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Just trying to help a friend

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  • ccsmod6
    replied
    Re: Just trying to help a friend

    Thank you for keeping us updated on what is going on. We are so glad to hear that your friend decided to tell someone about being sexually assaulted by her step-father and that she was able to receive help. She probably needs a lot of unconditional support right now and she is really lucky to have a friend like you. From what you have written, it is obvious that you care a lot about her well-being. We are glad that your friend has you to lean on.

    It must be very confusing to see her mother bail her husband, your friend’s step-father, out of jail even after he confessed to sexually assaulting her daughter. It probably seems unthinkable that she could still love him or care for him after the trauma he inflicted on your friend. Can you think of any reasons why she might have bailed him out of jail? There may not be any way to reasonably understand this really complex situation. Perhaps she is dependent on him for financial and/or emotional support? Or, maybe she blames herself and not him for what happened? Or, maybe she hasn’t been able to fully accept what happened? Most likely, a mix of numerous different factors relating to her unique lived experiences and her relationship with her husband probably led her to the decision. We would guess that this is probably something that your friend and her mother both have strong, complicated feelings about and it might take some time for them to be able to communicate about the intricacies of the situation. How do you think your friend is feeling about all of this? Do you know if your friend has been able to tell anyone about her feelings? You mentioned that your friend “got help”. What sort of help did she get? Is she seeing a counselor? Maybe she would be able to talk to her counselor about this. If she wanted, her counselor could probably help her work on a way to talk to her mother.

    Your friend is also welcome to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. Sometimes talking to someone who is completely objective and non-judgemental can help people make sense of complicated feelings. Plus, if your friend wanted, we could help her develop a plan of what she would like to do and how she will accomplish her goals. Did you or your friend ever follow up on calling RAINN or going to their website at http://www.rainn.org. On the website, there are some really good suggestions on ways to help recover from sexual assault that your friend might find useful. Also, there is some information specifically for friends/family of sexual assault victims. Maybe that is something that you would be interested in? Another website that you might be interested in is http://www.sexetc.org. They have a whole section devoted to dealing with sexual abuse that you can find at http://www.sexetc.org/topic/abuse.

    We wish you and your friend the best of luck.
    NRS

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Re: Just trying to help a friend

    My friend told and got help. her step-dad CONFESSED that he sexually assulted her. But her stupid mom bailed him out!!!!!!!!! the stupid part is that she lied to my friend and told her that he's just out on work relese. my mom & her mom are bf's and she told my mom that she bailed him out with her rent money!!! she never ever lies to my mom. i just can't believe her. how can she love him when he confessed to sexually assulting her daughter? The part about it is when all this was going on she had to stay at my house. I'm not complaning cuz that was fun but still if thatmwas my kid then it would be the man out the door not my kid! Geesh... She pisses me off!

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  • ccsmod1
    replied
    Re: Just trying to help a friend

    Hi. Thanks for posting on our bulletin boards. It sounds like you’re really concerned about your friend’s safety. It’s great that your friend is willing to confide in you and a few other trusted friends. Obviously, she deserves to feel safe at home and should never have to worry about what her step-dad might do. Do you know if this was the first time he sexually assaulted her? He has no right to hurt her in that way, or any other type of way. Do you know if there is any other abuse in the home-physical or verbal? From what you know of her mom, do you think her mom would believe her? It’s very common after situations like your friend went through for there to be a fear of telling the other parent or the appropriate authorities. Your friend does have the right to report what happened to the local Child Protective Services. It’s also something that you can do if you want to keep her safe and know she won’t do it herself. We’d be happy to find the number you’d want to call to make the report. We’d just need to know the city and state your friend lives in.

    There are also a couple different organizations that work specifically with people that have been through that type of trauma. RAIIN (rape, abuse, incest national network) has a hotline that would connect you to your local sexual assault hotline or center. That hotline number is #1-800-656-4673. They also have an online chat on their website, http://www.rainn.org. There’s also another organization called Child Help USA that’s main purpose is to answer questions about abuse and how to report it. Their 24 hour hotline number is #1-800-422-4453.

    Of course, you can call us directly if you want to talk more in depth about any of this. We can also help talk to you about the different options your friends has and ways that she can keep herself safe. Your friend is absolutely welcome to call as well. We’re 100% confidential, so she wouldn’t have to worry about us telling anyone she called. We could talk to her about how to report what her step-dad did and even help her call the CPS in her area to report it. The only thing to keep in mind is that we’re mandated reporters, which means if we get her full name, step-dad’s or mom’s full name and a phone number or address of where she lives, we would have to call CPS and make a report. However, we don’t need any of this info to just talk to her. Do you think she’d be willing to talk to someone-whether it is us, RAINN or Child Help-about what happened and how she can stay safe?

    Your friend is going through a really tough time right now; one that many people struggle to talk about to anyone. She’s lucky to have a friend like you that is not only concerned for her safety but also willing to help in anyway you can. Be extra supportive to her and encourage her that it’s not her fault in anyway. Let her know that there are people out there that can help.

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest started a topic Just trying to help a friend

    Just trying to help a friend

    Last Sunday my best friends' step-dad sexually assulted her. She's afraid to tell her mom because she doesn't think that her mom will believe her. Some of our friends at school know and some one her cousin(another one of my best friends) knows is going to try to help her but this situation is really bothering me. I need her to get help. I'm afraid for today to end because the same thing could happen this weekend except it could worsen. please help me help my friend.

    -Sugar_bunnie_2011
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