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15 yr old runaway - what are my options?

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  • 15 yr old runaway - what are my options?

    My 15 year old left our house over a week ago.The problem is that he said he does not want to come home becuase he does not like the rules we set for him (his girlfriend lives in another city and we allow him to go over their after school 3 days a week. He wants to go everyday.I suspect he is thinking about imancipation. He does not want to talk to us or discuss the situation. I check with the school everyday and he is attending regularly. Do I wait until he contacts us or should I file a missing persons report? I know he is not in any harm or will do harm to anyone. I want him home so much but I don't want to force him and make things worse. Any help/advise would be greatly appreciated.

  • #2
    Re: 15 yr old runaway - what are my options?

    Hello,
    Thank you for contacting us and sharing the details of your situation. It sounds like it’s really difficult to have to deal with this because you probably just want him to be safe at home. It’s good to hear that you don’t want to force him back home. Many times, parents don’t want to ‘give in’ and let the child have what they need. Seems like you have recognized that he is safe, attending school and not harming others or himself. Most parents don’t have the advantage of knowing the whereabouts of their child so hopefully you can use that to try and gain some trust.

    Have you talked to him since he’s been gone? If so, what kind of information have you gotten from him? If not, what do you think is important to hear from him/tell him? You said that he’s safe-do you know that family? Have you talked to them? How can they help?

    At this point you can still file a police (runaway) report so you don’t get charged with any neglect reports but parents don’t have to file these reports. Is there a chance that you could compromise with him? Not sure what that compromise would look like but since you said that he is safe and still attending classes, is it possible for him to stay where he is? He might react (positively/negatively) if you inform him that you have no other choice but to file a report that might affect the people he is staying with.

    You seem to be in a tough spot but you are thinking about things the right way. If you would like to explore this more and are willing and able to call us, we are available 24hrs a day at 1800-RUNAWAY. We’ll be here if you need us.
    -NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      15 yr old daughter

      my 15 yr old daughter went to visit her boyfriend in calgary on friday sept. 27/13, his mother promised to bring her back mon. sept. 30/13. She didn't, have gone to police but was told nothing I can do. She's NOT attending school, have tried phoning his mother but no answer. What r my options?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: 15 yr old runaway - what are my options?

        Thank you so much for reaching out with your concerns and questions. It sounds like you are dealing with a tough situation right now and we are glad you contacted us. You mentioned that your daughter recently went to go visit her boyfriend and boyfriend’s mom was supposed to return her on the 30th and has yet to do so. It sounds like you haven’t been able to contact the mom either. You also mentioned you tried to contact the police but they were not being very helpful.

        While this trip may have initially been okay with you it obviously is not okay that she is not returning home and not going to school. Police should take a runaway/missing persons report in regards to this. You would want to make that report with your local police department. You could also possibly talk with the police in Calgary and see if they could do a safety check at the home as well if you are concerned for her safety and the mom is not returning your calls. While we don’t specifically take reports here another agency that may be helpful to contact that works with runaway/missing youth as well is the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at 1-800-843-5678. It may also be helpful to contact her school and talk with them about some possible options as well.

        Keep in mind that we are also available 24 hours a day at our crisis hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). If you would like to discuss this situation more in depth you can always reach out through our hotline. There is always someone available to provide support, discuss options, and find helpful resources in your area. Please contact us anytime. There is always someone here to listen. Take care.
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          A mother in need

          Hello, I am a single mother of two children and my oldest daughter is 14. I have had a lot of issues with her every since I adopted her. I adopted her when she was two years old. Well recently I got a call from school saying that she has gotten in a fight with another girl in her school. This is the third time this year she has gotten in trouble first it was skipping school then she got in a fist fight with one of the teachers and now in a fight with a peer at school. Well I also found out that a lot of people in her school have been teasing and picking on her because she has gained well over 20 pounds in the last year and they pick on her for being (ugly) and lots more stuff. She won't talk to me about it. Every time I bring it up she walks away. Then the other day I found out she is now cutting and its not just a cut here and there it's all over her wrists and on her chest too. This is not the first time she has cut. I found out her 5th grade year she was cutting her wrists when My exhisband and I where getting a divorce then her best friend died and then her grandma passed on on her birthday. And then I decided to trust her again cause she said she would never cut again. And now she is. It's not just little cuts they are deep and are definitely going to leave scars. She is also mad at me cause I won't let her have a phone or wear make-up. I don't know what to do she is out of control. She was a sweet little girl and now she is a terror. Is she cutting for attention or is there something wrong with her. She does hide the cuts well but I don't know. What should I do? Please someone help and give advice please and thank you!!!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: 15 yr old runaway - what are my options

            We are glad you reached out with your questions and concerns about your daughter. It sounds like you are really worried about her recent behavior and unsure of how to help. You mentioned that she has been having issues in school with truancy and fighting both students and teachers. You also have noticed that she has started cutting again. It sounds like when she had cut in the past there was a lot of traumatic events happening and perhaps now that is starting again because of the issues with bullying at school. A lot of times people cut as a coping mechanism and this could be the way she is dealing with her issues at home and school. It sounds like you have tried to talk with her but she just shuts down. Do you know if she has ever confided in any one else or have you ever had her in counseling? There are a few resources that work with youth who are dealing with cutting issues that may be helpful to reach out to.

            1-800-DONTCUT 366-8288 – information on counseling and residential program for self injury

            www.twloha.org – support help for people struggling with depression and self injury (may be a good resource and support for your daughter)

            It’s understandable that this is a stressful situation for you and you are unsure of what to do. Keep in mind that here at the National Runaway Safeline there is always someone available to discuss options and find helpful resources for you and your family. If you would like to talk with someone more in depth about this situation you can always call us at our 24 hour hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). All of our services are completely confidential and we are here for both youth and family. If you do not feel comfortable reaching out over the phone we also have an online chat that is available daily from 4:30p to 11:30p CST. There is always someone here to listen and here to help. Take care and we look forward to hearing from you.
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment


            • #7
              A mother in need

              She has a therapist but she doesn't ever try to talk to her my daughter really keeps to herself most of the time. I have talked to some of her friends but they said she doesn't ever really talk about anything. I know it sounds wrong but I just went through her room and found her diary. I have been reading it for half an hour and there is a lot of issues it seems she is having. She talked about the cutting, people at school and I also found out she has tried to commite suicide three times now. It hurt my heart when I read that part. And a lot more she seems to be blaming herself for the divorce and the death of her grandmother and her friend. I know that going through my daughters stuff is really bad. But I'm just trying to help her. I hope she understands. She is going to her friends house after school today. Should I call her doctor and talk to him about what issues she is having or what? Should I sent her to a mental institution or just deal with it myself? Sorry for all the questions and thanks so much for your help!!

              Comment


              • #8
                Thank you for reaching back out to us and telling us more about what’s going on. It sounds like you are very worried about your daughter’s safety and well being; it’s great that she has someone who is so supportive of her.

                You mentioned that your daughter has a therapist but she doesn’t really talk to her. Have you been able to meet with the therapist yourself? One thing that you might be able to do is devise a safety plan with her or have a family session so you can express your concerns to your daughter in a safe place. Your daughter may not be comfortable with her therapist; sometimes it can take a while to find someone to talk to on a personal level and it’s not uncommon to see several different therapists before finding one that she can connect with.

                We are sorry to hear that your daughter is going through so much right now and has tried to commit suicide on 3 different occasions. It sounds like she is blaming herself for a lot of what’s going on in her world right now. Has she ever talked with you about these things? One way that some people communicate with people is by writing a letter and saying all the things they want to say in that; what do you think would happen if you wrote your daughter a letter? It may give you the opportunity to express your concerns and fears while giving her the chance to process it on her own level.

                Unfortunately, here at the National Runaway Safeline, we are non directive so we can’t tell you what you should do. It sounds like you have a couple different options and they are all great options. If you were to call and talk with her doctor, do you think they would be able to help you out? In most states there is a program that would allow for you to have your daughter evaluated by a hospital if you fear that she is harm to herself or others. In order to do that, you may need to call the police and tell them about your concerns. Do you think that’s something you would be comfortable doing?

                Again, we are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) if you would like to call and talk with someone further. We also have online chat services that are also available 7 days a week from 4:30 PM-11:30 PM (CST) if you would rather talk with us that way.

                We look forward to hearing from you and wish you the best of luck!

                ~NRS
                Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                National Runaway Safeline
                [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                Tell us what you think about your experience!
                https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                Comment


                • #9
                  A mother in need

                  Yes, I message her therapist at least twice a week. But I have never considered having family sessions. I will talk to my daughter and see if we need to find a therapist. She has never talked to me really about anything after all the stuff she's been going through she kind of blocked everyone away from her. She locked herself in her room all day. Really the only time she comes out is when she is hungry, school, or to see her friends. Every once and a while I try to get things out of her but she doesn't even try to cooperate with me. I have never thought about the letter thing.. I think that would be a great idea though. To be honest I don't feel comfortable with sending her away. So I am going to call her doctor and see if we can set her an appointment with her doctor. I will leave the room so my daughter can talk to him in private and if she wants me to come in I will. I appreciate everything thaks so much!!!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thank you for keeping in touch with us and continuing to give us more information regarding your daughter. Again, it sounds like you are very concerned about her safety and it’s great that you are trying everything you can to make sure she remains safe. Hopefully all of the avenues that you are exploring will be able to give you some support and assistance but if they don’t or if you ever need to just talk with someone, you can always reach out to us here. Our 24 hour, toll free hotline is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) so you can reach someone here at anytime. We also have online chat services that are available from 4:30 PM-11:30 PM (CST), 7 days a week if you or your daughter would rather talk with us that way.

                    We look forward to hearing from you and wish you the best of luck!

                    ~NRS
                    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                    National Runaway Safeline
                    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                    Tell us what you think about your experience!
                    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                    Comment

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