

        To revisit one of the issues from your last post about attending school in another city, we felt is necessary to elaborate on that a bit more to clarify for you the expectations of transferring to a new school. Usually, it is the right of your parents to decide what school you attend when you are still a minor. Therefore, if you were to leave home before you turn 18, this could mean that you are going to face some difficulty attending another school. You certainly have the right to an education but as a minor it still has to involve your parents in some instances.

        You are glad that you have maintained a relationship/friendship with your partner for the last four years. That is quite an achievement especially with the distance. It sounds like you have figured out a great way to cope. What are some alternatives to coping for you outside of just surviving? What do you do to relieve stress? Do you journal or find time outside the house more often to escape? It must be hard for you to not talk to your parents about your partner. What are the chances of announcing to your parents that he is interested in having some face time with them when he comes to visit in the summer? What are the chances of your parents understanding that distance is what is lacking in meeting him versus their refusal to actually meet him? Is there a big age difference with you and your partner? We imagine that the last thing that you need is to lose him if you choose to let your parents in on the situation.

        Now, to answer the main questions you ask: Calling us is confidential on every bill your parents get. If and when you choose to call us we are not listed at the number your use to call on the bill. It is likely to show up as all fives and it is whether they ask and you tell them. However, they are not able to figure out our number from only a bunch of fives. Therefore, we encourage you to consider calling so that you can vent to one of our liner and get some support. We can also provide local resources in your city and continue to work with you to figure out a proper plan. We can be reached at 1800RUNAWAY 24 hours a day for assistance.

        If and when you run away, your parents have the right to file a runaway report on your behalf. The purpose of the report is to protect your parents from charges of neglect if something bad were to happen to you and also to verify you as a runaway if you are found by the police. The answer to your question is that your parents have the right to call the police but it is the police's discretion to take the report or go looking for you. Runaways are handled based on where they run from, not where they are run to. In terms of juvenile detention, we are not fully aware of all the consequences of it and how you get there. We know that you have to do a lot to get send there and that many parents threaten their children so that they do not run away. However, laws vary from state to state. It is best to consult the local police to answer such matters. If you choose to live with your boyfriend, that can be harboring and if your parents issue a runaway report on you, it can be hard to find work on the books because most employers cannot hire a runaway. Apart from needing a history of rent from previous landlords, it is something of age limits to get permission to rent also. You can face more obstacles but you can probably work off the books and figure out other ways to get food such as food pantries, etc. We are here for you to answer any other questions. We wish you all the best and please stay safe. Good luck.

        -NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Love from a distance.

          What are some alternatives to coping for you outside of just surviving? -I try to keep my mind off of how far away he is. So i read books, teach myself the piano, paint, etc. I don't have many friends. Actually i just have my boyfriend and a friend that goes to my school. But, that's it.

          What do you do to relieve stress? -I talk to him anytime i can. We joke around alot which makes us have somewhat of a relief. I also make large canvaes of art, and i break up glass and glue them on to look like things. I also do what i call 'angry pianting' which is where i take buckets of piant outside with plastic rug thingy, and i take a canvas and lay in across the driveway and just slap paint everywhere, that calms me, and then once i find somthing in the splats of paint, i finish it. usually it ends of being somthing about my boyfriend, it makes me feel very warm when i hear his voice, and when i see his picture. Thats why i love painting him so much....

          Do you journal or find time outside the house more often to escape? -I have a journal i write in everyyy day. I also write stories, mostly on romantic, or murder, etc. And I can't escape from my house very easy. Considering i dont have but one friend who lives near me, i don't do many places.


          I'm not sure if i put this in the first post i made, but, my parents don't treat me to well. Like, they love me and everything. but they always make me out to be the bad guy. I get yelled at contantly for doing nothing wrong. They wish i were more like my sister. (beautiful, thin, smart) My mom seems to not care what i think. My dad and i have always gotten along, but since ive been talking to my boyfriend every night, hes being very rude and protective of me. I feel sorta uncomfortable around him somtimes. He'll rub my arm (it feels wrong when he does it). When he wakes me up in the morning he puts his hand on my butt and rubs it until i wake up. Just little stuff like that makes me feel very uncomfortable, but i'm very told anyone before because im affraid its all in my head. I dont know.

          What are the chances of announcing to your parents that he is interested in having some face time with them when he comes to visit in the summer? -Um, i think i could do that. I don't think theyd have problem with him coming here and us hanging out here when he visits, but they dont want to just send me to boston by myself.

          What are the chances of your parents understanding that distance is what is lacking in meeting him versus their refusal to actually meet him? -I'm not really sure. I think they would want to meet him if he lived here. But, they think he's bad news cause he's a senior in high school. And that he lives in a big city.

          Is there a big age difference with you and your partner? -He is 17(almost 1, I'm 16(almost 17). Our birthdays are coming up in april.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Love from a distance.

            Thank you for contacting us again and continuing to answer our questions. It sounds like this is a very difficult situation for you but it also sounds like you have a lot of strength.

            It can be very difficult to talk to your parents about a relationship. You said in your previous post that you don’t think they would have a problem with you having some face time with him over the summer and it seems like their main concern is twofold; you think they may have a problem with his age and with sending you to the city by yourself. Do you think that you would be able to talk to them about where your relationship is headed? Do you think there may be other reasons they are not comfortable with the relationship?

            You also mentioned that you have known your partner for 4 years but that it’s always been a long distance relationship. How did you guys meet?

            It seems as if you have some good coping strategies and stress relievers in place for yourself. Do you feel comfortable talking to your friend about how you are feeling? Is there anyone else that you feel comfortable talking with (i.e. school staff, trusted adult, and counselor/therapist)? If you are interested in speaking with a professional (counselor, therapist), we can help you find one in your area.

            You also said that you write in your journal every day and that you enjoy writing different stories. Does this help you to feel better? It also says that escaping your house isn’t very easy since you only have the one friend. Does your school offer any after school activities or options? It seems like you are very interested in art, maybe that’s something they have. This could also be a possibility for meeting new people.

            You briefly mentioned in your first post that your parents don’t treat you well. Thank you for giving us more details about that. Are you able to talk with your parents about how you are feeling? You mentioned that your mom wishes you were more like your sister. What is your relationship like with her? Do you feel comfortable talking to her? You also mentioned that you don’t feel very comfortable around your dad. How long have you felt like that? Do you think you can talk to your mom or sister about it? What do you think they might say?

            If you would like to talk to someone about how you are feeling, we are here 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY. Our line is completely anonymous and confidential. We look forward to hearing from you.

            Good luck!

            ~NRS
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Love from a distance.

              Do you think there may be other reasons they are not comfortable with the relationship? -They've never met him. He's older than me. He lives in a big city. They think im too young to be in love. I'm the youngest child so they're really protective of me. I can't think of why else they would'nt be comfortable with it.

              How did you guys meet? -We met though some friends about 4 years ago, it was coming into second semester and he was moving, and we had a really fun time hanging out with eachother so we hang out until he left. We just started talking more and more. And then we hadn't talked for about 3 monthes in the middle there and my family went on a cruise and we ran into eachother, it was crazy. So from then on, we've been dating.

              Do you feel comfortable talking to your friend about how you are feeling? -Sorta...but she thinks i'm overreacting. She isn't the best friend in the world either.... But, she's all i have. I sorta just keep my feelings to myself. or talk to my boyfriend about them.

              Is there anyone else that you feel comfortable talking with (i.e. school staff, trusted adult, and counselor/therapist)? -No no no. If i were to bring this up, they would just tell my parents, and that's just...not good. But i do have a question. If you were to find a professional for me to talk to, would they have the right to tell my parents if i talked about all this? because the only time ive talked to one, they just went and told my parents everything i said.

              Does this help you to feel better (journaling)? -Yes, in some ways it does. It just sorta keeps my mind off everything.

              Does your school offer any after school activities or options? -A little. But, i'm not really into sports or anything. They might have something for art, but, my school is forcused on sports more than art. =[

              Are you able to talk with your parents about how you are feeling? -No i can't. They think since they give me material things that they treat me right. Whenever they yell at me, or say somthing completly horrid, they just buy me somthing. And they think they can say whatever they want if they buy me things.

              What is your relationship like with her(my sister)? -It's.....fine. She's in college. She thinks shes alot better than me in many ways. Any time i bring somthing up about going to see my boyfriend (which she thinks is just a friend) she totally flips out, she tells me that we dont have all the money in the world for me to just up and go see him. She thinks im very selfish... To my parents, i'm always the bad guy. You see, I've always had a different style choice. And a different state of mind on everything. They don't like that. My sister has always been preppy and perfect. They like that. I do not feel comfortable talking to her.

              How long have you felt like that(around my dad)? -Probly the last few monthes. I first i just thought it was his way of showing his love, now...it creeps me out.

              Do you think you can talk to your mom or sister about it? -No.

              What do you think they might say? -They'd say i'm overreacted, and thats his way of showing love. (he doesn't act like that to them...just me...)

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Love from a distance.

                Thank you for opening up to us even more. We are happy that you have been able to tell us so much about your life.

                It sounds like a lot of your relationships are strained or difficult right now. You don’t feel as thought you can turn to your parents, your sister, or your friend. That must be very difficult for you. Are you interested in trying to improve the quality of these relationships? We are glad that you are able to talk to your boyfriend about your feelings. What does he think about the situation?

                In terms of speaking with a counselor, the regulations on access to services and confidentiality vary from area to area. If you called us, we could do a conference call with you to a counseling agency in your area so that we could find out their specific policies. This way, you would know in advance what sorts of services you can confidentiality access and for how long. What do you think about this?

                We know you said you don’t want to call us from your home phone and we certainly respect that choice. But, we feel as though we would be able to help you more effectively if you called in. Do you think you could use a pay phone when you are at school? Or your friends phone? If you don’t want to use your home phone, what other lines are available to you?

                You sound like a very strong and mature young woman. We hope that you are able to continue to use your existing coping mechanisms and create new ones so that things might not be so difficult for you.

                Take care,
                NRS
                Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                National Runaway Safeline
                [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                Tell us what you think about your experience!
                https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Love from a distance.

                  Are you interested in trying to improve the quality of these relationships? -I am...but at the same time. I think if i bought up what has been going on with me latly, they wouldn't trust me. I don't think they are open to being any closer than they already have to me.

                  What does he think about the situation(my boyfriend)? -He thinks im in a tought place right now. He really wants me to get out of my house. He doesn't like the way my family treats me. He's said maybe i just need to get out of there. But he also doesnt want me to end up in any sort of trouble. He said he can wait until im out of high school. But its very hard for both of us.

                  I might call you guys... The only thing i am worried about if i use my cell phone is that my parents will see the number and call and try to get the information on me. and they will try to use me calling you guys as an exuse to put me on house arrest or somthing.

                  Do you think you could use a pay phone when you are at school? -I could try, but i also think it would be a very large conversation talking to you guys, and i wouldn't have enough time.
                  Or your friends phone? -I asked her, and she said that it isn't a good idea calling. so she said no.
                  If you don’t want to use your home phone, what other lines are available to you? I could use my cell, but my parents look at every call i make. They don't trust me at all. Even though i've done nothing wrong.

                  Latly, i've been having bad thoughts.
                  Ive been thinking maybe everything would be easier for everyone if....i just wasn't alive.
                  But i couldn't do that to my boyfriend.
                  I know if i don't have someone soon, i'm going to make a bad rash desision.
                  I need a plan, and i need it quick.

                  Is there someone i an instant message over the computer?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Love from a distance.

                    Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions. It seems you have thought a lot about your situation and we are glad you were able to use our bulletin services. In addition to some of the other issues, it sounds like now you are having what you describe as “bad thoughts.” If you are seriously considering suicide, there is a National Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-TALK. We know you have expressed disinterest in using the phone, but do you think you could make an exception in this case? If calling is not an option, there is also a website, http://www.nostigma.org. This is the National Mental Health Awareness Campaign's website and has a section called "I need help now" if you find you are in immediate danger.

                    In regards to your question on instant messenger, that is not something we currently have at NRS. However, you are more than welcome to call us at our hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY. We hope that you are able to stay safe and wish you luck with everything.

                    -NRS
                    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                    National Runaway Safeline
                    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                    Tell us what you think about your experience!
                    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Love from a distance.

                      Thank you for trying to help in any way that you can.
                      I know that there is basically only one way to get help, and that is to call.
                      I'm seriously considering calling you guys. And i hope that i end up doing so.
                      In any case, im very very greatful for you help.

                      I'm sorry to say, i will not be visiting the health line or website.
                      This is not a health issue, this is a problem that i am stuck in.
                      I'm glad you tried to help me, but it seems like at this point whatever
                      i do is in my own hands. I've had time to think this through, and of
                      course i am going to stay here and finish out school. My boyfriend
                      and i will take visits to eachother until that time. My boyfriend is very
                      supportive of me, and i hadn't fully relized that when i first posted this
                      bullitien. I know it hasn't been long, but over these last few days i've
                      been very upset about it, and my boyfriend has helped me through it.
                      I've relized i'm not in this alone. He is in pain too. But we have to get
                      through everything to spend our lives together.


                      Update: My boyfriend made a special visit to me tonight.
                      He is staying for a week. I'm oh so happy about it :]
                      This surpize got my attention that i was not alone, i never
                      was. He set up a marvilous evening. We are now engaged
                      to be married. He sents his thanks to you guys, because
                      you sorta opened my eyes a bit (even though it was only
                      a couple bulliteins).

                      TO EVERYONE WHO READS THIS:
                      'you are not alone. everyone thinks they are alone at one point or another,
                      but in fact, if we're all alone, we're all in that together too.'

                      Sincerly,
                      Icemaiden

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Love from a distance.

                        Thank you for sharing your entire story with us at NRS. It sounds as if you have a very good head on your shoulders and that you are really thinking through your options.

                        If you ever feel comfortable visiting any of the other agencies or websites that you’ve given us, they may also be able to give you more options. We are glad that you are considering calling us. We are a confidential and anonymous hotline so nobody would know that you called.

                        Congratulations on your boyfriends surprise visit! It sounds like you guys have a very strong relationship and that you really care about each other. We wish you luck!

                        Remember, there is always someone here if you ever have a difficult situation that you need to talk about. We look forward to hearing from you and good luck with everything!

                        ~NRS
                        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                        National Runaway Safeline
                        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                        Tell us what you think about your experience!
                        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                        Comment

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