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I don't know anymore.

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  • I don't know anymore.

    When I was younger I used to hate myself, like at 6. When my mom yelled at me I thought she was right, she would often slap me and throw objects at me. One of my worst memories is when I was younger. The teacher told me to give a letter to my mom, I forgot and was home for about 2 hours. The teacher called my mom and see got really freaking pissed. She slapped me till her hand got red, she switched hands afterwards. She didn't let me move or lift my hands whatsoever. I had to stand there for so long.

    Another memory is of my father, he had really odd punishments. He would make me stand in a corner, on my tiptoes for at least 30 minutes. He didn't let me relax or let my foot down.

    But my mother and father both had a punishments that they perfered. The would make me go in my bedroom closet. I'd stay there for so long.

    Yet, my mother says she loves me. My father says so too. Now that I am older they can't really punish me that much anymore. Now it's more of screaming and threatening. My mother loves to throw everything around her at me when she's mad.

    I am very emotional because of this and flinch easily. My mother has had moments where she calls me useless and worthless, ungrateful and selfish. When I'm so much the opposite. I do most the work around the house!

    I have grown depressed since a young age and sometimes I don't see a reason to live. My family from my mothers side is the same too. My favorite cousin who's an adult, has told me that her mother was the same. She moved out and now seems happier.

    I wish to move out when I turn of age, the problem is that I want to go to college and have a great career. It will be near impossible to go to college if I'm renting my own place and working.

    Sometimes I feel like I won't make it, I want to run away sometimes but I know it won't help, I'm too young to find a well job and I doubt I'll find a place for minors.

    I'm scared that someday I will kill myself from all this stress. I wanna be happy you know? But I also know that fighting will one day pay off.

  • #2
    We want to thank you for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that life can be difficult and often times hard. We want you to know that we are here to listen and help. You do not deserve to be put down and constantly told you are worthless. You matter. You deserve to be loved and treated right no matter what.
    From what we can gather about your situation there is signs of physical and verbal abuse from your parents. From what it sounds like this has been going on for a long time and has affected you in deep ways. We are truly sorry that this has happened to you. You should be affirmed and also be treated in that manner. As far as some options that you may have are that if you are considering suicide please do not hesitate to reach out to us here at NRS (1-800-786-2929) or to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255). We want you to know that you are valued and there are people that want to help you through some difficult moments. As far as your parents you do have the right to call the authorities (i.e. Police) and let them know what has been happening. You can also contact the National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-422-4453). You deserve to feel safe and if that is not the case then you have the right to let someone know. Another person you might want to talk with is a school counselor or teacher. They would be able to help talk through what is going on. Again know that your safety is your right and you should not have to endure more abuse. Another option you can take is calling us about finding transitional housing. This would allow you to find a place where you can feel safe and help you get on your feet.
    Again we want to thank you for reaching out to us. We know that it takes great courage to reach out and seek help. We hope that you know that we are truly here to help and listen. Above all if you do happen to have more questions or have concerns please feel free to contact us at our number (1-800-786-2929) or our chat option online (www.1800runaway.org) We hope that you can find a solution to your current situation.
    Best Wishes- NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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