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None of my family understand

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  • None of my family understand

    I'm fourteen and I've been feeling drastically different than I used to and started self harm ~8 months ago... I told my parents ~4 months ago, and got a psychologist and medicine, but I feel like it's progressed but I'm just muffled from telling anyone.. Every time I see my psychologist, she asks me if I've done any self harm, and I know I need to be honest, but I always lie to her and tell her I haven't. Sometimes I feel so angry and sad and pitch-black that I feel like people can see through my face, but it never happens. The past few days I've been thinking way more about death and suicide and I'm starting to think about when I'll sneak knives into my room or what drugs I could potentially down. This relates to mostly my mom and my sister because my mom, I know she wants to help, but she seems so frustrated when the topic is introduced.. I know it is because she wants to help me and can't, but it hurts my feelings when she is angry at me and it makes me want to cut. My sister makes me so enraged.. I know she is my sibling so that's normal, but she is overly rude, nosy, and it hurts me. She listens in on my private conversations with my parents about my feelings and health, which is supposed to be kept between me and my parents. Not only that, but yesterday she came in to my room with no context and told me, "I know you're depressed and stuff but you'll get over it.". It hurt my feelings knowing she just listened in (I know my parent's would not reveal what's going on without my permission), but what makes me more hurt is how she doesn't understand how "getting over it" isn't like that. It comes to my thought while writing this that I'll include that my sister's "getting over it" is my suicide, in my suicide note (don't jump to conclusions, I have it in my head, I'm not that far down yet). Sometimes I think about telling my mom I want to die, but I usually feel like telling her when it's really late, like 1-3 in the morning, so I usually end up cutting and then thinking for a while.

    I have no clue what to do and I really need your help

  • #2
    Reply: None of my family understand

    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

    We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now.
    It sounds like you’re battling with having suicidal thoughts and the lack of understanding from family.
    Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

    The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
    Sometimes others may not be able to understand or grasp what you are feeling. It sounds like it would be helpful if they would listen and not pry or get angry.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Perhaps you will feel comfortable sharing your true feelings with your Phycologist.
    We are glad you found a positive alternative to communicate your feelings and frustrations by reaching out to NRS. Good for you.

    We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this difficult time.
    If you would like to talk more in detail and explore some options in coping with negative feelings, please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); (click on the chat button).
    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Be safe and stay strong,

    We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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