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I really don't know what to do (and sorry if I don't make much sense...I'm so exhausted)...
On Sunday morning some of the cross country kids from my school found one of our friends (and on of my neighbors) dead. I really don't want to go into all of the details becuase it's so frustrating to describe and I've already cried so much today...but we are basically 90% sure it was suicide...we will never be 100% as there are so many factors involved that it can't be perfectly determined.
But today during school we had greiving rooms and such to talk about her and just express our sadness that she was gone, but it seems like nothing helps. I still feel suicidal. I don't even know how to describe it. I didn't know my friend THAT well...just basically about who she was and what kinds of things she liked to do...so it didn't affect me as much as some of the other kids...I don't know...I've been suicidal for awhile (like 2 or 3 years) and it just seems like no matter what happens I've just been getting even more and more depressed and I don't know what to do anymore. I have honestly tried everything to get past this but nothing has worked: I was in the hospital in March but it just made me more depressed after I was released because my parents were angry with how I wouldn't talk to them about my feelings when all they do when I talk to them is turn away and ignore me, I've talked to sooooooo many counslers and my dad always finds an excuse for me to stop seeing them and the school counsler just ends up turning to my dad to tell him everything I have and it just makes my dad angry and makes my home life worse, I try to talk to my friends but nobody has really been suicidal so they don't understand how to deal with it--or they'll talk to my parents making my home life worse, I honestly don't know. I give up on trying to turn to anybody. Even the suicide hotline...they just called my parents and it has made me even more depressed because I don't know how to talk to my parents.
I don't even know where to turn anymore and I honestly just want to kill myself. I don't think I've ever had this much of an urge to do so and I don't know where to go because everywhere I do know to go just ends up making my life worse. Help?
On Sunday morning some of the cross country kids from my school found one of our friends (and on of my neighbors) dead. I really don't want to go into all of the details becuase it's so frustrating to describe and I've already cried so much today...but we are basically 90% sure it was suicide...we will never be 100% as there are so many factors involved that it can't be perfectly determined.
But today during school we had greiving rooms and such to talk about her and just express our sadness that she was gone, but it seems like nothing helps. I still feel suicidal. I don't even know how to describe it. I didn't know my friend THAT well...just basically about who she was and what kinds of things she liked to do...so it didn't affect me as much as some of the other kids...I don't know...I've been suicidal for awhile (like 2 or 3 years) and it just seems like no matter what happens I've just been getting even more and more depressed and I don't know what to do anymore. I have honestly tried everything to get past this but nothing has worked: I was in the hospital in March but it just made me more depressed after I was released because my parents were angry with how I wouldn't talk to them about my feelings when all they do when I talk to them is turn away and ignore me, I've talked to sooooooo many counslers and my dad always finds an excuse for me to stop seeing them and the school counsler just ends up turning to my dad to tell him everything I have and it just makes my dad angry and makes my home life worse, I try to talk to my friends but nobody has really been suicidal so they don't understand how to deal with it--or they'll talk to my parents making my home life worse, I honestly don't know. I give up on trying to turn to anybody. Even the suicide hotline...they just called my parents and it has made me even more depressed because I don't know how to talk to my parents.
I don't even know where to turn anymore and I honestly just want to kill myself. I don't think I've ever had this much of an urge to do so and I don't know where to go because everywhere I do know to go just ends up making my life worse. Help?
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