I don't know what to do

[Guest]

Hi, I am 17 years old and a girl and I am struggling through deep depression. About a month ago I started dating this amazing girl who is also 17 and I have never really liked girls before so it was a surprise. I started dating her in secret without my parents knowing but about 2 months ago I stopped trying, I used to be a straight A student but now I am failing 2 of my classes and just don’t know what happened. Truth be told the girl is the only reason I am still alive. Once my parents found out about a week ago about us dating they said that we couldn’t be together anymore and that made me really upset. They are convinced she is manipulating me but I love her and don’t see it. But maybe I am just blind. Ever since they found out my mother repeatedly calls me disgusting and sick and says other stuff that I would rather not mention. She says oh you’re not gay. And maybe I am not but I don’t make up feelings. Several of my friend’s parents have offered me to move in with them including my girlfriend’s parents. I just don’t know if it is legal. Me and my girlfriend see each other at school but we rarely get to talk. I just want it to stop hurting. And I don’t want to stop living I just need some motivation. If you have any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

[ccsmod3]

Hi there,

Thank you so much for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are going through a challenging situation and are dealing with more than any one person should have to deal with. Reaching out for help is a good first step.

It sounds like there has been a lot going on recently and a lot of challenges. We’d love to try and help you as best as we can. First, you mentioned your depression and alluded to thoughts of suicide. If you are ever seriously thinking about hurting yourself, please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can reach them 24/7 by phone at 1-800-273-8255 or over the web at suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

It’s exciting to hear about your new relationship and the amazing girl that you’ve met. New relationships can be really exciting but can also change a lot of things in your life and it can be unpredictable how some people will react. It’s not right of your parents to try and control who you date and especially not right for her to call you “sick” or “disgusting” for how you feel. You’re perfect just the way you are and shouldn’t ever have to apologize for your feelings. There are a couple resources I’d recommend to help talk through your new relationship and further understanding of your sexual identity. First, the website itgetsbetter.org is a great resource for LGBTQ youth. Also, the LGBT National Youth Talkline is 1-800-246-7743. They are experts in the exact sort of situation that you’re going through.

It sounds like you have a lot going for you academically, but recently this relationship has been equally as important. It’s normal for something like that to happen, as new romances can be really powerful. We’d encourage you to try and think of ways to balance your relationship with your commitment to your academic work so you can succeed.

We are not legal experts but running away is what would be considered a “status offense” since you are legally a minor. A status offense is not a crime, it is something that you cannot do because of your age (on par with smoking a cigarette). If you do have your parents’ permission, then you can legally stay with a friend and that is totally fine. Once you turn 18, you can leave home whenever you’d like, without any legal consequences.
Finally, there are a couple of services at the National Runaway Safeline that we’d encourage you to utilize. First, we have a telephone hotline that you can call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929). We also have a chat service that is available through our website daily from 4:30- 11:30pm CST. We will be best able to assist you through one of these services. We would love to talk with you and we care about you.

Thank you again for contacting us and we look forward to hearing from you further. Take care of yourself.
-NRS