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  • I need to help my friend

    My friend just confided in me tonight. I feel a bit bad about talking about this because I feel like I'm betraying her trust, but I can't let her go on living how she's been living.

    Here's the story:

    In May, her mom went to pick them up from school. Her sister was the only one outside at the time and noticed that she was drunk when she went to pick them up. Her mom got mad when she refused to get into the car and she drove off. Her sister got a ride home from a friend and called her and her brother, who were still inside, and told them she was calling their dad to pick them up and not to get into the car with their mom if she came back because she was drunk off her ass.

    When her sister got home, her mother was there and still mad at her because the other two wouldn't get in the car when she came back. She then proceeded to assault her.

    She went to jail and there was a court case. Her dad said that he was divorcing her after the case, but guess who's back?

    My friend says that her mom begged them to let her stay and said that she'd turn around and go to church and be a better person. I don't know why SS didn't get involved after the case, but they didn't and they don't check up on them anymore.

    The entire "change" episode lasted only a bit. She stopped going to AA meetings as soon as SS stopped getting involved. My friend says that she's been verbally and physically abused by her since then while she's drunk.

    She's been dragged by her hair. She's been hit. Her mom hit her once when she stepped in front of her brother to keep her from hitting him.

    She tells my friend to go to hell, that she'll never amount to anything or get into the military, and that the past sixteen years have been a waste of time.

    Her father is an enabler. He always tells her not to pay her mom any mind "because she's drunk and she doesn't mean it". Nobody's doing anything about the situation, but everyone wants her to leave. Her dad only took her back because she doesn't have anywhere else to go. Her boyfriend is concerned about it. Her grandparents live next door (with her sister who moved in with them to get out of the house) and want her to leave. I want her to leave. Her siblings want her to leave.

    I told her that she should talk to someone from the school. She said that she wasn't sure that she wanted to because her dad had gotten upset with her before when she told someone about what was going on. I offered to talk to them in her place, but she said no and that if it got worse she'd talk to them. I can't make her do anything, but I don't want her to wait until it gets worse. I'm seriously worried about her safety and I'm not sure what might happen to her when "worse" comes.

    She didn't tell me anything about this until tonight. I asked her why and she told me that she knew that I'd been going through things myself and she didn't want me to worry about it. I appreciate that, but I wish she'd told me earlier because I want to do something about it.

    Can someone help me?

  • #2
    RE: I need to help my friend

    Hello,

    Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline and sharing with us some of your friend’s story. It sound like home is not a safe place for her to be and we think that it is amazing that you are trying to help and figure out what might be best. It also sounds like your friend has done a lot of thinking about this on her own, trying not to concern you and also reaching out to a school counselor for some help. We will do what we can, we cannot tell anyone what to do or what is best for them as they are the expert in their own life. We can help and empower them in what ways we can.

    From what you described it sounds like your friend is being mistreated at home, especially when she is standing up for herself or her siblings. No one deserves to be in an environment where they are being mistreated. It must be really difficult for your friend to talk about this, but it sounds like she feels safe with you to share this with her. We understand your reservations about contacting us, but it is a great step to take to reach out for help when you or a loved one is in need.

    Also from what you described, it sounds like a moment your friend is not ready to make a move yet. If she decides that she wants to just talk to someone about her situation she can always call us at 1800-RUNAWAY. Another place where she can talk and see what option she has is to contact the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1800.799.7233. This can be a place she can call when she is feeling like she needs some extra support during this tough time.

    It sounds like your friend is being mistreated at home and like stated previously, no one deserves that no matter what. One option that your friend has is to make an Abuse Report. If your friend decides to make a report she can again call us and we can make the report for her or with her- also making an anonymous report can be an options. If she feels comfortable enough to make the report then she can always call Child Help USA at 1800.422.4453. They will put her in contact with her state Child Protective Services.

    It sounds like your friend has been holding this inside for a long time, just telling you tonight. Maybe talking to a school counselor may be too much for your friend right now, when these things happen it can sometimes be scary to share it with someone else. It sounds like she trusts you enough to confide in you, and that is amazing. This is a lot for you to handle as well, you are aware that your friend is not happy or safe at home. Maybe finding an alternative person to talk to about what is going on, such as a trusted adult (not affiliated with counseling or school) might be another option for your friend.

    We hoped this helped and if you or your friend would like to discuss your situation in more detail you can always give us a call on our hotline or you can chat with us on our website. We hoped this helped and we look forward to hearing from you or your friend. Again, it is an amazing thing that you are trying to help her out. We wish you the best of luck.

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      Hey I am going through this too

      I have a friend problem too I had to duo her she was not the kind of friend I wonted. She would be "kidding" when she would say "I am just kidding don't be a big baby!" She is a mean person and she made my other friend Aly. (She does not want me to use her full name) choose between who she wanted to be friend with.

      I am going through it too!

      Comment


      • #4
        Hey I am going through this too

        Hello,

        Thanks for sharing.

        It sounds like you might be having issues with bullying.
        We would like to hear more about what’s going on.

        If you would like to talk with someone about it call 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or go to www.1800Runaway.org (live chat)
        For more information on where to find help with being bullied go to www.stopbullying.gov

        Good luck and take care,
        NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment

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