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21 & Parents won't let me visit boyfriend

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  • #16
    Hi I'm 23 years old me and my best friend been friends for 8 years I ask my parents can I come see my friend they said no I kept begging my parents they keep saying no , my friend has been there for me as always I am old enough to go places and my parents don't understand about it I don't know what to do anymore what can I do to make my parents say yes I tell my friend my parents are strict I keep making excuses about my parents my friend don't understand why I am not allowed to go out any places I am tired of my parents keep controlling me and telling me what to do or cannot do


    • ccsmod9
      ccsmod9 commented
      Editing a comment
      Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

  • #17

    I want to go and see one of my friends that I have a while not seeing and I want to go where my aunt lives so we could hang out and talk about everything that has been going so far in our lives and all the good things and bad things that have happened to us. I just want to go chill with him and play basketball but my mom doesn’t want to take me because she thinks I am going to go see my boyfriend. But I told her I wasn’t. She also doesn’t want to let me go because she thinks that I will see him and be with him. I don’t understand why my mom doesn’t want me to go. I also don’t understand what she got with my boyfriend she already met him and his mom but she still won’t let me go. Sometimes I feel so bad because I really want to see him because I miss him but I can’t. I can’t even see him at school because he doesn’t go to the school I go to. I just wish I could understand what a going on but I just don’t understand. She also very mad at me because I have more guys that I hang out with than girls. And I always tell her that guys are just so funny I know girls are are to but boys are just idk but they have more Experience with life and with sports. I just want my parents to understand me and to understand the things I like doing that’s all. I won’t lie but I always tell my mom that if she prefers me telling her if she lets me go than ditching class to hang out with my friends because I know she won’t let me. I know I have done it in the past but I learned that that’s not the way to do it. So I try doing things the right way but she always says no because they are guys even if they are the dame she as me. I have a step dad and I told him if I could go and see my friend and he said yes and he told me to tell my mom if she could take me but she was like no. She said why don’t they come here instead of u going and I was like well right here there is nothing to play and over there u could play volleyball or basketball or whatever u want. But no she doesn’t let me. I just want to have more free time for me and I like hanging out with them because they tell me there stories and I tell them mines and they help me out like I do to. I always try to be honest with my mom but I just don’t understand her. Sometimes I wish she could understand me and understand that we are all different in our own way and love doing things that we like and like hanging with the people we want to. I just hope and wish they could give me my space and not always be on top of me about everything because I get stress with everything and how much she is always telling me this and that and doesn’t let me be who I want to be or do what I want to do. I know she is trying to protect me but there are times it’s too much and I can’t anymore. Sometimes I feel like running away just to not be with her but I also love her and care for her. But she really doesn’t understand me I just wish she did. I am 16 years old and I live in LA I really hope u guys could help me out and tell me what to do because I don’t know what to do sometimes k don’t want to get home from school because we are always arguing because she doesn’t want me to see my bf.
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 05-11-2019, 02:41 AM.


    • #18
      Reply: I want to go and see one of my friends

      Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

      We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like there has been some big differences between you and your mother about freedom of choice about visiting friends and a boyfriend. We understand the difficulty of your situation ad how frustrating it has become for you. Sometimes things become overwhelming due to a lack of communication and understanding. It sounds like you would like for her to listen and trust that you can be responsible.
      Perhaps you might consider having friends visit you from time to time in an effort to let your mother get to know them. Another might be to bring your mom and aunt together to come up with a supervision policy when you visit. NRS is here to listen and here to help. Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. If you would like to speak more about your situation and explore options, please contact us at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or

      You did a good job reaching out today. We hope that things change for the better.

      Take care,

      We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us
      Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

      National Runaway Safeline (Crisis Email)
      1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

      Tell us what you think about your experience!


      • #19
        Hello. I am 16 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 17 but turning 18 later on in the year. I use to be able to see him every single day and everything use to be perfect because we are like best friends and he helps me through things and I truly love him and he loves me back as well and we use to see each other a lot during the beginning of summer but my mom started to get mad at me for seeing him too much so she stopped letting me. Part of this is because she’s extremely lazy to take me to his house and my family says that I’m too deep in love and everything but they never try to talk to me about how I feel about him or with any other problems and when I try to then they’ll get mad at me and shame me. It gotten so bad that I couldn’t see him as much anymore but sometimes one every one week or three or two and sometimes I wouldn’t see him for a month. My boyfriend is getting very impatient and it’s starting to really bring him down that he can’t see me everyday anymore or at least way more than them he amount that I normally get to see him. It’s even harder now because he now haves a job and trying to get a car and he doesn’t have a set schedule. Is there any type of way where I can convince my mom or someone if I can see him way more? Or at least me trying to find a way to see him myself. He graduated early so i can’t see him during school anymore. I really want to run away because he is my literally the only person and he’s my best friend and everything to me and who I talk to and they even trust him and love him. We’ve been together longer for a year and I don’t want it to get bad to the point that he’ll get very down and leave. Can someone please help me.. and is there a way that I can convince him to wait for me just a little longer for I can find a way for us to see each other more. He doesn’t have his license yet because he recently moved down here a couple years ago and didn’t know that he could’ve been gotten his license at 16 and I am studying for my permit. I am a very good child and I don’t go nowhere or get to do anything but just stay home and go to school and wait for him to get off work.. someone please help us.. I really love and and want to find a solution for us seeing each other more before it’s too late


        • ccsmod7
          ccsmod7 commented
          Editing a comment
          Thanks so much for reaching out. It makes sense that you’d be upset you don’t get to see your boyfriend very often, and it sounds like you’re feeling pretty anxious about the future of the relationship and frustrated with your family.

          It sounds like you have tried talking to your parents about how you’re feeling and they didn’t want to listen. Sometimes it can be helpful to communicate in a written letter or email instead of in person. It can also help to have a third party, like a counselor or another family member, help mediate the conversation. At NRS, we have a free conference call service where a volunteer mediates a call between a youth and their parents to make sure the discussion is calm and everyone gets a chance to be heard. If you’d like to learn more or give it a try, we are available 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929.

          If transportation is the issue, maybe you could think about getting a part-time job to save up enough money to take public transportation or cabs/Ubers to see your boyfriend. Or maybe his parents or friends would be willing to drive him to see you more often. However, relationships can end for lots of different reasons, and unfortunately you may not be able to control the outcome.

          Something to keep in mind is that it is important to have a strong support network of different people you can go to when you’re having a hard time. You mentioned that your boyfriend was one of your only friends, which can put a lot of pressure on the relationship. No matter what happens between you and your boyfriend, you deserve to have people in your life who care about you and support you. Finding ways to make friends, like joining clubs or activities at school, might help you feel less anxious.

          We are here for you 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929 if you’d like to talk more about the situation or brainstorm some other options.
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