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not where i need to be

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  • not where i need to be

    im 14 and living in a suburban area which is nice and safe but i feel empty...i know this is not where i should be. After reading a book i realized where i wanted to go and find out where i needed to be but the only thing is the boy i love is here and yet if i stayed id be so unhappy. Im ready to just walk put of the house one day but if i do id never see him again and that would break my heart. My parents know nothing of my feelings and if i tried to tell them i know they would be very upset and never let me out of the house. Im ready to leave but this boy is the one thing holding me back. We're not together, we're not having a relationship but he feels nothing for me and yet i love him. What am I to do?

  • #2
    Re: not where i need to be

    Hello,

    Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Switchboard with your story. It shows that you have a genuine interest in your pursuit for happiness even after you have realized that where you are is not the right place to find it. It is never easy figuring out certain matters of the heart and we hear you clearly on how conflicted it must make you feel when you yearn for so much but nothing seems to be coming your way. We certainly empathize with your situation and highly regard your correspondence as not just meaningful but realistic in your search to get somewhere but not knowing how to get there.

    As crisis intervention workers, our role is to assist you in any way we can with setting up and walking you through a plan if you were to call us to talk about one. We imagine that reading books presents a way for you to escape the cruel and harsh realities of life but it sounds like after you have reached the last page, it must sadden you to realize that they are just words, and reach the point where you want to run to find out how those words translates into real life. We appreciate your sincerity with feeling torn about wanting to leave but this boy is pulling you in emotionally. Have you attempted to reach out to this young man and is he aware of what you are feeling? Losing the upper hand in these situations can be frightening and embarrassing if the same feelings are not reciprocated but is there someone you trust enough in your town to lean on in this time of need? Is there someone you feel close enough to, to help you examine the situation or even try to help you communicate better with this young man? What would happen if he were to communicate the same feelings to you? Would you then change your desire to leave? It sounds like you have been thinking about this for a while but what are some ways you can reach out to others to express how you feel? We imagine that telling your parents can be scary and who needs to be grounded when what you are seeking is beyond your walls at home. We certainly recognize your conflict of interest but what are your expectations for if you were to leave and what do you expect life to be like if you left and wanted to come back home?

    We want to be there for you and we certainly have liners available to you any time of day at our 1800-Runaway crisis line. In the mean time, we wondered if you were able to think of some other ways to distract yourself so that you have more time on your hands to do other things that you like. Are you able to get out more and see more and what are some things you do to get by in the process of figuring it all out? This is not an easy thing to go through and you do have to face it alone. We are confidential and we never judge you here, so feel free to take this time to empower yourself in the situation and we look forward to hearing from you soon. Good luck.

    -NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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