I made stupid mistakes and now my parents are controlling

[Guest]

I sent nudes and looked at porn and my parents caught me. I'm a girl btw. I also had some disturbing interests and suicidal thoughts and they only found out cos my mom found a nude pic on my computer that I forgot to delete. Then she made me tell about all the websites that were "troubling" and banned them all. I just wanna explore my sexuality and she said to me "well if you can't talk to me about it, you can't handle what you're looking at". Literally everyone would be embarrassed about their porn history no matter how vanilla their tastes are. They've set up severe restrictions and will check my room, computer, and phone for anything "disturbing". I am lonely at school and frustrated. I want to buy a phone on Craigslist but I don't have the money. Also I wanna get away even though I normally have a great relationship with my dad (my mom doesn't understand me as well and thinks I'm a creepy weirdo). I want to experience the freedom other teenagers have.

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time. It does seem like your mother is concerned about you. And it is okay to be embarrassed but you have nothing to be ashamed about.
We want you to know that your life is worth living and that you are valuable. If you are ever having suicidal thoughts there is always someone worth listening and providing support. You can always contact The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at: 1800-273-8255. Another option you could consider if you do not feel comfortable talking with your mother is to reach out to your school counselor about what is going on. Sometimes they can provide resources and provide support.
You mentioned wanting to buy a phone on craigslist because you are lonely at school. One option could be to see if you can plan activities with your friends. Sometimes hanging out with friends out of school may make you feel less lonely. Also an option could be to start saving up money for you to buy a phone. You mentioned wanting to get away, we are not legal experts but we do have general information on the laws. If you were to leave home without permission if you are a minor your legal guardian does have the right to file a runaway report. If the police did find you they most likely would bring you back home. If you need a safe place to go you can always call us and we can help you find safe places in your area.
We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore more options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide support. We wish you the best of luck!
NRS