21 & Parents won't let me visit boyfriend

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time and we want you to know you are not alone.
It is understandable for your mother to be concerned about your safety since you never met your boyfriend or his family in person. We know you mentioned that your mother believes he should be the one to come visit you and not the other way around. You could always ask your mom if he does come visit if it would be possible he stays with you guys or maybe your mother can help pay for a hotel for him to stay at. We know you mentioned that your mother is unwilling to communicate with him or his family, you could try asking your mother her reasoning for not communicating and see if she would be willing to do a FaceTime call or a Zoom call, so that way she can see how they look and get to know them better.
Because you are legally an adult if you were to leave without permission, you would not legally be in any trouble. We want you to know that safety is the top concern.
If you would like to explore options, please give us a call we are available 24/7. We also have a service called conference calling where if you call us we can call out to your mother and help you have a conversation about your long distance boyfriend. We would be there for support and help mediate the conversation.
NRS

I am 19 years old and in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, we been together for 2 years and haven’t seen each other in person yet but we planned that I can come to him and his mom is willing to let me stay at the house so I don’t have to pay to stay at a hotel which is good since we plan on moving in together and we can save money to afford an apartment.
we’ve been planning this since the beginning of our relationship and my mom still wouldn’t let me go see him, I respect my mom so much but her continuously not supporting me in making this choice it’s making me scared that she won’t ever talk to me again and stay mad at me forever if I just leave the house and go to him for a week or even get kicked out of the house I shouldn’t be thinking like that.
My mom says that he’s the man and should be the one that comes to me but I’m also thinking about how expensive it would be for him to visit me as my mom isn’t going to let him stay in the house he would have to stay in the hotel and I’m positive that we will not have 5 minutes to ourselves and being constantly watched. I understand my mom’s concerns and thinking about every bad thing that could happen but I can legally make my own choices. I feel like I’m being babied a bit to much and it’s a bit to far I cry every single night cause I feel like I will never move on with my life. She won’t consider talking on the phone and get comfortable with him and his parents and talk about a plan at least. She talks about her not knowing them and of course she doesn’t because she choose not to, it’s long distance things need to get done on the phone first before anything happens.
I know she’s protective of me and I respect that and love that she cares but it’s more of being over protective and thinking a lot of negativity like some bad gone happen to me cause I’m a female nothing in life is just bad.
she doesn’t want to have an actual conversation with any of us I just wish she can communicate this situation not just with me but with my boyfriend and his parents at least.

[ccsmod15]

Thank you for contacting NRS. It sounds like you are going through a tough time and we’re glad you reached out to us.



Do you have friends or family that you are comfortable talking to about your situation? They may have advice or ideas that may be helpful to you. If you think it would be helpful to you, you can also call us and we can arrange a conference call with your Mom to talk about how you feel.



At NRS our main goal is to see that you are safe and off the street. We’re not legal experts, but we can provide some basic information that may be helpful to you.



Generally the age of majority (the age at when you can legally leave home) is 18. Running away is not illegal. Since you are 16, however, if you run away, your Mom can file a runaway report. If you are picked up by the police they will likely take you back home. You should know that if you are staying with someone and you are picked up there, they could be charged with harboring a runaway.



The way the police handle runaway and harboring cases varies from place to place. If you call the non-emergency number of your local police department they may be able to tell you how they handle runaway and harboring cases. If you are uncomfortable making the call, you can call us and one of our volunteers can make the call with or for you.



You can also always call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or contact us by chat at www.1800runaway.org. We have volunteers available 24/7 to talk and to help you find resources that may be helpful to you.



We wish you the best!

hey, i'm 16 and my boyfriend is 18 years old. we've been dating for 3 months and i really wanna visit him for Christmas. but i think that i won't be able to do it because of my mom. she doesn't trust me. she hacked into all my social media to check our chats and she thinks he is bad for me. i never had a good relationship with her and now i don't know what to do. she did it against my own will, she could've asked me or something but no. anyways, now she doesn't trust me and his relationship with her isn't so good either. he doesn't like her because she is controlling and against us dating. i really want to visit him, i started working and saving up some money to visit him/gift him something nice. but i need my mom to let me...
he will visit me on summer, but i start missing him a lot now so i thought ab meeting him earlier. i know that im a minor, but he doesn't live that far away.. its only like a 2 hour flight or 15h ride..
i will have the finances by the time. she won't even need to pay for the flight. i think she is more worried about what we are going to do there, or that she doesn't know his family and him. but i wanna visit him so bad

[ccsmod5]

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like the situation has been pretty frustrating. It might be helpful if his mom and your mom could communicate and get on the same page about possible meeting with them there. If there’s some compromise on all parts, maybe it could be something you guys could talk about. If you need to talk or want to throw out some ideas, please feel free to call or chat with us!
We hope to hear from you soon.

Be safe,
NRS

Hello, im 13 and my boyfriends 14 and my mom let us see eachother unless he comes up here and his mom wont let hom we havent seen eachother ever we ft every night and it makes me amd bc shes let me go places by myself many times iv ben to florida and ohio by my self on a plane and he lives in Missouri and im in Ohio its only 7hrs away and i really wanna hug him and just meet him. We have been dating for like 2 months but we have been friends for about a yr so i really wanna see him. Iv already asked her about multiple times and shes said no unless he comes up to Ohio and his mom wont let him.

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems like you are feeling very alone right now, instead of supported by your family. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe, NRS

Hello, I'm 21, will be 22 this year. I will be visiting my boyfriend for our 1 year together after meeting online. We have met before and I have slept over at his house but without my parents knowing. They have never allowed me and my siblings to sleep over at anyone's house because my mom fears of something bad happening to us. I booked my tickets and I have yet to tell my dad that I'm going. I told my mom, I just want some space but she said if I want space why leave with my boyfriend. I just want space. He makes me feel so happy and he's always been a great support system to me. Trying to understand me and always giving me his attention. As of this year, they asked me to pay to help the cost of the house. I agreed. If needed I can pay extra. Is it always this hard to be happy? I don't get why she is so scared to let me go, I know I'm her daughter always will be, but she might be scared to let me spread my wings because my sister who is older than me, hasn't done anything like me. She's living day by day, working and keeping her relationship private and my parents don't know about her relationship. She also has a better connection with my mom and I never had. I don't get to see my boyfriend every so often, at home we are always having problems because of me. Am I growing up to fast to her, that she didn't expect it. I feel like I've reached my lowest point right now. I work, go to school and my day is over, I rarely go out with friends. I see a couple of my friends who go out and explore with their boyfriend/friends and I doubt I'd ever get the chance to do that because they don't even let me go a few hours away. I'm going regardless of what they have told me, I booked my own ticket. She also mentioned that if I leave, my dad would basically kick me out. I feel so alone. Can't even count on my sister.

[ccsmod4]

Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on.
NRS is here to listen and here to help.
We would be glad to speak with you about strategies or options that might help you to cope better with your situation.
We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more about your situation and we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

You did a wonderful job reaching out today. Good for you.
We look forward to hearing from you.


Take care,
NRS

Hi, I’m 21 and I met a guy online we’ve been talking for 2 years now and are planning to meet, however, my family won’t let me see him because they are always afraid something bad is going to happen like raping or sex trafficking and my mom said she will not help me file for financial aid anymore unless if I do as they say I feel that there is a lot of control and they do not accept that I am an adult and constantly tell me I’m not 80 years old so I haven’t had as much experience in life as they had. They said I could do what I wanted when I get my diploma, I will be graduating this year, however, I also plan to go to pharmacy school and I feel this level of control will only continue even after I get my bachelors degree. I feel that this control and level of protection will never stop I have tried talking to them but nothing works. They also said they never want to see him because he’s from a country that they don’t like because my dad is from there and my parents are divorced. I feel that I am not allowed to make my own decisions about who I want to date and what I want to do with my life because they have that level of control over me and I’m a legal adult for 3 years now. I feel trapped please help

[ccsmod6]

Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We’re sorry to hear that your parents have not been accepting of your boyfriend, but it is wonderful that he sounds so sweet and so smart. As you are 18, unless you are in MS, AL, or NE, you have the right to live wherever you want. If you wanted to move out, we would be happy to talk with you about what that might look like and what your options would be. However, if that is not an option, you may have to respect your parents’ rules in order to stay living there. That being said, maybe your parents might be open to having a conversation about the situation with the purpose of trying to come to a compromise between the two of you. If you wanted, we could facilitate a conference call between you guys where we could make sure that everyone is heard and everyone gets an opportunity to voice their concerns. We can also look into what mental health resources might be available in your area in order to get help for the depression that you are dealing with. Mental health issues are extraordinarily difficult to deal with, especially when others are making things worse than they have to be, and we want you to know that we are here if you ever need someone to listen. Please don’t hesitate to call us on our 24/7 hotline 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

Take care,
NRS

Hi, I’m 18 and I’ve been with the sweetest, most smart guy for the past couple of months. He’s met my parents and they’ve said that he’s a great person but they won’t let me even hang out with him or see him. They say that they don’t like him because of his looks (I find him very attractive but they don’t because he’s dark skinned). They also don’t like him because he hasn’t started college due to financial reasons which is messed up because we’re both still young and he doesn’t receive any help. They’re taking a toll on my mental health and I’ve found myself depressed and suicidal many times because of them. They as well don’t let me hang out with friends and keep me under a strict curfew. I feel trapped, please help ;(

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you so much for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline and sharing your story with us. It sounds like you are going through a tough situation. It is difficult to be at a legal age to do what you want but still have your parents telling you can’t otherwise they will not pay for your tuition.
We are not legal experts but we do have general information on the laws. It is legal for you to leave without their permission. But it seems if you do leave you would have some consequences. You would need to decide if you left would it be worth it to drop out of school. One option to consider is having your boyfriend come visit you and maybe stay somewhere else if his finances allow that. Or you could consider waiting until you are finished with school. Or you could consider talking with your parents and coming to a compromise. At NRS we offer conference calling where if you call us we can call out to your parents. Conference calling allows you to be heard and we are there to mediate the conversation and provide support to you.
We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and provide support. We wish you the best of luck!
NRS

Hello, I am 20 years old and want to travel out to another country to visit this guy I have been dating for two years. My parents have let him visit twice and stay over at my place but ever since there were rough patches between him and I, my parents don't like him and want me to stop seeing him. However, I feel like they honestly don't know what's going and I feel that if I open up to them, they will just push their opinion on to me and not listen.

I bought my plane ticket and planned to travel out to see him secretly but my mom found out and has blackmailed me(?) If I go, she will stop paying for my university. First of all, we wouldn't be in that situation if she allowed me to live under my dad's taxes. I would be receiving more aid and have less loans but she won't do it. So instead, my mom and dad have to pay out of pocket, even though my dad argued against this. I feel like it's not fair and it's so difficult to live in a household where I'm told I received everything I needed but why do I feel so trapped? I want to run away and see him. I paid for my own ticket but if I do see him, I have to quit school? I want to go badly, I want to leave and not feel suffocated for a bit.

I don't know what to think about the situation. Please tell me what is best because I feel like my parents just want me to stay a child forever. I feel like I can't grow up and make my own choices and if I do, I get bullied into acting like a child again.

[ccsmod6]

Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We’re sorry to hear that your dad is treating you in a way that makes you so miserable. It is understandable that you would want to leave that kind of environment. The best approach to seeing your mom would probably be reaching out to her and talking to her. It sounds like your dad is restricting your ability to do that so maybe you could reach out to your mom over email, social media, or phone if those are possibilities. You can also give us a call or chat us if you need help brainstorming other ways to try and get in contact with her. If you are interested in having that conversation, we are available 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929 or 1800runaway.org.

Take care,
NRS