My boyfriend might be reported as a runaway...

[Unregistered]

I'm 16, my boyfriend is 16 turning 17 on April 28th. He was supposed to graduate a year early in May, and once he graduated, he was enlisting in the Army. We live in Arizona. Our parents don't know we are dating because my parents do not approve of him.

Yesterday, after his brother dropped him off at school, he got in another car with someone else and took off, ditching school. Since he had a "bad record" with the school, they expelled him. His mom texted him and told him that he had been expelled. He replied to her text, and then didn't respond to anyone else for the rest of the day. His mom then went on his Facebook and told him that today at 10 am he would be reported as a runaway (and since it is past 10 I'm ASSUMING he has now been reported). She said that if the police picked him up, neither her nor his father would pick him up or let him stay at their respective houses. She told him that he had been kicked out of his brothers house, and that he had to text his brother before he goes there to pick up his stuff, otherwise they could call the cops on him. She also said that she thinks it would be better for everyone if he just got married and emancipated.

Naturally, after reading this I freaked out, and texted him. He actually replied to me (twice), which made me feel better because his mom said he hadn't been replying to anybody. I asked him if he had a place to stay for the night and he said no. That was the last text I received from him.

I'm extremely worried about him and right now I'm just completely devastated. I don't know where he is. I don't know if he found a place to stay/sleep. I don't know if he has or can get anything to eat. I don't know if he has a place to take a shower or any clean clothes to wear. I don't know if he has a place to charge his phone (he has to charge his phone so he can text his brother to get his stuff, BUT his charger is at his brothers house along with the rest of his stuff).

I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know what his plan is. I don't know if he's okay. All these things are on my mind, and I don't know anything.

This whole situation made me realize that I wanna be with him. I really really wanna be with him. I'm willing to go through so much to make this work. I know that what's happening right now is unimaginably difficult, but I want to get through this with him. I'm ready to push through this. I'm ready to overcome this. I think that if we can last through all this, then when it's over we will be so much closer.

His mom wants nothing to do with him anymore. I don't know where he's going to stay or how he is going to get food. I just don't know what to do about all this...

[Unregistered]

Re: My Boyfriend Might Be Reported As A Runaway

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to us for ideas on how to help your boyfriend. It seems you both may be able to benefit from some emotional support. Please know that he and you are also welcomed to contact us directly over the phone if you are ever in need to a listening ear. It sounds like you care a great deal for your boyfriend. It was great to read what you wrote. We know it comes from the heart and that you want to do much so to make a difference in his life.

A few things stood out in your post that relates to the relationship you have with his mother and may be as a good tool to use to help keep communication open between the two of them but also the fact that your parents do not know much and may end up limiting how much you can do for him directly through his mother. Whatever the reason may be for why your parents do not approve of him, it sounds like he is very lucky to have you as a support system.

We are not in the position to tell you or your boyfriend what to do but one option he has is to contact social services or the police to find out about his rights. The police may look at this as a domestic issue and feel there isn't much they can do to change things but your boyfriend has the right to file what is considered a lock out report if he is not allowed to return home. It is considered neglect if he is force to live away from home and ends up becoming a throwaway.

As a minor he does have the right to feel protected and safe in his own home. We understand family dynamics can be difficult and living with his brother may be limited now but if his mother is his guardian she is expected to provide him a safe and stable home. If she is willing to go a step further and provide him with options then it may seem a benefit and of her interest to help her son by locating other resources such as independent living or transitional living programs.

These programs can help with a place to stay, counseling and life skills. However, he may need permission from his guardian to do it. Emancipation is another option but he will have to prove to a judge that it is in his best interest to live on his own without protest from his mother and is able to provide for his own social and financial affairs. It sounds like his mother had proposed marriage and/or other means for him to become free.

Do you think he is ready for such things? It must scare you even more that this was even considered as an option. He does have a choice to choose what is in his best interest but it may not hurt to have others on board if this is something he wanted for himself. We are not legal experts but it is not considered a crime to run away. It is a status offense for a minor. If he is found he is sent or brought home. Laws for runaways tend to vary based on states and comes down to police discretion.

It sounds like you are looking ahead since you are aware of what mom may have done to take action against your boyfriend. Your concern is valid as it is something we also worry about. His safety is also our number one priority. Do you have access to his Facebook page also? One thing you can do if you are able is sending him our number through his inbox. It may help and also ease your fear if he and you understood our role better. He can reach us 24 hours a day for support and services.

We will contact local resources with him on the phone and do a conference call to get him a shelter or find resources he can drop in at for food. We imagine this is frustrating for the two of you. We are advocates and only care about his well being. We also have services to call home to do conference call for the purposes of family reunification. We can help him to articulate his feelings and goals to his mother over the phone and to get at a compromise for what he or she may propose to each other.

We want to help but only if he knows about us. We can be reached 24 hours a day from any phone free of charge. All of our liners here are trained the same way to assist him or you with resources. We hope this helps to alleviate some of your fears and set you on the proper course to help your boyfriend as soon as possible. We imagine there are lots more to concern yourself with in your own life and you two have a lot of obstacles ahead but please know that we are here to do our part if you feel like reaching out again. We look forward to hearing from any of you soon. Good luck and stay strong.

-NRS

[Unregistered]

He's been on his own for 6 days and 5 nights. He's been sleeping wherever he can. He slept in a tree house for 2 nights (in the cold and wind), stayed at 2 different peoples houses the next to nights, and I haven't talked to him today so I have no idea where he slept last night. His phone is going to shut off sometime soon because he doesn't have money to put minutes on it, and I think its dead as of right now, so I have no way to talk to him. I saw him yesterday, and he was so sad and depressed looking. It completely destroyed me to see him like that.

I've asked around to all our mutual friends to see if he could sleep at their place for a night or two. Everyone I've asked has said no, even the people who I thought would defiantly say yes.

I don't know how much longer this is going go on, and I don't know how much longer he can take it.

[Unregistered]

Re: My Boyfriend Might Be Reported As A Runaway

Hello,

We thank you for getting back in touch with us to explore more options for your boyfriend. We appreciate you still taking the time to show great concern and care for what he may need to remain safe. It sounds like he is still having a tough time. However, we understand that how you may be feeling seeing him like this.

It seems you wish for him to get somewhere he is able to remain stable. We are still available to recieve his call here 24 hours a day for direct support and resources. As stated before, we can call with him to do a conference call with local services such as shelters or transitional living programs. These programs can your boyfriend with a place to stay and perhaps counseling if he needs it.

We imagine the obstacle you are running to with a place for him to stay might stem from the fear that folks feel if they were to be found to be harboring him. It is certainly illegal to harbor a youth if he is listed as a runaway. It is not a crime to run away but it gives a youth a status offense.

He can also call us from any local payphone for free if he no longer has access to a phone. If you run into him soon, please pass our number on to him to call us at 1800RUNAWAY. We are here 24 hours a day. We are confidential and anonymous. We can explore options and locate ways for him to get to these services if he does not have transporation or money to get there. We are here for both of you. Good luck.

-NRS