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I want to run away with my boyfriend once I'm 18, but I want time to move faster....

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  • I want to run away with my boyfriend once I'm 18, but I want time to move faster....

    I'm 16 and female.

    (I apologize, but this post will sort of be "all over the board")

    First off, let me say my parents are strict. Very strict. They have very tight rules and have very rude opinions on who I hang out with. They think that, unless my friends' family is the "american dream family" (Two parents, their child/children, high income, and a VERY nice home) they were "scumbags who have no right to be around my daughter!"

    When I was 14, I told my mom that I was gay. She quickly replied with "No, you're not! It's your friends convincing you they are, aren't they!? You lose your internet privileges, and you're banned from hanging out with friends for a month! I knew they were trouble.." and this surprised me. The reason why is that I had talked to them before about homosexuality, and they said that anyone had the right to love who they wanted too. I even asked them, if the conversation lead to this, "what would you do if I was homosexual?" and they replied "As long as the other person treats you with respect."

    To be honest, I am actually pansexual (can be romantically/sexually attracted to people regardless of their gender) but I was only going to tell my parents this if they took me claiming as gay alright. which as you can see, they didn't.

    The girlfriend I had at the time I told them about my homosexuality (ex-girlfriend now) did respect me. We shared some interests together (music, art, movies) and didn't sneak around either. The most that we ever did was say "I love you" and hug. Of course, after everything, we both decided to move on. After a while of thought we decided splitting up was right, since we didn't see a future with the other. The only regret we had is that we wish we could have done it on our own terms and not forced by my mother.

    From that day on I didn't trust my parents with talking about relationships. When the situation wasn't real and it was a simple "what if" conversation, they seemed very calm and gave answers that sounded like something a good parent would say (for example, they would tell me "As long as you love them and they love you and respect you, we will be fine.") but when the "what ifs" became reality they would yell at me and then ban all contact.

    This became especially true when I met someone who I see a future with, love dearly, and want to spend my life with. This person respects me, loves me, and makes me feel secure and happy. We are the same age.

    He's very kind, gentle, smart, and handsome. He respects me being pansexual. He is the only person that I can tell my secrets and feelings to.

    I didn't tell my parents I was dating him..

    One day everything changed.

    He and I were making out (No, not having sex. It was just holding close and kissing each other with all of our clothes still on) and my mom caught us. He wasn't able to get a ride home so she drove him back, and right after he left and my mom pulled away she said "You no longer have your phone, you no longer have your computer, and you cannot talk to your friends anymore. I was right, they're all sh*t influences on you, those fu**ing scumbags." and my heart sank.

    I had been in about 3 relationships before this (2 were under the supervision of my mother, the other one being my ex-girlfriend) and never before had I felt so "connected" with another person. I loved this man, I love him to this day.

    I ended up having contact with him, but it was secretly (we later got caught though...)

    While we were talking, we talked about us turning 18. We said that my parents wouldn't have control over me anymore and I could see him again. After a while of thought, I said "Once I'm 18, I want to leave this house. I want to live with you."

    He asked his parents, and sure enough they said yes (They didn't agree with my parents strict rules either, and felt bad for both he and I. I count them as my other family, since they always respected me and said they support my boyfriend and I)

    I'm 16 right now, and things are getting hard. I'm spending nights crying sometimes and just want time to move quickly. I want to get out of here.

    I want to know if there's something I can do to get my parents to let me see, or at least TALK, to my boyfriend again. I just want things to be normal. I want to be with him....

    Is there anything I can do to help the situation....?

  • #2
    RE: I want to run away with my boyfriend once I’m 18, but I want time to move faster…

    Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help and to share your story. With what you are dealing with, it’s understandable that you are so upset. We appreciate that you reached out to us, and we will help as best as we can. Please do not be concerned about posting a lot of details. It’s helpful for us to know as much as we can about the situation you are facing.

    It sounds like you are having a lot of difficulties with your parents regarding your relationships, and that this is a surprise, especially after their positive response to hypothetical questions about sexuality. Being pansexual is not something to be punished for, and it’s natural to be sad when your parents aren’t recognizing that. It seems your parents are struggling with accepting you being in a relationship with anyone, even when your partner cares for and respects you. It’s good that your boyfriend’s parents are being supportive and recognize how strict your parents are.

    We get the impression that you aren’t really able to talk to your parents, and your mom just takes away your privileges when you do something she doesn’t agree with. Have you tried to talk to anyone else about this situation, who may be able to intervene or talk to your parents? Perhaps a trusted family member (aunt, uncle, grandparent, older sibling) or someone at school (a teacher, counselor or coach) you would be comfortable talking to about this. To cope with your feelings, having a positive outlet could relieve some of your stress. Writing in a journal or another artistic activity could help you express your emotions, so that you are able to let out your frustration and sadness. Spending time and talking with your friends who support and care for you could also help you manage during this difficult time. Taking a break from your parents for a short amount of time would allow both you and them to decompress. Given how strict your parents are, they likely would only give you permission to leave and stay a day or two with someone close to them who they trust. If there is someone you can think of like this, then you could try to talk to them about letting you leave for a very brief time. If you see your boyfriend at school, spending time with him there may help you continue to feel close to him, although you are not able to see him at other times. If you are thinking about leaving without your parents’ permission, we would be happy to talk through options with you and we encourage you to call or chat with us.

    Sometimes talking to someone face to face can be difficult, especially from what you have told us about how your mom feels about your friends. If there is ever a time where you are not able to turn to your friends for support for whatever reasons you can always turn to the National LGBT Hotline at 1800.422.4453 along with the Trevor Hotline at 1866.488.7386. These are a couple places you can turn to if you need alternative support. It sounds like you are going through a tough time, but it also sounds like you are brave and courageous.

    Thanks again for contacting us to try to figure out your options. If you would like to talk further about your situation or explore more possibilities, we are here 24/7. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are here to listen and here to help. Take care, and best of luck to you
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


    • #3
      Me too

      OK how you feel I really do my parents are the same


      • #4
        re: Me too

        Hey there,

        Thank you for posting on our bulletin board, we are here to listen and to help in the best way that we can. If you or someone you know ever needs someone to listen to them, our hotline is available 24/7, our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We also have a live chat program that is available from 4:30 PM until 11:30 PM CST. We wish you the best of luck and hope to receive your call or chat soon!

        Stay strong,

        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!


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