My 15 year old daughter keeps running away

[Guest]

I have no idea what to do or where to start. My child has issues and i have been trying to do what I can as a Parent. I have 2 other children who do not display the same issues or aggression that she does. She is manipulative and is very smart. She is able to read adults and she quickly knows who she can and can’t get over on. She walks all over me and I cannot handle her anymore. I found her naked in her bed with a boy. We ran the kid off and he keeps coming to pick her up or take her. I have called many police departments in my area as she runs away to the next county and they only take a runaway report from the place where you live. I have tried everything. I have removed her and myself from many homes because she acts out and I have to start over. Here I am again starting over and she keeps trying to leave with this kid that I know is problematic. She is but a case number when I call the police so I go out looking for her and don’t rest until I find her safe but I as a parent of 2 other teens and I care for my elderly mother cannot anymore. I have left the only person who has ever tried to help me be her parent but she is very Rebellious. Police keep telling me this is a parenting issue and I cry out telling them she is a habitual runaway and how can I keep her safe from herself. Where we live is like the capitol for human trafficking, drugs, and everything in between. She thinks she can take care of herself. She thinks she can live on her own with no job, no education and no skills. I keep trying to get someone to help and no one will. I have called children services on myself to report the situation and I get the same response. This is a parenting issue. I cannot keep fighting for her and she is just persistent that she wants to leave. I feel I failed and I cannot save her but how do you quit? How do you stop trying, stop looking, stop trying to help her. It’s killing me and I find myself not being able to live or function as a normal working parent which means it affects how I can provide. I need help and fast. I’m trying and no one is responding to all of this. The mental hospital will not take her if she has no insurance but the one time they took her in, she got beat up and I picked her up against medical advice so I took her back and then they pumped her full of drugs. Really I don’t know where to go from here. I need help saving her from herself.

[ccsmod3]

We are glad you reached out to us and we understand your desperation and anguish. From what you have shared, it sounds like you have tried all your options for help and intervention to get your daughter on a safer and more stable path. We understand your dilemma trying to know when to quit and how easy it is to feel like a failure in this kind of situation. It seems like the most important immediate need is for you to have a stable home for you and your two other children. It sounds like that is not possible with your 15 year old daughter in the house with the current dynamic. So that brings out 2 options: get her out of the house or change the dynamic. It seems like you have tried all the usual ways to change this harmful dynamic but there are still a couple more options you might consider for changing her behavior. You can initiate a Child In Need (ChIN) program. This coordinates all the efforts to help your daughter between the police, hospital, school and appropriate agencies. The other option is a judicial intervention for a chronic runaway where she would face legal punishment for non compliance. Both of these approaches vary by state on how to start them, how they function in execution and in the repercussions for your daughter if she does not comply. We can go over all the details on these programs and help you determine if either might be a solution for you. The other option is getting your daughter out of the house and in another safe living situation. That could be done through emancipation, transitional living or independent living. Emancipation would make your daughter legally responsible for herself and remove your parental obligations. Local youth shelters or social service agencies usually run transitional or independent living programs. All of these options are designed to give your daughter responsibility for herself with varying levels of support from you or a social service agency. Access to these options and the requirements to use them vary by state. We would like to help you explore these possible next steps and hear more about your specific situation. Our goal is for you to have all the information and support you need to make the best decision on what would be the next step for you to take with your daughter. Please contact us for a chat through our website or on a call on our crisis hotline at 1(800)RUNAWAY. Both are available 24/7. We hope to hear from you soon. NRS

[Guest]

I love my parents so much. I’m not abused at all. My situation isn’t really that bad compared to people here. My parents are trying to do what’s best for me all the time. But this time what’s best for me , isn’t best for me in my opinion. My parents are trying to send me to a residential school which is different from my public school. My public school and my parents are doing this to me because I got suspended 4 times in 2 months. I was good for the rest of the school year and before I got suspended. I was just going through a tough time and my school didn’t understand. I miss my friends and going out after school. I’m unable to do that at the residential school. It’s not the worst. It’s not strict , I just don’t like being there cause there’s only 1 person I talk to there. It’s a really small school. It’s not bad, I’m not being like hurt there. I just want to escape home so I don’t have to do back. (I’ve been there for 3 weeks and I go home on the weekends) see it’s not bad at all but I just don’t want to be there. I’m being told I have to stay there for atleast half the school year to get back to my district. That’s too long.

[ccsmod11]

(If you are in danger for any reason, please call the police or go to your local emergency room.)

Hi there,
Thank you for sharing a little piece of your story with us. School is hard enough as it is, and having to change schools when you don't want to can be especially frustrating. It sounds like you're missing your old friends, which makes so much sense. We're here to listen and to help as much as we can.

We also understand that it can be really, really tough to suddenly not be able to see your friends all the time. Are you able to text or call them to stay in touch or organize times outside of school to hang out? Could they help talk to your old school or even your parents to convince them that your old school is better for your mental health?

If you do have to stay at the new school, you might consider trying to form positive relationships with teachers and friends who you trust. This can help you to feel supported and positive at your new school as much as you can, even though it isn't ideal. Your school counselor may also be able to help you talk through your feelings and recommend the best things to do for your situation.

We would be grateful to hear more about your story and give you more personalized guidance. The NRS is available 24/7 via online chat or by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We hope to hear from you soon, best of luck!
-NRS Crisis Team