21 & Parents won't let me visit boyfriend

**Guest** · 12-21-2018, 08:35 PM

Hi I'm 23 years old me and my best friend been friends for 8 years I ask my parents can I come see my friend they said no I kept begging my parents they keep saying no , my friend has been there for me as always I am old enough to go places and my parents don't understand about it I don't know what to do anymore what can I do to make my parents say yes I tell my friend my parents are strict I keep making excuses about my parents my friend don't understand why I am not allowed to go out any places I am tired of my parents keep controlling me and telling me what to do or cannot do

**Guest** · 05-10-2019, 10:13 PM

I want to go and see one of my friends that I have a while not seeing and I want to go where my aunt lives so we could hang out and talk about everything that has been going so far in our lives and all the good things and bad things that have happened to us. I just want to go chill with him and play basketball but my mom doesn’t want to take me because she thinks I am going to go see my boyfriend. But I told her I wasn’t. She also doesn’t want to let me go because she thinks that I will see him and be with him. I don’t understand why my mom doesn’t want me to go. I also don’t understand what she got with my boyfriend she already met him and his mom but she still won’t let me go. Sometimes I feel so bad because I really want to see him because I miss him but I can’t. I can’t even see him at school because he doesn’t go to the school I go to. I just wish I could understand what a going on but I just don’t understand. She also very mad at me because I have more guys that I hang out with than girls. And I always tell her that guys are just so funny I know girls are are to but boys are just idk but they have more Experience with life and with sports. I just want my parents to understand me and to understand the things I like doing that’s all. I won’t lie but I always tell my mom that if she prefers me telling her if she lets me go than ditching class to hang out with my friends because I know she won’t let me. I know I have done it in the past but I learned that that’s not the way to do it. So I try doing things the right way but she always says no because they are guys even if they are the dame she as me. I have a step dad and I told him if I could go and see my friend and he said yes and he told me to tell my mom if she could take me but she was like no. She said why don’t they come here instead of u going and I was like well right here there is nothing to play and over there u could play volleyball or basketball or whatever u want. But no she doesn’t let me. I just want to have more free time for me and I like hanging out with them because they tell me there stories and I tell them mines and they help me out like I do to. I always try to be honest with my mom but I just don’t understand her. Sometimes I wish she could understand me and understand that we are all different in our own way and love doing things that we like and like hanging with the people we want to. I just hope and wish they could give me my space and not always be on top of me about everything because I get stress with everything and how much she is always telling me this and that and doesn’t let me be who I want to be or do what I want to do. I know she is trying to protect me but there are times it’s too much and I can’t anymore. Sometimes I feel like running away just to not be with her but I also love her and care for her. But she really doesn’t understand me I just wish she did. I am 16 years old and I live in LA I really hope u guys could help me out and tell me what to do because I don’t know what to do sometimes k don’t want to get home from school because we are always arguing because she doesn’t want me to see my bf.

**ccsmod4** · 05-11-2019, 02:41 AM

Reply: I want to go and see one of my friends

Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like there has been some big differences between you and your mother about freedom of choice about visiting friends and a boyfriend. We understand the difficulty of your situation ad how frustrating it has become for you. Sometimes things become overwhelming due to a lack of communication and understanding. It sounds like you would like for her to listen and trust that you can be responsible.
Perhaps you might consider having friends visit you from time to time in an effort to let your mother get to know them. Another might be to bring your mom and aunt together to come up with a supervision policy when you visit. NRS is here to listen and here to help. Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. If you would like to speak more about your situation and explore options, please contact us at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or www.1800runaway.org

You did a good job reaching out today. We hope that things change for the better.

Take care,
NRS

We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us

**Guest** · 05-12-2019, 08:37 AM

Hello. I am 16 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 17 but turning 18 later on in the year. I use to be able to see him every single day and everything use to be perfect because we are like best friends and he helps me through things and I truly love him and he loves me back as well and we use to see each other a lot during the beginning of summer but my mom started to get mad at me for seeing him too much so she stopped letting me. Part of this is because she’s extremely lazy to take me to his house and my family says that I’m too deep in love and everything but they never try to talk to me about how I feel about him or with any other problems and when I try to then they’ll get mad at me and shame me. It gotten so bad that I couldn’t see him as much anymore but sometimes one every one week or three or two and sometimes I wouldn’t see him for a month. My boyfriend is getting very impatient and it’s starting to really bring him down that he can’t see me everyday anymore or at least way more than them he amount that I normally get to see him. It’s even harder now because he now haves a job and trying to get a car and he doesn’t have a set schedule. Is there any type of way where I can convince my mom or someone if I can see him way more? Or at least me trying to find a way to see him myself. He graduated early so i can’t see him during school anymore. I really want to run away because he is my literally the only person and he’s my best friend and everything to me and who I talk to and they even trust him and love him. We’ve been together longer for a year and I don’t want it to get bad to the point that he’ll get very down and leave. Can someone please help me.. and is there a way that I can convince him to wait for me just a little longer for I can find a way for us to see each other more. He doesn’t have his license yet because he recently moved down here a couple years ago and didn’t know that he could’ve been gotten his license at 16 and I am studying for my permit. I am a very good child and I don’t go nowhere or get to do anything but just stay home and go to school and wait for him to get off work.. someone please help us.. I really love and and want to find a solution for us seeing each other more before it’s too late

**Guest** · 06-10-2019, 04:40 AM

Me and my long distance boyfriend have been dating for 4 years and we're finally ready to meet sometime this summer, but because of a tragic family event that happened 7 years ago, I fear my family will never accept me having a LDR relationship.
When I was 16, a family member who lived in our house started to talk to minors online and in a few months time ended up being arrested for flying out to another state to intentionally meet a minor. It was a sting operation, but he was discovered to be talking to at least one real minor that was the nail in the coffin to get him locked up for years. In fact he's still in jail and we have no idea when he's getting out. And so because of him, my mom became parinoid about the Internet. The first thing she told me the night he got arrested was, "The computer is bad. The computer is bad."
Back then I had just started my first relationship with someone a year younger than me basically that same month. It was a LDR so we texted a lot. Back then I had a slider phone so there was no passcode or lock. A few months later when I was taking a nap in another room, my mom went into my room and looked into my phone. I remember how loud she slammed the door open, waking me up startled and asking, "Who is ******?" Even though we were the same age, she was scared for my safety. She was scared I was talking to older men like that girl. She was only trying to look out for me but at the time she was stricken with paranoia and had to be the one to hear about everything my family member did via the lawyers to help him. She was so upset she wanted me to cut all ties with him. I had to lie we stopped talking in order to put her mind at ease. We eventually broke up a few years later.
Now I'm 22, and my current boyfriend is 27. He lives 4 hours away but it's still a very long trip and he's never been to my state before. I just want to have one weekend with him, but because of how my mother reacted to my last relationship, I'm too scared to tell her I have a boyfriend. Granted, her deminor has changed a lot since then. She was more prone to anger back then, but now she's piled with a billion other problems that she's become more tired and less strict. But that still doesn't mean she won't be shocked and scared if I tell her I have an older boyfriend. I already have a cover story set, saying we met at a concert and talked online after that, but I don't want to tell her all that until I do meet my boyfriend. If I tell her before he comes over, I fear she'll get my dad involved and they'll hover the whole weekend. 4 years of being together and then your mom, or even worse your mom AND dad ready to dial 911 at any minute is a nightmare. By the way, in all this mess, did I mention how my parents view me?
My mom knows I'm 22, but she sees and treats me as a 15 year old. My dad probably thinks I'm 20 but sees me as a 13 year old. My mom still thinks I'm a child and my dad wants to keep me a child. My dad doesn't like it when I have the very rare plan to spend the weekend with what few friends I have because the weekend are "his" days. My mom lets me go on little trips with my friends but she misses me a lot during them. I feel like the only time I can make up a valid excuse to be away for a few days is to meet my bf on the weekend since that's the only time I do hang with friends.
Because of all the stress and sheltering, I don't have the confidence to drive a car, but I do have my license. I do wish I could just drive somewhere to meet him but just thinking about it makes me sweat.
I want to tell my mom, but I'm so scared I'll break her heart if she finds out I have a bf, like her little girl is growing up into relationships, even though I'm not a little girl. I can't wait to crash down on my dad that I have a bf, but I do fear he'll be mad because there's a guy that's going to be holding my hand/"stealing" his time with me. The thing about my mom though is that she did recently say I was allowed to date, but "I just don't know who deserves you". My mom wants me to try and focus on continuing college but I have no idea what I want to do. If I introduce my boyfriend now, my mom and especially my dad will use him as an excuse to push for education and drop the relationship. I fear and kind of know he's not the kind of person they'd want me to be dedicated to. He's soft spoken, very nice and relaxed, but he's not a go getter I guess? I think they'd want me to be with someone who is more outgoing and confident while our relationship is more quiet and calm.
In the end of all this mess, I just want to meet him for the weekend, but I feel like no one can help me without me going behind my parents back and using my friends as an excuse. I'm too scared to ask the two friends I trust. One I'm not even that close to and the other seems too busy to help. Plus they don't seem interested. I don't push them because they're actually younger than me and I fear they see me as pathetic to be this old and have no way to easily and safely meet up with their bf. I don't know what to do.

**Guest** · 07-18-2019, 08:51 AM

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 months now. I met him on a dating app, we’ve met in person multiple times (with my parents permission of course) and everything has been smooth sailing with him! I’m 19 and he’s 21. After dates, we mostly go back to his house to talk with his family and watch some TV. Here’s where the problem lies: my mom HATES this. She gets extremely defensive and says “why doesn’t he come here?” And says how I’m his puppet. Listen, I know what it’s like to be someone’s puppet.
My last relationship I basically was that, and verbally abusive. I know the signs and would never ever ever ever let that happen to me again. My boyfriend right now is honestly way better and nowhere near what my ex ever was.
I have had him come over a few times in the past, but my house is so chaotic that we don’t really get any kind of privacy for us because I’m usually being asked to help with this or that. When I’m not asked to help, I’d feel obligated and have to leave my boyfriend behind to help out. I am a sophomore in college and still live at home so I feel like I have to be in my best behavior almost in order to not tick my parents off to the point of them kicking me out.
I enjoy being able to go to his house, even though he lives 40 minutes away roughly. It’s a slight hike, but it’s an escape from home at this point. The last time I came back from his house, my parents were clearly annoyed with me because I was over his house and was home at 10:30pm (because the drive was so long). I don’t mind the drive at all. I think of it as a way to relax and to also learn new routes around the state that I’ve never taken before. They even said to me you might as well go back to his house and stay there then. I was like are you for real??
I feel like I can’t even tell my parents anything about him or our relationship. It’s bad enough when I had to tell my mom what my ex had done to me, she made the assumption that I was gonna sleep with every guy I talked to. I’m 19. I’m not a child anymore! I get where she comes from because I’m her only daughter and the only child without a disability and she doesn’t want anything to happen to me (I didn’t mean that in any offensive way, I have a younger brother who is special needs and that’s all. It’s just me and him).
I wish I could run away or be in my own place but I just had to buy my own car (which is a whole other story) and I just had to cut back on my jobs because I have to buckle down for this semester of college. So working extra right now isn’t really an option. Plus once I start the nursing classes (because I’m going to school for nursing) they told us to not be working at all because of how tough classes are. If I had the funds to move the heck out into an apartment, I seriously would because it’s getting ridiculous.
Like this morning we (my mom and I) got into an argument because I was going to his house today and she didn’t like the idea. I’m at my wits end. How can I get her to stop thinking that it’s such a horrible thing to do that??

**Guest** · 08-10-2019, 07:40 PM

Hi, im 16 years old about to be 17 I do virtual school so im not in public school but im always not doing good in school and my dad is always yelling at me and it makes me cry all the time. I live with my dad and stepmom and my two little brothers and im so miserable and i just want to go live with my mom. My dad put me on punishment right now so i havent seen my mom in about a month and i just want to go see her. I need to get away.

**Guest** · 09-09-2019, 02:41 PM

Hello, I am 20 years old and want to travel out to another country to visit this guy I have been dating for two years. My parents have let him visit twice and stay over at my place but ever since there were rough patches between him and I, my parents don't like him and want me to stop seeing him. However, I feel like they honestly don't know what's going and I feel that if I open up to them, they will just push their opinion on to me and not listen.

I bought my plane ticket and planned to travel out to see him secretly but my mom found out and has blackmailed me(?) If I go, she will stop paying for my university. First of all, we wouldn't be in that situation if she allowed me to live under my dad's taxes. I would be receiving more aid and have less loans but she won't do it. So instead, my mom and dad have to pay out of pocket, even though my dad argued against this. I feel like it's not fair and it's so difficult to live in a household where I'm told I received everything I needed but why do I feel so trapped? I want to run away and see him. I paid for my own ticket but if I do see him, I have to quit school? I want to go badly, I want to leave and not feel suffocated for a bit.

I don't know what to think about the situation. Please tell me what is best because I feel like my parents just want me to stay a child forever. I feel like I can't grow up and make my own choices and if I do, I get bullied into acting like a child again.

**Guest** · 01-19-2020, 03:17 PM

Hi, I’m 18 and I’ve been with the sweetest, most smart guy for the past couple of months. He’s met my parents and they’ve said that he’s a great person but they won’t let me even hang out with him or see him. They say that they don’t like him because of his looks (I find him very attractive but they don’t because he’s dark skinned). They also don’t like him because he hasn’t started college due to financial reasons which is messed up because we’re both still young and he doesn’t receive any help. They’re taking a toll on my mental health and I’ve found myself depressed and suicidal many times because of them. They as well don’t let me hang out with friends and keep me under a strict curfew. I feel trapped, please help ;(

**Guest** · 08-21-2020, 12:34 AM

Hi, I’m 21 and I met a guy online we’ve been talking for 2 years now and are planning to meet, however, my family won’t let me see him because they are always afraid something bad is going to happen like raping or sex trafficking and my mom said she will not help me file for financial aid anymore unless if I do as they say I feel that there is a lot of control and they do not accept that I am an adult and constantly tell me I’m not 80 years old so I haven’t had as much experience in life as they had. They said I could do what I wanted when I get my diploma, I will be graduating this year, however, I also plan to go to pharmacy school and I feel this level of control will only continue even after I get my bachelors degree. I feel that this control and level of protection will never stop I have tried talking to them but nothing works. They also said they never want to see him because he’s from a country that they don’t like because my dad is from there and my parents are divorced. I feel that I am not allowed to make my own decisions about who I want to date and what I want to do with my life because they have that level of control over me and I’m a legal adult for 3 years now. I feel trapped please help

**Guest** · 01-03-2021, 03:19 PM

Hello, I'm 21, will be 22 this year. I will be visiting my boyfriend for our 1 year together after meeting online. We have met before and I have slept over at his house but without my parents knowing. They have never allowed me and my siblings to sleep over at anyone's house because my mom fears of something bad happening to us. I booked my tickets and I have yet to tell my dad that I'm going. I told my mom, I just want some space but she said if I want space why leave with my boyfriend. I just want space. He makes me feel so happy and he's always been a great support system to me. Trying to understand me and always giving me his attention. As of this year, they asked me to pay to help the cost of the house. I agreed. If needed I can pay extra. Is it always this hard to be happy? I don't get why she is so scared to let me go, I know I'm her daughter always will be, but she might be scared to let me spread my wings because my sister who is older than me, hasn't done anything like me. She's living day by day, working and keeping her relationship private and my parents don't know about her relationship. She also has a better connection with my mom and I never had. I don't get to see my boyfriend every so often, at home we are always having problems because of me. Am I growing up to fast to her, that she didn't expect it. I feel like I've reached my lowest point right now. I work, go to school and my day is over, I rarely go out with friends. I see a couple of my friends who go out and explore with their boyfriend/friends and I doubt I'd ever get the chance to do that because they don't even let me go a few hours away. I'm going regardless of what they have told me, I booked my own ticket. She also mentioned that if I leave, my dad would basically kick me out. I feel so alone. Can't even count on my sister.

**Guest** · 05-18-2021, 11:20 AM

Hello, im 13 and my boyfriends 14 and my mom let us see eachother unless he comes up here and his mom wont let hom we havent seen eachother ever we ft every night and it makes me amd bc shes let me go places by myself many times iv ben to florida and ohio by my self on a plane and he lives in Missouri and im in Ohio its only 7hrs away and i really wanna hug him and just meet him. We have been dating for like 2 months but we have been friends for about a yr so i really wanna see him. Iv already asked her about multiple times and shes said no unless he comes up to Ohio and his mom wont let him.

**Guest** · 11-11-2021, 10:34 AM

hey, i'm 16 and my boyfriend is 18 years old. we've been dating for 3 months and i really wanna visit him for Christmas. but i think that i won't be able to do it because of my mom. she doesn't trust me. she hacked into all my social media to check our chats and she thinks he is bad for me. i never had a good relationship with her and now i don't know what to do. she did it against my own will, she could've asked me or something but no. anyways, now she doesn't trust me and his relationship with her isn't so good either. he doesn't like her because she is controlling and against us dating. i really want to visit him, i started working and saving up some money to visit him/gift him something nice. but i need my mom to let me...
he will visit me on summer, but i start missing him a lot now so i thought ab meeting him earlier. i know that im a minor, but he doesn't live that far away.. its only like a 2 hour flight or 15h ride..
i will have the finances by the time. she won't even need to pay for the flight. i think she is more worried about what we are going to do there, or that she doesn't know his family and him. but i wanna visit him so bad

**Guest** · 12-26-2022, 05:51 AM

I am 19 years old and in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, we been together for 2 years and haven’t seen each other in person yet but we planned that I can come to him and his mom is willing to let me stay at the house so I don’t have to pay to stay at a hotel which is good since we plan on moving in together and we can save money to afford an apartment.
we’ve been planning this since the beginning of our relationship and my mom still wouldn’t let me go see him, I respect my mom so much but her continuously not supporting me in making this choice it’s making me scared that she won’t ever talk to me again and stay mad at me forever if I just leave the house and go to him for a week or even get kicked out of the house I shouldn’t be thinking like that.
My mom says that he’s the man and should be the one that comes to me but I’m also thinking about how expensive it would be for him to visit me as my mom isn’t going to let him stay in the house he would have to stay in the hotel and I’m positive that we will not have 5 minutes to ourselves and being constantly watched. I understand my mom’s concerns and thinking about every bad thing that could happen but I can legally make my own choices. I feel like I’m being babied a bit to much and it’s a bit to far I cry every single night cause I feel like I will never move on with my life. She won’t consider talking on the phone and get comfortable with him and his parents and talk about a plan at least. She talks about her not knowing them and of course she doesn’t because she choose not to, it’s long distance things need to get done on the phone first before anything happens.
I know she’s protective of me and I respect that and love that she cares but it’s more of being over protective and thinking a lot of negativity like some bad gone happen to me cause I’m a female nothing in life is just bad.
she doesn’t want to have an actual conversation with any of us I just wish she can communicate this situation not just with me but with my boyfriend and his parents at least.

**Guest** · 10-01-2023, 10:18 PM

Hi, I’m 17 I’ll be 18 in 4 months I’m wanting to see my long distance boyfriend who’s coming out here to drop his brothers off and he’s willing to pick me up with his parent in the car. My mom is so anxious that something will happen even tho I told her I can call every hour. She’s anxious of my dad taking her to court. Her anxiety is so bad that she lets it control her. Her therapist told her if I wanted to go or run away let me. But she said that’s if I go to court and fill the papers out. Now I’m not running away I just want to see him for a week and then come back. I live in Missouri and my bf is in Tennessee so abut a 7 hrs drive. She’s not happy. Please tell me is there anything I can do :’) I’m about to just go anyways but I don’t want the police

21 & Parents won't let me visit boyfriend

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment