Hardest decision EVER.

[Unregistered]

Hello, I am 19 and have been dating my guy for two years. He is 20 and in the Navy. Let me start at the beginning; he and I dated for 7 months and were doing GREAT - but then we had a fight... I have serious helicopter parents; they are ALL IN MY BUSINESS about everyyyything. They found out about the fight and forbid me to date him. He and I, meanwhile, made up and have been talking/secretly dating since. My parents have caught me twice and have made it clear that they will kick me out and disown me if I am caught talking to him again... I have tried to reason with them, they DO NOT listen so sitting and talking with them will not work. In their minds he is the devil.

His family is amazing; I LOVE them and they have offered to let me stay with them (they live in the same town as my family and I) for as long as I need until I am ready to go live with him.

My issue is that I am currently attending University AND have a 2 year contract with a modeling agency - you could say I've got a lot going on! I have always been super sheltered too.. Mom and dad do EVERYTHING for me, so the thought of having to move out and be an ADULT is very scary for me. I am a young 19 year old.. I still let my parents assign me a "bed time" for crying out loud!! I have to be in bed at 10:00pm every night! Quite frankly though, I am tired of having every aspect of my life dictated by someone else. I havent even gotten to see my best friend in a month because every weekend i have to help my parents with their crap.

I have major GUILT. Oh my goodness I feel guilty. My parents have given me a pretty awesome life; I have horses, an awesome car, I am SPOILED.. Heavily monitored and controlled; but spoiled! They make it sound like I am abandoning and betraying them if I do something like go be with him. I can't help but think "yup, they've sacrificed sooo much for me and now im gonna just ditch them" ... But then I talk to my guy, or sneak seeing him when he is home on leave and he just makes me so HAPPY. I know he's the one.

I've thought about having his family come help me pack up and leave one day when my parents are at work, but I'm afraid to take that step. Mostly because of the guilt about my parents and being afriad of what they'll do.. They can be really mean.
BUT I am an adult, and I have be allowed to make decisions for myself eventually right? I'm seriously mentally split 50/50.

Any advice?

PS, I am positive that either way I'm gonna have to leave eventually anyways; parents are bound to catch us talking again!

[ccsmod5]

Re: Hardest decision EVER

Hello,

Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline, hopefully we can help you deal with this situation.

It can be really hard living with living with that much guilt. Your parents may have your best interest at heart but you seem to be struggling living under their control. It looks like you have considered many options considering your future and have understood the consequences of leaving your family. You are very responsible and shouldn't doubt your feelings regarding your family.

It sounds like they have a tight hold on you so it may be difficult to be independent. Your boyfriend's family sounds really supportive and understanding of your situation but it sounds like you are worried about your parents reaction. Since you are considering other options, have you thought of any other way to leave your parents house?

It sounds like you are really happy with your boyfriend but just to assure you have thought everything out, maybe consider ways to talk to your parents about him or other living arrangements that your parents would be okay with. It sounds like you really appreciate everything your family has done but are struggling being independent while living with them.

You are really strong for being honest about this problem and your feelings towards your family. If you have any other questions feel free to contact us anytime through our crisis line at 1(800)786-2929. We can explore options and strategies together and talk about what's available to you...no matter what you decide to do. We are anonymous, confidential and available 24/7.

Best,
NRS