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21 & Parents won't let me visit boyfriend

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi I'm 23 years old me and my best friend been friends for 8 years I ask my parents can I come see my friend they said no I kept begging my parents they keep saying no , my friend has been there for me as always I am old enough to go places and my parents don't understand about it I don't know what to do anymore what can I do to make my parents say yes I tell my friend my parents are strict I keep making excuses about my parents my friend don't understand why I am not allowed to go out any places I am tired of my parents keep controlling me and telling me what to do or cannot do

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  • ccsmod11
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there,

    Thanks for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We are happy to help in any way we can.
    It must be really tough to be in a relationship with someone you haven’t seen in a year! That is very nice that you want to surprise him by supporting him at a football game. You mentioned that you haven’t discussed it with your parents, but you’re positive that they won’t be on board for the visit. If you do decide to have that conversation with them, sometimes it is easier to not have to do it alone. If you have another family member or close friend who is close to both you and your parents, perhaps they could sit in with you while you have it so that you have a neutral person there to keep the conversation productive for both “sides”. We offer a conference calling service here at NRS as well. You would call in here at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), talk about what’s going on, and then we would call out to your parents, have a brief discussion with them, and then join the call. We stay on the line as a neutral party, there to keep the conversation positive and compromise-driven.

    You mentioned that you have the money to buy your ticket, but you’re just not sure what to do. While we wish there would be an easy answer, sometimes a good way to come to your decision is by gathering all of the facts and then weighing it from there. If you decide to go without telling your parents, there is a possibility that they will report you as a runaway. We are not legal experts, but from our understanding, it is not illegal to run away; it’s something you simply cannot do because of your age, considered a “status offense”. So if your parents do report you to the police, their main goal would be to find you and then return you home.

    Sometimes people in your situation who do choose to go somewhere without receiving parental permission decide to leave a note. This way, if you go, your parents will not think that you are missing and know that you intend to come back. This may also divert them from making a police report, but that is not something we can say for certain! You know your parents the best, so you can perhaps weigh what their reactions would be in each situation.

    If you want to talk through your thoughts or potential plans any further, feel free to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). Sometimes it helps to even talk through your thoughts and develop a few potential courses of action. We’re here to listen, here to help.

    Best of luck,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hey, Im 17 years old and Im dating someone across the country that used to live where I live until he moved last year. My parents knew about him while we were together in the same state and continued to know about him while we are together but in a long distance relationship. I want to go visit him but I’m scared to ask or even mention it to my parents since they are really strict and I am underage. I will be 18 in a 3 months but I want to go surprise him at one of his football games and will still be 17 during that. I have the money to buy my own plane ticket with my money but I’m not sure if I should do it. I understand telling or at least mentioning it to my parents and talking about it will help but I’m positive they won’t let me go. They don’t approve of me having a boyfriend because I’m too young according to them. Him and I haven’t been at the best spot because we haven’t seen each other in a year. We both need to see each other. I’m not sure what to do, I don’t want to lie to my parents but I really do need to see him. And I simply don’t know what to do at this point, I’m pretty desperate. Please guide me.. thank you so much

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  • ccsmod1
    replied
    Thank you for contacting us at the National Runaway Safeline.

    We are sorry to hear about what has been going on and want you to know that you deserve to feel safe and happy in your home. It can be hard to move out when you feel that you don't have any support to do so. Some options you could consider would be programs like Job Corps and AmeriCorps. They are programs for young adults where you are provided food and housing and they also help you develop life skills and build your resume with work experience. You can look more into their programs at https://www.jobcorps.gov/ and https://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps.

    Another option would be looking into transitional housing. Transitional Living Programs (TLP'S) often provide things like housing, employment aid and counseling for young adults. You would want to contact them and inquire about their services and their openings. If you give us a call we could look up ones in your area. Don't hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 if you want to walk through these options or want to think about other ways to make your situation better.

    Best,

    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi there. I want to spend the night after a date with my boyfriend but I don’t know how to bring it up to my parents. They think it’s a date with just a guy and want to know what time I’ll be back and blah blah blah. It’s really frustrating because I’m 20 and legally an adult. But I’m still living at home. I really love this guy and feel safe with him. I’m also planning a trip with him, but think it’s safetest to say I’m going all by myself. I wish I could tell my parents, but I feel like they would say no. But yet again, I’m an adult. I also really want to start doing my own thing and being my own individual, but it’s hard when you have controlling parents still under their roof. I would leave, but where I am it’s too expensive to live on your own. Please help.

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  • ccsmod4
    replied
    Reply: Hi, I am 21 years old

    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

    We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on.
    We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    It sounds like you and your mother have had some discussions on you going to another state to visit your boyfriend. It also sounds like you this will be the first time you meet face to face.
    It’s good that you have a plan for lodging and it would be nice if you had enough money in case of emergency. Maybe you might consider speaking with him about a formal introduction to your mother.

    Perhaps if she had more information about your boyfriend she would feel somewhat more at ease. Safety is important.
    If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    We hope that this information is helpful to you! We’d love to hear what you think about your experience with the National Runaway Safeline (NRS).
    If you have a moment, please click the link below our signature line to fill out a quick survey.

    Take care,
    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi, I am 21 years old and have been dating my long distance boyfriend for about 4 months and I want to visit him. The problem is that he lives in another state. I asked my mom to go visit him, but she doesn't want me to because she is afraid something could happen. She says she doesn't want me to go because she has never met him and doesn't know anything about him. Also, she doesn't want me to be stranded if he doesn't show up. But I want to go see him for a weekend next month. I would stay in a hotel and he would drive me around everywhere. I understand but at the same time I want to meet him in person first before introducing him to her to make sure I think she would approve.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod1
    replied
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are here 24/7 to listen and to support.

    We're sorry to hear that you are butting heads with your parents but glad that you have a boyfriend that is there for you. Because you are over 18 you are legally able to leave your home without fear that your parents will file a runaway report. If you want to look into alternative housing so that you are not living in your parents house anymore, we can provide you with resources. Don't hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We also have a conference call service where a liner could mediate a conversation between you and your parents so that you could discuss your feelings and hopefully come to a resolution. Let us know if that is something you would be interested in.

    Good luck,

    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I am 20 years old and Im still not allowed to go to my boyfriend's house even though Im an adult and I have the rights to decide but my parents doesn't even care if Im an adult... I just feel safe when Im with my boyfriend because he makes me feel safe and I always want to spend the night at his house but my parents keep saying no for not letting me go to my boyfriend's house.

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  • ccsmod10
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there, thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you are in a tricky situation. We are here to see how we can help you out.

    It sounds like you got a ticket to see your boyfriend for Christmas Eve, but are worried about telling your parents because you are not sure how they will react. We here at the National Runaway Safeline are non-directive, meaning we won’t tell you if you are making the right decision or if you are being selfish, but we can help support you through this decision and how to talk with your parents. One service we have here is conference calling with youth and their families. If you were interested, we could hold a call with you and your parents together for you to tell them you bought a ticket to see your boyfriend with someone there to mediate the conversation and help you feel heard.

    Another option some people find helpful is writing your parents a letter explaining how you feel about visiting your boyfriend and that you bought a ticket to see him. This may be an opportunity to take time to get all of your thoughts down before speaking to them.

    Feel free to give us a call if you want to talk about some of these options. Good luck!

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hello, I'm 20 years old, and I've been dating my boydriend for almost a year. We met online and we finally met each other 6 months ago when he came to visit me. I have been planning to go visit him for the past year but I have a problem; my parents are extremely agaisnt it. They are scared that something might happen to me while I'm there but they don't want to admit it. Every time I ask them why they will just say "just because", and they call me selfish for getting in this relationship in the first place.They critize me for dating him, because he is white and they don't like his appearance. I've met my boyfriend's parents before, and I trust him a lot. I am sure I will be completely safe during my visit, but they won't listen.

    I made a promise to my boyfriend that I would visit during christmas eve. I was tired of waiting, to get my parents aproval but I knew that wouldn't happen. Since I am going anyways I decided that I would get the tickets, while they were still cheap without telling them. All I have to do now is to tell them, but I am not sure how they will react. I don't know what to do. Am I making the right choice or should I obey them? Am I being selfish for doing what I want to do?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod0
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello, thank you for taking the time to write to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you care about your boyfriend very much and would like to go and visit him. You mentioned that you want to have your mothers blessing before going. Have you tried talking to her about this plan? If you would like we can host a conference call between you and your mother. We would serve as mediators, we are not here to necessarily choose sides but rather help come up with a solution that would make the situation at home better. This might be helpful to you if you have concerns about your mother not listening or not being open to hear what you have to say. If you feel like this is a service that you would find useful you can give us a call and one of our trained liner will be happy to assist you. The choice is up to you, we can still always just talk to you about your options.
    We wish you the best of luck,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I just turned 21 and live is a psychiatric facility. I want to go and visit my boyfriend who lives in Kentucky and I'm saving up to see him but I want my moms blessing and don't want to be on her bad side. I want everybody to be happy but that's my downfall Always.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod10
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi,

    Sorry to hear that you’re having such a tough time. It sounds like you really care about both your dad and your boyfriend. It certainly can be frustrating if your dad is making you choose between such important people in your life. Unfortunately, we are non-directive at NRS and cannot give out advice.

    From what you mentioned, your dad hasn’t been very open-minded about you and your boyfriend’s relationship. Have you tried having a third party help you speak to your dad? Sometimes someone like a relative, or adult family friend can help make those conversations stay calmer and let both sides be heard. NRS offers a conference calling service, between youth and parents. If you needed us to help facilitate a conversation between you and your dad, we can definitely do that.

    If you want to talk more, you can always reach out to us at 1-800-RUNAWAY to brainstorm more options. We’re open 24x7.
    Best of luck

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hey, I am 18 years old and my dad won’t let me see my boyfriend. He told me that I can do whatever I want, but I would have to be home at curfew. Then, he tells me that if I’m seen hanging out with him it’s not something he’ll forgive and move on. It’s confusing. My dad later on tells me that I won’t have a dad anymore once I find out that he’s the wrong guy for me. Like who says that to your own child? My boyfriend has never given me a reason not to be with him or has ever made me feel like I’m not good enough. He truly makes me happy. Happier than I’ve ever been and my dad doesn’t seem to see or understand that. It’s frustrating. I love my dad more than anything and I’ll always have his back, but he wants me to break up with him and that’s not something I can just do. I can’t break up with him because if I did I would truly be unhappy then. I would be unhappy because I would’ve broke off a relationship that didn’t need to be broken off. I would’ve done it for someone else’s needs and not my own. It’s hard.. it truly is and I just don’t know how to tell him that I’m going to stay with my boyfriend until I feel like I need to end it. And not for his needs. I don’t want him to think I’m choosing my boyfriend over him either, but what I’ve come to realize is that he isn’t the controller of my life. I can’t help who I fall in love with and I can’t help that the person I did fall in love with doesn’t fall under his standards of a “perfect” guy. But he’s perfect to me. I’ve been with him for almost 2 years now and I still feel the same way I felt when I first met him. I’ve been we had one bad feeling about him and still don’t. So it’s hard when your dad doesn’t approve of your relationship because it’s every daughters dream to have their dads like their boyfriends. So when they don’t it makes you feel like you’re turning your back on your parents just because you’re choosing to stay with a person that makes you unbelievably happy. So, I’m asking you, how do I tell my dad?

    Leave a comment:

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