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I live in Iowa and I have questions about moving out of the house at the age of 17.
The reasons for me wanting to leave are complicated. My folk's style of parenting always tended to be invasive, stifling, and uncompromising. They have a tight grip on everything that goes on in my life and don't want to let go. I know they are trying to help and protect me, but instead I feel caged and held back. And they go too far, I believe it is innapropriate to GPS track the cell phone I use like I'm a problematic brat. I'm in sports year round, happily employed in town and for my father, and maintain a 3.5 GPA while on track to graduate with an honors diploma from high school. I think having my life together like that should earn some respect and freedom when I get some time free. But I'm not allowed to even sleep overnight with friends or have over $300 in my checking without the threat of my money being taken from me.
But it gets more difficult. Last September, my twin brother took his own life. It caught us completely by surprise and it hit us hard. It's been getting better, but there are things that are still sitting in my head and I dont feel comfortable bringing it up to my parents or a counselor. I won't go into all the details about his suicide, but I will say my brother had his issues and definitely wasn't on the right path. He and my folks had their share of fights, and they got very nasty at times. I was never told the whole story and I was ok with that, I didn't need to know his business, but I did listen to every argument and what I heard should never be spoken between parents and child. Lots of hateful words back and forth between them. So fast forward to now, and with all we went through with my brother's death, I feel a measure of bitterness towards them. I still love them and care about them, that has not changed at all. But I can't help but feel so bitter and resentful towards them. I think much of it comes from a feel I get from them that they never see anything wrong with what they do. Like they never admit wrongs and I never remember them simply saying sorry to me or my siblings. Ever.
I apologize for the wall of text. I just worry that I'm being unfair by feeling the way I do. If you've got any advice or tips for me, I would sure appreciate them.
The reasons for me wanting to leave are complicated. My folk's style of parenting always tended to be invasive, stifling, and uncompromising. They have a tight grip on everything that goes on in my life and don't want to let go. I know they are trying to help and protect me, but instead I feel caged and held back. And they go too far, I believe it is innapropriate to GPS track the cell phone I use like I'm a problematic brat. I'm in sports year round, happily employed in town and for my father, and maintain a 3.5 GPA while on track to graduate with an honors diploma from high school. I think having my life together like that should earn some respect and freedom when I get some time free. But I'm not allowed to even sleep overnight with friends or have over $300 in my checking without the threat of my money being taken from me.
But it gets more difficult. Last September, my twin brother took his own life. It caught us completely by surprise and it hit us hard. It's been getting better, but there are things that are still sitting in my head and I dont feel comfortable bringing it up to my parents or a counselor. I won't go into all the details about his suicide, but I will say my brother had his issues and definitely wasn't on the right path. He and my folks had their share of fights, and they got very nasty at times. I was never told the whole story and I was ok with that, I didn't need to know his business, but I did listen to every argument and what I heard should never be spoken between parents and child. Lots of hateful words back and forth between them. So fast forward to now, and with all we went through with my brother's death, I feel a measure of bitterness towards them. I still love them and care about them, that has not changed at all. But I can't help but feel so bitter and resentful towards them. I think much of it comes from a feel I get from them that they never see anything wrong with what they do. Like they never admit wrongs and I never remember them simply saying sorry to me or my siblings. Ever.
I apologize for the wall of text. I just worry that I'm being unfair by feeling the way I do. If you've got any advice or tips for me, I would sure appreciate them.
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