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boyfriend with unaccepting parents

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  • boyfriend with unaccepting parents

    hi im m and im 14 and i live in new york state. my boyfriend, who is also 14, who lives in california, who is trans, has recently cut his hair short and his brother said that hes dead to him and his mom is threatening to disown him. he said that he has had a plan to move to new york since he was young, because him home life was always bad, but now its gotten even worse. im not even sure if my parents would be willing to take him in, as he is long distance and they have the mentality that everyone on the internet is dangerous, even though we have skyped with video on several times. im mainly concerned about legal issues and how hes going to get over here in the first place, but also with the issue that he may have no where to go.

  • #2
    Thanks for reaching out to us. We’re so sorry that your boyfriend’s family hasn’t been accepting of him. It sounds like the situation at home has made him feel that his best option is to move closer to you to be near someone supportive. We’re glad to hear that you’ve been such a great source of support for him. You’re asking some really important questions about how your boyfriend might stay safe on his way to NY, as well as what he’d do once he arrived. We’ll do our best to share as much info as we can.

    The first concern you identified was whether there would be any legal issues with him coming to NY from CA. We’re not legal experts, but from what understand, it’s technically not illegal to run away, but it is considered a status offense in some states. If he’s considered a minor in his state, his parents or legal guardians would have the ability to file a runaway report with their local police department if he left without their consent. We can’t say whether fact that his family is threatening to disown him would make a difference, but if he would like to get more information on what might happen, a great resource is the non-emergency number for his local police department. They would be able to clarify what they do when a runaway report is made and whether there might be any legal consequences to anyone if he crosses state lines.

    Regarding how he might get to NY and where he might be able to stay, that really depends on whether he’s got an idea of what he might be comfortable doing. We can’t tell him what to do, but if he’d like to talk to someone just to go over his safety plan, we’re here for him. CA to NY is definitely a long way, and he might consider what it would cost if he decided to pay for a bus or plane ticket, as well as possibly reach out to local youth shelters that are LGBTQ friendly that might have beds available if he decides to make the move. If he’d like to talk to someone about what’s been going on at home, a great resource is the LGBT National Youth Talkline, available at 800.246.7743. We’re also here to listen to him and you. You can reach us by phone 24/7 at 1.800.RUNAWAY, and by chat every day from 4:30pm – 11:30pm CST. We are here to support both of you in whatever you decide and will do our best to make sure you both stay as safe as possible. We’re here to listen, here to help. Stay safe!

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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