Tweet
When I was younger I used to hate myself, like at 6. When my mom yelled at me I thought she was right, she would often slap me and throw objects at me. One of my worst memories is when I was younger. The teacher told me to give a letter to my mom, I forgot and was home for about 2 hours. The teacher called my mom and see got really freaking pissed. She slapped me till her hand got red, she switched hands afterwards. She didn't let me move or lift my hands whatsoever. I had to stand there for so long.
Another memory is of my father, he had really odd punishments. He would make me stand in a corner, on my tiptoes for at least 30 minutes. He didn't let me relax or let my foot down.
But my mother and father both had a punishments that they perfered. The would make me go in my bedroom closet. I'd stay there for so long.
Yet, my mother says she loves me. My father says so too. Now that I am older they can't really punish me that much anymore. Now it's more of screaming and threatening. My mother loves to throw everything around her at me when she's mad.
I am very emotional because of this and flinch easily. My mother has had moments where she calls me useless and worthless, ungrateful and selfish. When I'm so much the opposite. I do most the work around the house!
I have grown depressed since a young age and sometimes I don't see a reason to live. My family from my mothers side is the same too. My favorite cousin who's an adult, has told me that her mother was the same. She moved out and now seems happier.
I wish to move out when I turn of age, the problem is that I want to go to college and have a great career. It will be near impossible to go to college if I'm renting my own place and working.
Sometimes I feel like I won't make it, I want to run away sometimes but I know it won't help, I'm too young to find a well job and I doubt I'll find a place for minors.
I'm scared that someday I will kill myself from all this stress. I wanna be happy you know? But I also know that fighting will one day pay off.
Another memory is of my father, he had really odd punishments. He would make me stand in a corner, on my tiptoes for at least 30 minutes. He didn't let me relax or let my foot down.
But my mother and father both had a punishments that they perfered. The would make me go in my bedroom closet. I'd stay there for so long.
Yet, my mother says she loves me. My father says so too. Now that I am older they can't really punish me that much anymore. Now it's more of screaming and threatening. My mother loves to throw everything around her at me when she's mad.
I am very emotional because of this and flinch easily. My mother has had moments where she calls me useless and worthless, ungrateful and selfish. When I'm so much the opposite. I do most the work around the house!
I have grown depressed since a young age and sometimes I don't see a reason to live. My family from my mothers side is the same too. My favorite cousin who's an adult, has told me that her mother was the same. She moved out and now seems happier.
I wish to move out when I turn of age, the problem is that I want to go to college and have a great career. It will be near impossible to go to college if I'm renting my own place and working.
Sometimes I feel like I won't make it, I want to run away sometimes but I know it won't help, I'm too young to find a well job and I doubt I'll find a place for minors.
I'm scared that someday I will kill myself from all this stress. I wanna be happy you know? But I also know that fighting will one day pay off.
Comment