Alright. This could be very...very long. *Sigh* Basically, I feel really hopeless. All the time. And I'm tired of being home. Nothing ever changes. I'm not talking about boredom. I'm talking about all of these situations I'm in. I mean, sure these situations change, but they're never for the better. Ugh, ok, I'm rambling. So let's narrow all this crap down.
First.
I'm a Christian. But really, I can NEVER be completely like, on fire with God, you know what I mean? I just don't see the "WOOHOO!" of it all. I have moments when I'm in church. But I mean, my prayers are never answered...and so much more. I just don't know. It's just like, I believe he's there...but, I have...doubts sometimes. But at the same time I don't. *Shrug* It's weird.
Second.
My boyfriend lives 2 hours away.
Yes, indeed it sucks never-endingly. I get to see him, like...once a month. MAYBE. Now, I've paid people to take me to see him. Wanna know how much? 80 DOLLARS. Plus, I've bought a whole bunch of stuff for him. So it all totals to about...115 DOLLARS. And thats allooottt for me...because my family is really...poor. But guess what? He has done nothing to come to see me. I mean, given that he isn't even supposed to have a girlfriend yet. But that is ONLY because his mom is really really mean. And I'm not just saying that. She yells the 'F word' at him all the time, and even tries to make him miss school to do housework sometimes. Anyways, he keeps saying "I can't get down there." When he doesn't even TRY. Seriously. And I've almost risked my life to get down there. I was literally going to ride my bike down the highway to see him, until someone finally took me...for 40 bucks. All I'm saying is, it isn't fair. And he's even saying he has no way to get here for my birthday, and if I want to see him basically, I'm going to have to get up theereee. ALTHOUGH, I'm giving you a false feeling of what he's like. He is really really sweet, and an amazing boyfriend. And I really do love him. (NOTE: I actually DO know what I'm talking about when I say I love him.
) But yeah...*sigh*. Also though, he's been calling me alot less lately. Like, we used to talk for LITERALLY, 6 hours a day. Now we talk for like, IF I'M lucky, 2 hours a day. But, his mom has installed a schedule for him to talk with me. But, sometimes, he says his time is up, before it really is. And then, alot of time...he puts things over me. Like, movies. For example: Today, we didn't talk at all. So I finally called him, and he said "Ugh! My family started a movie without me, I'm gonna go watch it. I love you more, bye." So I'm like "....
" It's like, the same situation as a married couple, that is way past the newlywed phase. We still love each other, but he isn't participating so much anymore. And I don't know how to change that.
Thirdly.
DUMB ol' school.
I feel like it's a huuuggee waste of time. Not cuz' I'm bored. But, I feel like it's just, taking up a whole bunch of time, when I really don't need any of it. Because, when I get older, I really just want to be a musician. And school isn't going to do any of that. Because I don't need help. All I need to do is write songs, get really good, study music theory, make demos, blahblahblah, I've studied the whole process.
And, I really just want to run away, because I'm tired of everything sucking, and I wish I could see him more often.
So, I guess that's all I need help with...also, it might be important to mention, I'm PRETTY sure I'm bi-polar. So, I'm really, *shrug* I don't know. These situations are actually more of a big deal, but I'm in the "better" mood phase right now.
So yeah...the end, I guess..
*Siighh...*
First.
I'm a Christian. But really, I can NEVER be completely like, on fire with God, you know what I mean? I just don't see the "WOOHOO!" of it all. I have moments when I'm in church. But I mean, my prayers are never answered...and so much more. I just don't know. It's just like, I believe he's there...but, I have...doubts sometimes. But at the same time I don't. *Shrug* It's weird.

Second.
My boyfriend lives 2 hours away.
Yes, indeed it sucks never-endingly. I get to see him, like...once a month. MAYBE. Now, I've paid people to take me to see him. Wanna know how much? 80 DOLLARS. Plus, I've bought a whole bunch of stuff for him. So it all totals to about...115 DOLLARS. And thats allooottt for me...because my family is really...poor. But guess what? He has done nothing to come to see me. I mean, given that he isn't even supposed to have a girlfriend yet. But that is ONLY because his mom is really really mean. And I'm not just saying that. She yells the 'F word' at him all the time, and even tries to make him miss school to do housework sometimes. Anyways, he keeps saying "I can't get down there." When he doesn't even TRY. Seriously. And I've almost risked my life to get down there. I was literally going to ride my bike down the highway to see him, until someone finally took me...for 40 bucks. All I'm saying is, it isn't fair. And he's even saying he has no way to get here for my birthday, and if I want to see him basically, I'm going to have to get up theereee. ALTHOUGH, I'm giving you a false feeling of what he's like. He is really really sweet, and an amazing boyfriend. And I really do love him. (NOTE: I actually DO know what I'm talking about when I say I love him.


Thirdly.
DUMB ol' school.
I feel like it's a huuuggee waste of time. Not cuz' I'm bored. But, I feel like it's just, taking up a whole bunch of time, when I really don't need any of it. Because, when I get older, I really just want to be a musician. And school isn't going to do any of that. Because I don't need help. All I need to do is write songs, get really good, study music theory, make demos, blahblahblah, I've studied the whole process.
And, I really just want to run away, because I'm tired of everything sucking, and I wish I could see him more often.
So, I guess that's all I need help with...also, it might be important to mention, I'm PRETTY sure I'm bi-polar. So, I'm really, *shrug* I don't know. These situations are actually more of a big deal, but I'm in the "better" mood phase right now.
So yeah...the end, I guess..

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