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My dad wants me to move in with him

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  • My dad wants me to move in with him

    Im 16 years old about to be a junior in high school, my parents got divorced when i was about 5, I used to spend weekends with my dad but now that i’m older I only see him occasionally for lunch and stuff, but we are still close. He recently moved a couple hours away and he asked me to move in with him. My mom is a great person but she doesn’t know how to handle pressure and has a really avoidant personality, which has taken its toll on me. From not having health insurance to her not paying her tickets, staying with her mentally abusive husband. She recently got scentenced to 30 days in jail because she didn’t pay her speeding tickets and was driving without a license. She can apply for house arrest which would be a lot better for the family, but the thing is I’m 16 years old. I should not have to worry about these things. I shouldn’t have to worry if I have health insurance or not, I shouldn’t have to worry if we’re going to be able to pay rent, I shouldn’t have to worry about my mom going absolutely insane due to my step dad. I don’t want to worry but I do. My sister and her boyfriend live here, along with my 3 year old nephew and my 4 month old niece. I love them both to death but I’m stuck here babysitting all hours of the day while they’re at work, I’m like a second mom to these kids at 16. I’m too young for this and I shouldn’t have to deal with it. I was on two different medications last year due to my depression and anxiety disorder, and I had it under control. But the whole health insurance thing got messed up and I had to stop taking them both cold turkey. Now I feel worse than ever. I don’t want to blame it on my mom but it’s ultimately her fault. She isn’t a bad person. I love her unconditionally and I don’t want her to feel like she did something wrong but I have to think of myself and what’s best for me. I’m so tired of making myself smaller just to coddle everyone else’s feelings. Moving in with my dad is the better decision, but how do I do it without hating myself for screwing everyone else over?

  • #2
    Hi, Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you’re dealing with an extraordinary amount of pressure between having to care for your niece and nephew, help your mom with everyday tasks, and deal with not being able to take the medications prescribed to you. That’s a lot to have to deal with at 16. It looks like right now you’re considering going to live with your dad, but what’s holding you back is feeling like you’re abandoning your mom, sister, and niece and nephew by doing that. Ultimately the decision is yours; we can’t tell you which would be better for you, but it might help to consider what you feel would be better for your emotional health and what kinds of boundaries you want to set as far as commitments to your family members. It’s okay to separate yourself from situations and people that create an unhealthy environment for you. There might also be an option to find a middle ground that allows you to spend time in both households. It sounds like you care a lot about your mom, sister, niece and nephew, and your uncertainty about leaving is understandable. They might understand if you tell them how you feel about everything going on and your desire for a break. One resource that might be helpful for you and your family might be the Domestic Violence Hotline. They provide crisis support for people dealing with domestic violence or abusive relationships. Their number is 1-800-799-7233. We really appreciate your courage to reach out to us and wish you the best. If you’d like to discuss this in more detail, feel free to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or through our chatline at
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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