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My girlfriend wants me to run away from home and live with her stepfather

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  • My girlfriend wants me to run away from home and live with her stepfather

    So recently I've been moving fairly frequently within PA and I just recently moved in with my mother here and things have not been great. I now live an hour away from my girlfriend and don't see her nearly as much as I used to. My mother and my stepfather are here with my little brother and they struggle financially. As in, every month I worry if the bills are going to be paid. My mother signed me up for Cyber School when I first moved here, and she has gotten everything set up except Wi-Fi to actually get ON the computer and receive instructions on how to operate the system. It has now been at least 3 months and I'm still not in school, she has apparently gotten the letter informing her if I'm not in school by a certain date there will be legal issues. They cannot afford to get me a state ID therefore I cannot get an "on the books" job around here. I am 17. I do not have a room nor is a bed, the house small so I sleep on the recliner in the living room. My clothes are in bags and whatever two drawers they could clear up for a fraction of my items. I am seeing my girlfriend this upcoming Saturday and she pitched an idea to me; she said essentially I can bring a bag and when I leave and go out to the car while my mother is busy working, basically they leave with me and don't take me back. From what I heard last my grandmother still has FULL legal custody of me since I was a toddler. My girlfriend said I can talk to her about it and see about her writing a sign off handing over custody of me to her stepfather. I would be living in a separate household from my girlfriend, reducing the drive from an hour to around twenty minutes. Keep in mind though, I don't want to leave purely to see my girlfriend. I've been having educational issues for the last couple years and during one of my transfers to a new school they had lost some of my credits, keeping me in 10th grade. I was told if I could do enough recovery work in Cyber School I could manage to get 2 years done in one and hopefully graduate next year. But due to not being in school for months, I doubt I will be able to do that now. My girlfriend and her stepfather explained I would have a room and be in school immediately, and I know her stepfather is a lot more financially stable than my mother, so I would at least be able to get that worry off my chest of the bills being paid. I would also be able to get an ID quickly and hopefully obtain a job in the area. Also, her stepfather is a state police trooper. He explained he has connections to help me with the military, since that's what I've ultimately decided on my next step being after school. I tried to discuss this with my mother over a month ago, to which she said I can wait until I'm 18 if that’s what I really want to do. After explaining all the benefits and how many more opportunities I could have living there, she overall got out of it that I just want to see my girlfriend more. I don't turn 18 for another 10 months, and I need to get a grasp on my struggling position right now. But the anxiety of this decision is killing me inside. My relationship with my father and I basically fell apart resulting in me moving here, so I've lost my relationship with one parent. I feel as if I do this and my mother will obviously find out, she will not see that I'm doing it for my future and result in her to never trust me again. Our relationship would never be the same. I'm afraid to lose another parent, but I want to take hold of my future now while I can. The constant negative impacts lately with school and family matters has left me with no self-esteem or confidence. I feel extremely worthless and embarrassed of myself, to the point of constant every day suicidal thoughts. What should I do?
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 12-11-2018, 05:39 AM.

  • #2
    Reply: So recently I've been moving fairly frequently within PA

    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

    We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on.
    We are sorry that things are not going well between you and your mom. Moving seems to have made things pretty difficult for you. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by the living arrangements, some financial and educational concerns . It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change.

    Your safety and well-being is important.
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.

    We understand that the situation has not been an easy transition but on the other hand it seems that you have support from your girlfriend and her father. It must feel nice to have them in your corner. Good for you. You mentioned that you think it’s possible that your grandmother still holds legal guardianship of you. That could work out in your favor but you might consider reaching out to her to see if she has some form of documentation verifying her legal guardianship. If she is your legal guardian perhaps you might then ask her to speak with your girlfriend’s father about possibly transferring guardianship over to him. We would like you to know NRS is here to listen and here to help. Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of.

    Things may not be as you want them to be at this time but it does not mean they won’t change for the better. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this.
    Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); (click on the chat button).

    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Be safe and stay strong,

    We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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