I have to run away with my boyfriend

[Unregistered]

I am 18 and my boyfriend is 26. My parents won't let us see each other or talk to each other. My best friend has been letting me use her phone to talk to him at school, but I need to see him. I know that they're never going to accept him or us, but I love him and we already decided that after I finish high school and college, we're going to get married. I can't take being so depressed that I feel like dying. I feel so lost and I feel like God isn't giving me any answers. My Mom told me and my brother/sisters to make a list of what we want for Christmas, and all that I could write was "To be happy." Sometimes I feel stupid and like I should just suck it up and get over it, but I can't. The only people I can talk to about it are two of my friends because adults don't understand and will just judge him because he's 26 or call me naive, desperate, or obsessed like my Dad did. I won't be alone; my boyfriend said that he'd pick me up and let me stay at his apartment with him and he's going to take me to and from school. I feel like I'm being selfish because this is going to mess up the family for the third time and because it's so close to Christmas. But I feel so trapped like I'll never be able to get out and I keep coming back to the same conclusion that leaving is the only option. I'm tired of disappointing my parents, but I'm never going to be happy staying here and never seeing him again. I'm scared that I'll regret leaving, but I know that I'll regret staying. And I'm scared that I'll get there and realize that I don't love him as much as I think I do and it'll be too late to come back because my parents will be really mad and I would have ruined everything for nothing. I know that this post is random and jumps around a lot, but I'm crying and can't think in paragraph form. I just don't know what to do.

[ccsmod10]

RE: I have to run away with my boyfriend

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to us during this difficult time. It sounds like you are thinking of leaving soon to be with your boyfriend. Although laws very from state to state, in most places you are considered an adult at 18. The best way to get a straight answer would be to contact your local law enforcement and ask them what the age of majority is in your state. We are not legal experts and cannot give legal advice. However, Technically since you are an adult you should be able to leave without any legal consequences.

It sounds like you are worried about the emotional stress it may cause the family. Have you thought about talking to them about how that makes you feel? We are sorry to hear you are so unhappy and depressed. If you ever do feel like dying or hurting yourself you can always call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
We are sorry to hear your parents do not understand you. What do you think it would take for them to be accepting of your relationship? It sounds like this is a very stressful time for you as well. What other options do you think you have? You mentioned that you want to finish high school and college before getting married. We applaud you for wanting to continue your education, it sounds like you are planning ahead.

You also mentioned that you are worried about leaving and having to come back. Do you have a backup plan if things don’t go the way you expected? You can always call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) to discuss what other options you have available. We are a non-judgmental hotline that is available to you 24/7. We can also be reached by live chat from 4:30pm-11:30pm Central Standard Time at www.1800runaway.org if you ever need to talk. We wish you both the best of luck and hope to hear from you soon!

-NRS

[Unregistered]

RE: I have to run away with my boyfriend

When my parents found out, they were really mad, especially my Dad. For a couple weeks, every time I talked to him, he was mad and kept trying to convince me that my boyfriend is a terrible person even he's never met him. One night, before dropping me off at school for choir practice, my Dad told me that if he let us be together, I'd be pregnant within a few months, he would leave me, and I'd be a single, 18-year old mother. They will never accept our relationship. They might tolerate it once we're married and they have to, but I'm pretty sure that they'll never accept him/us. I'm planning on leaving Tuesday night after my choir concert at school and having him pick me up at a church near my house. I'm supposed to sing at my church Sunday, so I'll have to come back by then, plus I don't want to be gone on Christmas. I don't want to leave forever; I just want my parents to see that I love him and that I need him because I am so unhappy. I don't really have a backup plan. I have OCD and apparently a lot of people who have it feel like they don't love their partner even when they do, so it could be that or it could just be that I'm scared. Also, I am not going to kill or hurt myself, but sometimes I just feel so tired of living. I have been talking to my best friend who has had a lot of friends with psychological or emotional issues and she is my emotional support, but when I can't talk to her, I have no one. I have other friends and one other who knows about my plan to leave, but they can't give me the kind of emotional support that she can. Also, I've prayed about it, but I feel so distant from God, which makes me feel worse because I'm not putting Him first.

[Unregistered]

RE: I have to run away with my boyfriend

Also, my parents have been trying to get things back to normal, which makes me feel bad about even thinking about leaving, but they keep ignoring the reason this all started in the first place. Even if he's not right for me, I need to figure that out myself because them telling me is not going to change my mind. I wish that I could want a "normal" relationship, but I want him and now my life seems to be falling apart just because I fell in love.

[ccsmod1]

Re: RE: I have to run away with my boyfriend

Hey,

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you and your parents aren't understanding each other. It also sounds like ideally you may not even feel the need to leave home if they just allowed you to see this boy. Have you all ever tried family counseling? perhaps having someone objective in the middle can help so both sides are heard and possibly reach a compromise where both sides would be happy with. If you decide to give us a call, one of the things we might suggest is doing a conference call between us, you and your parent. We can help mediate a conversation about this and in the end provide counseling referrals that can help continue the conversation further. If you need to discuss this in further depth please dont hesitated to call us at our 24 hour hotline 1800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or you can live chat with us any day from 4:30-11:30pm central time. We hope this helped.

best of luck,
NRS Supervisor

[Unregistered]

RE: I have to run away with my boyfriend

I decided to wait until Wednesday after school to leave because my Mom only has one day off this week (Tuesday) and she wants to spend it with me and my brother/sisters and I don't want to be selfish and ruin that since I'm already probably going to ruin Christmas. I feel really conflicted because on one hand, I feel like I shouldn't go, but on the other hand, I know that I can't do this forever. I can't keep feeling so upset and alone and I can't keep pretending that I'm not talking to him. I did that once and my parents found out, which is how I got here in the first place. I need my parents to know that even though they love me and want what's best for me, they don't always know what's best. And even if they're right, I need the freedom to find that out for myself or I'll never be happy and I'll never be able to forgive them. I wish that there were a way to get them to see that without hurting them by leaving. Even though they've hurt me SO much, I don't want to hurt them because I love them, but I've tried talking to them.... a lot and it just made things worse. But I don't know if this will change anything besides reopening a huge issue and making everything worse again. I don't know what they'll do when they find out that I'm gone. Also, to solve the issue of leaving and then realizing that I don't love him as much as I thought I did, he's going to come see me when my chorus class goes to sing at the Inner Harbor on Wednesday. That way, I can see him and if I change my mind, it won't be too late. It shouldn't cause any problems with the school with him being there because after we sing, my teacher lets us walk around with our friends and get lunch for about an hour or so. Also, once my parents see that I never came home from school and read my letter that I'm going to leave for them, I'm sure that my Dad will call my boyfriend, furious. I don't want him to ignore the call, but I don't know if it would be a good idea for him to talk to my Dad because he might say something that will make it worse. I also don't want to talk to my parents because my whole life, I've been a "good girl" and always been good and done what I was told (except for chores sometimes) and if I talk to them, I'll feel like I have to go home. I want to stay with him until Sunday morning when I have to sing at my church. I figure that I can go to church with him (my parents will be there) and then we can talk to them after church. But I kind of want someone to be there with us.... someone who wouldn't just take my parents' side. I would say my pastor, but, being a parent, he'd probably side with them. Also, since I don't know what will happen when I get back, I want to spend as much time and do as much stuff with him as possible (like meeting his family because they said that they want to meet me and I want to meet them). As scary as leaving, disappointing and hurting my parents, and getting a phone call from my Dad will be, I think that coming back will be the scariest part. I just hope that they're happy that I'm back and try to change things so that I won't feel like I have to leave again. My Mom has seen a glimpse of how much being away from him hurts me, but I've been hiding my pain from my Dad because he'd just get mad at me.

[ccsmod3]

Re: I have to run away with my boyfriend

Hello again,

It sounds like you have come up with some options and maybe started to form a plan for your situation. We can tell you are still concerned about how this decision and your needs could affect your family emotionally and you do not want to hurt anyone, including yourself through this difficult process. Also, your idea to have someone come and serve as a mediator between you and your boyfriend and your family is a good idea and maybe something you can look into if you feel your pastor is not the best option. It can be scary not knowing what will happen, especially how your family might react when you return home, if your final decision is to leave. You can utilize our 24 hour hotline to practice what you might say and different scenarios. We can tell you want to be happy and keep your family happy as well, which is not an easy thing to do and you are trying your best to do what is right and good for everyone. We hope this helps and you can always reach us on our 24 hour hotline at 1-800-786-2929.

-NRS

[Unregistered]

Re: I have to run away with my boyfriend

Thank you for the support. It's really nice to have someone else to talk to besides my best friend. I have been thinking about this for a while and tried to leave twice in the past couple weeks but the first time, my boyfriend had car problems and the second time he had to go on a business. I'm usually pretty good at planning since I over think everything so much, but putting those plans into action is the difficult part. I wouldn't be able to call until after I left (if I did call) because my Dad monitors my phone records, but after I leave, I'm sure that my boyfriend will let me use his phone if I need the extra support. Having him there will definitely help me get through everything and I hope that after this is all over we'll be able to be together and have a normal, strong relationship despite our age difference. Also, I read about the conference call thing with parents. How does that work? Would I actually have to talk to them or would you relay my message to them? Also, do you think that that would be a better option than having my boyfriend talk to my parents? They already don't like him and I know that he needs to talk to them and not seem like a coward to them, but I don't know if it would be a good idea when they're so upset.

[ccsmod3]

Re: I have to run away with my boyfriend

Hello again,

We're glad we could offer you some support. We do offer both conference calling and a message service and we'd be happy to further discuss those two options should you decide to give us a call. Since our bulletin boards weren't really intended for long-term discussions, we do ask that you please call us from this point forward. We are toll-free so you can call us from any available pay phone for free 24/7. Best of luck and stay safe!

-NRS

[rajshri]

what should i do

I m having an affair from laast 10 years n now we both are of 24 and 26 and my parents are statted looking a guy for mr but i want get married to him n i know that if i will tell abt my affair to my parents they will not allow me an try to see any guy and ask me to get married to him if i say no den they wll try to blackmail mi emotionally
I know that i cant live without him n he to cant n i hav jus decide that if he is not going to be in my lige m jud going to commit sucide
Plz help me out. Wat should i do plz plz i want him n m jus affraid to runaway bcoz i dont want to hurt my family

[ccsmod6]

re: what should i do

Hi:

Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear about the way things are going for you. It sounds like you really want to be with your boyfriend. You mentioned that you are 24 and he is 26. In majority of the States, 18 is the age of majority and 21 in a few. If you are 24 years of age, you can leave home without having to run away. You can also contact your local law enforcement agency and they too can verify the age that you can legally leave home.

We would like to wish you and your boyfriend the best. You can also contact the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you are having suicidal thoughts; they’re available 24/7. And if you would like to speak with us in more depth about things, we too are available 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

Best of Luck
~NRS

[Unregistered]

run away with my bf

I have run away with my bf coz I realy lov him, my parents haven’t met him, they don't want me two date no one is good enough so I took off, they went out 4 the day and I got my chance, I tried 2 fix things say I'm sorry etc, but my dad don't bite his so mean and hardless. I'm verry happy with my bf but I also want be in touch with my parents its normal right?

[ccsmod4]

run away with my BF

Hi,
Thanks for your post.

It sounds like you are having a very tough time with your parents excepting you having a boyfriend.
We understand that this must have been and continues to be a struggle for you.

How are you doing?

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be connected with your parents and it was courageous of you to try to apologize to your dad. You must be feeling confused about everything that is going on but it’s really good that you are reaching out in an effort to try and figure things out. Good for you.
NRS has services for conference calling to parents for our callers who have runaway but would like to try and have some communication with their parents.

We also have a message service where a caller who is a runaway can leave a message with NRS to be delivered by phone to their parents.
This service allows parents to hear the message and leave a reply for their son or daughter.
Does that sound like something you might want to try?

You can call 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) anytime day or night to speak with one of our crisis liners about these services or to just talk about your situation and look at some options.
We hope you can begin to feel better about your situation and appreciate you reaching out to NRS.
Take Care

[Unregistered]

Should I stay or I go???

I'm having a really difficult time deciding on whether I should leave and be with my boyfriend who lives like 3 hours away from me. I really care and love him and he feels the same way but the issues with my parents are becoming a burden for us. I'm 19 and whenever he comes to my hometown to spend time with his sister who lives on my street, i try and go over there to spend as much time as I could with him before he drives back home. The issues are that I feel that since I'm still living with my parents, I don't have really any freedom to go out and be a normal person and live my life like a normal individual my age. What's really gotten me annoyed is that my dad will not have any problem coming over to my boyfrien's sister house and pick me to take me home like if I was at daycare. They really do treat me like a little kid which embarrass me. They don't approve of my relationship and that makes me upset becuz I know my boyfriend is a good person with a good heart but sadly my parents don't see It that way. I recently passed the American Red Cross test to be a CNA so I can start working as a CNA. Im glad and am looking for a job so I'm can be independent and show my parents that I'm growing up, most importantly i've been applying in and around where my boyfriend lives so in anycase I'll move with him and start working. I'll still be going to school while working but if my mom and dad don't start seeing things in a different way then I might just will move away to get away and like i can breathe. I know that they will be mad and possibly stop speaking to me again, but it doesn't have to come to this extreme unless my parents can approve of him and our relationship and know that I need more freedom to be a normal teenager as well as not having my dad pick me up like an untrustworthy child.

[ccsmod4]

Should I stay or go?

Hello,
Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline.
It sounds like you have reached a level of frustration with your parents in regards to your relationship with your boyfriend.
We understand your feelings of wanting to be seen as a responsible adult and not a child.
It sounds like you have a plan put in place for your future and hopefully you and your parents can come to an understanding about your relationship with your boyfriend.

Good for you in passing the exam for the Red Cross.
This is quite an achievement to be proud of.

Making a major decision to move can be quite a difficult one; you are being wise to think it through.
It sounds like you would like to keep open communication with your parents in whatever choice you should make.
That's good and hopefully they will also.

If you would like to talk with one of our crisis liners about more options that might assist you with your situation please call our 24hr crisis line at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or drop in on our NRS live chat service 4:30pm to 11:30pm 7 days a week at www.1800Runaway.org
We thank you again for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline.
Take care