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  • My 18th Birthday

    I'm a girl who will be 18 in less than 15 days. I live with my mom in California. I want to leave and move in with my girlfriend as soon as that day comes. I have had many many problems with my mom ever since the divorce. I am scared to tell her that I'm leaving. All though it's he'll living with her I still want her to be in my life. I don't know how to approach her to tell her and I don't know how to say it. I also don't know WHEN to say it. I'm worried she'll hate me for good. I just want to move out of here because she doesn't treat me like an adult. I want to be responsible and free. She doesn't let me see my girlfriend and I'm not allowed out the house except for work.
    I can't live caged up like this so I think moving in with my girlfriend would work. She's 19 and we are both looking for jobs and I'm going to college this fall. My question is how should I tell my mom I'm leaving? And when? Please help.

  • #2

    Thanks so much for reaching out to us for help. It is totally understandable that you would want to move out, and it sounds like you are concerned about telling your mom. That sounds very stressful! The good news is that at 18, you are considered a legal adult and you have the legal right to choose where you live and move in with your girlfriend if you want to. Setting boundaries with parents as a young adult and moving out on your own can be very challenging. You know your mom better than we do, so it is hard to say what is the best time or way to approach your mom about this. Your mom legally cannot prevent you from moving out if you want to. It is up to you whether you want to tell your mom in advance of you moving out, or if you want to do it right before/after moving. It sounds like you are worried she won't take it well. Some people find it helpful to write out what they want to say in a letter, or to consider how you could soften the blow or spare your mom's feelings. It sounds like you want to have your mom in your life and preserve your relationship together, which is great and is something you can let your mom know. If you depend on your mom for financial support, healthcare, or tuition or college expenses, you may want to consider whether she would continue to provide that after you move out, and how you would take care of it yourself. It sounds like you are planning to move in with your girlfriend. It is good to hear that you have someone who is supportive. It could be helpful to make sure you are welcome to stay with her and for how long, how you would cover expenses and basic needs. Moving in together can put a lot of strain on a young relationship, so talking through details and making plans ahead of time can be really helpful. It is also great to have a backup plan in the case that for some reason things don't work out with your girlfriend. If you would like to talk trough this situation in detail, please don't hesitate to give us a call. We would be happy to talk through your options and help you make a plan. We are looking forward to hearing from you soon, and wish you the best of luck.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


    • #3
      im 17 and will be 18 in 4 months if I ran away till I tturn 18 can I get out of cps coustody?


      • ccsmod7
        ccsmod7 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello there, thanks for reaching out today.

        Since you are so close to turning 18, it would be up to local police with whether or not they would take a runaway report for you. We are not legal experts or experts with CPS but we can speak generally. Typically, police take runaway reports for youth up until they are 18, and if you are found you could be returned to your placement. If they do not take a runaway report for you, you would not be returned home. You might try contacting your local police and asking if they take runaway reports for older 17 year olds.

        Generally, youth who are wards of the state can have housing and educational assistance until they turn 21, so if you leave you would typically be emancipated from the state at 18 and you would not be eligible for those benefits anymore. Here at NRS, we know nothing about your situation, so we encourage you to do whatever you need to do to stay safe. You know your situation better than anyone else. If you are in danger or an unsafe place please do not hesitate to call 911. You can also call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY if you would like us to talk through your situation, provide support, and brainstorm your options.

        We wish you the best and we look forward to hearing from you.



    • #4
      i am almost 18, may 19 is my birthday im a gay male and i have a boyfriend in the town i wish to move back too. my parents are over controlling and my stress level is reaching a breaking point. I live in South Carolina and 17 is the age i can leave. But can i? will my parents be able to stop me with their religion? I am a Buddhist and herbalist. so does freedom of religion protect me?


      • ccsmod8
        ccsmod8 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello there –

        Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline and posting on our public forum. By helping you during your crisis, hopefully there are other youth that are in similar situations can read this for help as well.

        As you have probably already read the multiple other threads that we have posted here on the forum board you should know that we are not legal experts. Generally, what typically happens in each state is if you are below the legal age of majority, your parents would be able to make a runaway report and the police will be able to bring you back home. If you left the city or even the state while on the run, the report will likely follow you. Now considering that information, once you turn 18 years old in May, you would be considered a legal adult and cannot be forced home and your parents cannot file a runaway report with the police. It doesn’t seem like religion comes into play at all when talking about leaving the house as an adult and them being able force you to stay once you reach the age of majority.

        We hope that information is helpful to you! If you give us a call on our 24/7 hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) we could help you find resources in your area and could potentially help you brainstorm a possible solution to the issues you are having. We would love to talk to you about what has been going on recently that is making you want to leave home.
        Last edited by ccsmod8; 03-22-2018, 08:44 AM.
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