my boyfriend is in rehab ):

[Guest]

my boyfriend went to rehab about a month ago, and i miss him so much. i havent talked to him since the day he left and its killing me. hes in rehab for drug abuse (i dont do drugs though) and will be there until july! i want him to get better, and the last thing i want to do is be selfish. but i need to see him. i cant remember a time where i felt so empty and alone. i dont care if i cant even see him, just talking to him would be fine. his mom keeps on telling me he's alright and he misses me. but i need to hear him say he's alright. i need to hear his voice to know that he's really okay. it hurts so much and i love him to death. latley ive been thinking about running away to [location] (where his facility is located) and see him. i have a friend that would come with me. im seriously considering it, but ive never run away before. what should i do?

[ccsmod7]

Re: my boyfriend is in rehab ):

Thanks for contacting us. It sounds like you are dealing with an extremely difficult situation right now and it’s wonderful that you felt comfortable opening up. It sounds like you care and love your boyfriend very much and it’s breaking your heart not to be able to see him. It seems that you really want your boyfriend to succeed but it hasn’t been easy for you not to be able to see him. Did you know about his issues with drugs when he went into rehab? Did you know that he was going to be in rehab for this extended period of time? How did you feel when you found out that he was going to be in rehab?

A month can seem like an eternity at times, especially when you haven’t seen or talked with someone you care about so much. Is there a reason that you haven’t been able to see him? You mentioned speaking with his mother, has his family been able to go and visit him? Would they ever bring you with so you can see him? If that isn’t a possibility would you at least be able to call him or have him call you? You said that even just hearing his voice would make things at least a little bit better? It’s understandable that you have thought about running to go and see him, but do you know if you would even be able to get into the facility if you did go there? Have you thought about what kind of consequences might occur if you do decide to go?

It’s understandable how much pain you are feeling. It sounds like you want the best for him, but also want to know that everything is okay and encourage him to get better. Do you think you may be able to sit down with his family and give them some insight on how you are feeling? Perhaps if you let them know how much you want to support him and even just talk with him, they would be willing to let you talk with him or go with them to see him? Would that be an option? Also, have you been able to talk with anybody about this? Thinking about your own feelings does not mean you are being selfish, it’s a natural part of life and sometimes those feelings are not easy to deal with. Do you think you might be able to speak with someone about how this transition has been on you? While it might not make you feel completely okay with him being away, perhaps getting those feelings out will make the time apart more bearable. Just to let you know, if you ever need to talk with anyone about this situation you can always give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. There is someone here 24 hours a day and we are a completely confidential hotline. We are here not only to listen, but hopefully help you look at different options that are best for you. Best of luck with everything.

[Guest]

Re: my boyfriend is in rehab ):

his parents think i shouldnt see him because one: they dont want him thinking of anyone but himself right now (and i kind of dont either) and two: they think im too young to be going to see him. im sixteen and he's eighteen, but we havent had sex and our relationship is very mature (and not to mention cute (: ). they really care about me and they think im really good for him. but they just dont want me to be scared or hurt about what i see there. they said that he was going through the stage where he's mad about everything. they said that last week he threatened to kill himself if they didnt let him out. that scared me to death. but they dont understand that i know how to talk to him. he accually listens to me, i know how to make him calm down. i feel all these emotions i dont know how to control. im sad, lonley, angry, scared, and i just want to fall asleep and wake up when he's home. i dont know what to do.

[ccsmod7]

Re: my boyfriend is in rehab ):

All of these feelings that you are having right now are completely understandable. It sounds like you are close with your boyfriend’s parents and that they do care about your feelings right now. It also sounds like in some way you understand there thinking about needing your boyfriend to concentrate only on himself right now, but it probably doesn’t make the situation any easier on you. You mention that it was very scary to hear about some of the ways he was reacting to rehab and that’s definitely understandable. It can’t be easy to know that someone you love is going through such a hard time, but many times people have to go through a rough time before they start to get better and heal. This is often times the case, especially when dealing with a rehab situation. This may very well feel like the longest next few months of your life, but it also sounds like this is what is best to get your boyfriend better and on the right track.

Now with that said, even though you are there to support your boyfriend in every way, you need support during this time as well. When someone is going through a hard time, many people worry only about that that person and forget how hard the situation is on them. Do you have someone that you have been able to talk to during this time? Do you have a counselor at school that you might be able to talk with? It’s understandable that his parents are not completely comfortable with you going to see him at this moment, but perhaps when he has acclimated himself better to the program they would allow you to see him. Do you think talking on the phone with him would still be an option? You boyfriend is currently seeking help to make himself better, but you also need to think about your own well being as well. As said before if you ever need to talk with someone, you can call us anytime, 24 hours a day at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are here to listen anytime you need to talk. Stay strong.

[Guest]

Re: my boyfriend is in rehab ):

they said after he gets past through this "phase" of the process, then i could talk to him over the phone once and a while to check up on him. they said he's going to be going through a number of phases, first sad, then angry, then helpless, and more, and they dont want anything he may say to hurt me, knowing that he's at a vulnerable time in his life right now. i can completely understand that part, but i just want him to know that i miss him and i havent forgotten about him, and in some way, i want to know that he hasn't forgotten about me. its gotton so bad the last few days. earlier today i went into the bathroom at school and swallowed forty robotussin. i just want to go to sleep and wake up when he's home. i've found myself isolating myself at lunch and staying home on weekends. i cant remember the last night i went without crying. i cant do this for much longer. i need some sense of clarity. i cant handle this. and i'll be honest, i've cut and burned myself a few times on my inner arm to release my pain and stress. ive been cutting since the sixth grade, but i stopped for a year after three months in a emotionally unstable facility. but this whole thing has brought it up again, along with the burning. i dont know how to feel. i dont know what i feel. i dont know the right way to handle this. i've been lashing out on my mom latley to releave myself, and i feel completely horrible about it. my mom is my inspiration, my idol. it kills me to know that cause her so much pain just because i cant handle my emotions. my sister used to live with me when i got out of the facility, and she left for college about three months ago. i called her recently and told her of the situation, and she wanted to fly down THAT NIGHT. but i felt bad and told her to stay and not to worry about me. i've been out of touch with friends (grounded because of lashing out on my mom) so i have no where to turn. everytime i try to tell my mom why i need to have someone over, she gets freaked out and wants to call the police and have me shipped away again.

i have no where to turn.

i need help. and fast. it gets worse every day. i cant handle this.

hjsdfjjwiorw3ejkdf;fuawiope rergjk;fg;sdug;aosdfyo;ijsdkjsadkl;fj;sd

AHH!

[ccsmod1]

Re: my boyfriend is in rehab ):

We're so sorry to hear all that you've been going through and dealing with. It sounds like your emotions with your boyfriend being gone are really affecting you and your daily life. Situations like this can be extremely hard to cope with, especially when it’s something new you’re trying to learn to deal with. Everyone has different ways of coping that works for them. Some ways can be destructive, kind of like what you described. A big part is learning positive coping mechanisms; they may not make the pain go away but they might make it easier for you to get through. It’s great that you have your sister as a support. From the fact that she wanted to come down right away, it seems like she really cares about your wellbeing and happiness. You also wrote about your mom being your inspiration and idol. Do you think she understands why you’ve been behaving the way you have towards her? You did also mention that she tends to “freak out” and wants to have you “shipped away again.” Do you mean back to the facility you referred to? Did you feel like being there helped you?

You wrote that you need help because you feel like it’s getting worse every day. What kind of help do you feel like would be best for you right now? Obviously, support of family, counseling, support groups are all options if you feel like they could make things easier for you. One place, Nar-anon is a support network for being that have loved ones with chemical dependency. Their philosophy is that it’s not just the person with the substance abuse that needs treatment, but also those that are affected by their addiction. If you want to find out more about this kind of support check out their website: http://nar-anon.org/aboutnaranon.htm. There’s also Al-ateen that’s specifically for teenagers, but is usually more focused on loved ones who are alcoholics: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/.

It’s great that you’ve reached out for help via our website. It shows how much you want to get through this. That self-determination and desire are definitely strengths. Realize how much power you have in yourself to get through. Give us a call if you get a chance and we’d be happy to talk more in depth about this. We can also talk to you about what you think would help you and if there are resources or other options that we can help you find. Someone is always here, day or night. If you can’t sleep one night, you can call us at 3am and someone will be here.

[Guest]

Re: my boyfriend is in rehab ):

thank you so much. right now, i think maybe living in a group home would be best. i could self-study, as i have done in the past, and i could be around people who have problems just as bad (if not worse) than me & people can be there 24/7 for when i need to talk to someone or i just need someone to talk me to sleep, etc. my grades have fallen so far behind. today, accually, i got dropped from two classes with an F. i live in california, could you please inform me if there are any group homes i could check myself into?

thank you so much.

[ccsmod1]

Re: my boyfriend is in rehab ):

Thanks for writing again. It sounds like you’re ready to get professional help for some of the above mentioned issues. We’re sorry that you’ve been struggling with your boyfriend being away and other life stressors, but you’ve proven by posting on our boards numerous times your dedication to betting yourself and learning positive coping skills. It’s not easy asking for help and shows how serious you are since you’re doing so! As far as group homes in CA, there’s a response to another bulletin just posted that can give you great information. It’s under the legal issues board and the post is titled “not ready to tell my mom”. Our [NRS’] second response outlines how “group homes” work and other possible options. If you’re not in Mission Viejo/Orange County, as our other poster was, we can search for similar options that would be closer to you. All you need to do is post the city in CA you want us to look in or call our hotline. There’s also a California Youth Crisis Hotline, which has information specifically for youth in CA. Their number is 1-800-843-5200. If their lines are busy, the calls actually roll over to our hotline, just so you know.

We encourage you to reach out to those around you as well. If there’s an adult you really trust-family member, school counselor, etc-they may be able to advocate for you to get the help you need. As stated in the post we referred you to, if you feel you’re in immediate danger (of harming yourself) you can absolutely go to any hospital or even just call 911. They will make sure you stay safe and get you the help you need. If there’s any other kind of assistance you’d like from us, we’re always available. We’d be happy to help in any capacity we can. Remember, you've made great steps just through your responses to us, so you clearly have immense inner strength and a desire to improve your life. You’re already ahead of others, so keep going and fighting. We hope you find others that can guide you through this complex time and empower you to change in the ways you wish. Always know we’re here for you.

[Unregistered]

Same story here

Hi,
I am going through the same situation this very moment. I am 21 and my boyfriend is 25, we live right in the same neighborhood we are extremely close if we don't get to see each other for just one day were on the phone talking for 2 hrs. I also have bad anxiety and mild depression I deal with and my boyfriend helps me a lot and I honestly can't see my life without him. My boyfriend is a heroin addict and has been in rehab for almost 2 weeks only 2 more weeks to go. I know exactly how you feel. My first week I was a complete mess and not being able to hear his voice drove me absolutely insane and not to mention the lieing that I do about his where abouts to my family and such. I would listened to voice mails he has left me just for comfort because I can't just call him when I feel like everything is collapsing. I have only talked to him once for a minute and he sounds so good, and just hearing his voice I could cry. I miss him so much I too feel extremely empty and lost. but I just say to myself these are his inner problems that he has to deal with and he's gonna come back a brand new person and that i just have to stay busy and be strong for him as well as myself. I sent him a birthday card with just all my love written in it about supporting him and him doing anything he puts his mind and heart into and that he has my love always and forever no matter what. it's a work in progress, it's good to keep in touch with his family because your not the only one going through this it's just as hard for his parents who seem him more then you do. but just try and stay positive and no that when it's all said and done he'll come back to you a better person and a better boyfriend that you deserve.

[ccsmod7]

Reply from NRS

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Sometimes it can really help to know that there are others dealing with similar situations and it sounds like you are really staying strong despite what is going on. It sounds like you really care about your boyfriend and you understand that he is in rehab to help himself and make himself a stronger person. Unfortunately we had to take out your email address because this bulletin board is confidential but we do appreciate your post and sharing the experience you are having. If you ever want to discuss your situation more in depth please feel free to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are available 24 hours a day to help. Take care.

[Unregistered]

That's all you can really do is be strong, I tell myself all the time stay strong for him. I also talk about to my sister in-law because her brother had the same problem so it helps coping with it. I also stay in touch with his family. Thanks for wanting to help I appreciate it, but I do the best I can, keep busy. I rearranged my room got a new hair cut, starting running again, got a new job, and I just count down the days. It does feel like forever but it'll come soon, it's not gonna be forever. I just can't wait to wrap my arms around him. So yea I understand exactly where she's coming from, but at least her relationship doesn't involve sex. I think I crave that the most and the safety and security but it'll just be hanging in there. Only 2 more weeks lol I can't keep track of the days because that makes them crawl.

[ccsmod7]

Reply from NRS

It sounds like you are doing your best to cope with a difficult situation. We appreciate you sharing your story and some of the ways that you have dealt with having a loved one in rehab. Please remember our 1-800-RUNAWAY number is available 24 hours a day if you ever need to talk.

[Julia]

My boyfriend is in Rehab also...

My boyfriend is currently in a 12 month rehab facility, where he can only see and speak with immediate family. It is killing me..He initially thought we would be able to visit, but they found out otherwise when he checked himself in. His mother knew, I do believe, that we would not be able to have any contact. It bothers me more than anything because when his own family didn't want to help him when he was down and really using, myself and my family took him in. They kicked him out of his home, and he had nowhere else to go. He depended on me moreso than his mother for support, but in her eyes, she was the best thing ever to him. He loves his mama more than anything on this planet, and I do not have a problem with that. My boyfriend is 23 years old, and he has divorced parents that are re-married. He and his sister have both lived a life of heartache. I know some of it has to do with the decisions he made himself, but I see it as him hurting because he was always seeking his parents' approval. He has 4 years of college under his belt, comes from a wealthy family, and they sent him to a homeless shelter for addicts. It bothers me for many reasons, that they sent him to a homeless shelter instead of trying to pay a waived fee of $100 from the inital $700, because my father talked to someone at a center closer to home and kind of explained the situation. The center they coaxed him into going to has no fee, as well as being 400+ miles away from home, a 5 hour drive...and the fact that I can not have any contact with him at all..except for letters, but the intake counselor advised him to not have me write him! We have been steady for a year now, and spent every day together, we never got tired of each other. The intake told him that there will be a God-fearing Christian woman waiting for him when he got out, and that maybe I wasn't the one. The man has NEVER met me! My boyfriend tells me all the time that I saved him from himself, and that he don't know where he would be without me. He probably feels like that because he has abandonment issues that I have, in the past, tried to get him to address with a professional. I talked to him myself about going to a rehab, but I never in a million years thought I would have to go a year without seeing him or hugging his neck. So be thankful, guys, that you are lucky and blessed enough to not be in a situation like that. I worry that the place he is at is cult-ish or something. It really worries me, he is smart, but he has some of that thinking like his mother, I hate to say it like that..but its true. I would never have sent my son to a facility that far away from home any way, most especially if he had epilepsy and the neck and head injuries that he has that play a huge factor in his seizures anyway!! I'm having major trouble dealing with him being gone, I just pray that something will happen and the truth will come out! I have been through a lot of horrible things in my life, but this has sent me over the edge. My best friend is away from me, and his mother told me he sacrificed me. And my boyfriend would have NEVER put that in those words, and since she gets to see him soon, I'm afraid as to what she might tell him that happened. I'm so worried. And I also hope and pray that he doesn't get brainwashed or anything, and that he doesn't change who he is and what he really does know. I attend church regular, and he did too when he was around. Everyone tells me he loves me, but I have trouble accepting this. Am I being selfish? I wanna wait on him! I plan on it! I just want letters, I guess. I also thought about calling his counselour or seeking higher than the intake, and going to the president of the facility itself, any ideas? I mean, I was his support. And I find it odd that a facility that's supposed to be "Christian based" is discriminating against me! I've never heard of a rehab place not allowing loved ones that were not immediate to see each other. I know there are time periods, and I understand that, but they are talking the full year. The only way we have to communicate is letters. He's not much of a writer..I just hope he can drop a few lines just to tell me he loves me still. I'm trying to support him, I really am. And I tell him I am, but I just find it all odd..and I don't like not being able to communicate with him. I'm not the one that has ever left him..The ones that get to visit him are! Why?! What should I do?! I'm so depressed..I miss him so much! Everything about him. I know he wanted and needed spiritual guidance, but we've never been apart..it was a quick and intense relationship from the beginning. I love him, and gosh...I don't know if I'm feeling the wrong things or what! Help me!!

[ccsmod8]

RE: My Boyfriend Is In Rehab

Hello,

We thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and worse you are not getting the credit you deserve for doing so much for your boyfriend when you were together and yet you still want to do so much for him. We certainly empathize with what you are going through. You are a good girlfriend for continuing to fight for what is your chance to be heard. You deserve to be heard. It does not sound fair to you.

We are not in a position to tell you what to because we are not experts in this area. We are here for runaways but we still want to hear from you in case you need resources and someone to vent to. Your boyfriend seem to be in a place where he may get some help but it does not sound ideal based on what you described. We hope that by calling that that we can continue to help you cope through this difficult time. We wish you good luck.

-NRS

[Unregistered]

Im in a very similar situation and dont know what to do as well, just trying to take things day by day. my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years and in the last 6 months hes become secretly addicted to oxycotin and masterd hiding it from me his friends and family. I have never touched a drug in my life so he felt like i wouldnt understand his addiction and lied about it to me. when the secret came out, his mom forced him to being outpatient rehab, only a month after he started that he relapsed and now is being sent away to an inpatient rehab for 30-60 days in another state. from the very begining of his drug struggles I was always the only one still there for him to try to help him through it but I dont know if im making things worse or what the right thing to do is to be there for him, i try to just tell him im there for him and he can come to me and ill always love him because almost everyone in his life has abandond him because of his drug use. now that hes leaving to go to inpatient rehab in a few days im devistated that im not going to be able to see or speak to him because we are inseperable. i know he needs this and im happy hes finally getting the real help he needs to better himself but im scared that when he comes back he wont want to be in a relationship anymore to try to avoid stress or continue being on his own, or things will just drastically change between us. Im also scared of how much im going to miss him and what im going to do with myself and my time, trying to keep busy can only do so much but without him im scared i will be nothing but lonely and worried about him and his progress. me and his family are not very close for some reason its always just been an awkward distant but friendly relationship so theres not much help on their end. idk what to do!