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Are my parents being unfair and controlling or is it my wrong-doing?

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  • Are my parents being unfair and controlling or is it my wrong-doing?

    Hello! I have opened this up because for the past couple of years I have felt controlled by my parents and felt that I have a lack of freedom in my everyday life. I am currently 14 years old.
    Some of my favorite things to do is to play on my computer with my friends and having a laugh and meeting up with my friends in general. The point is that I am restricted on weekdays to go out anywhere with any of my friends or go on playing games and chatting with them because apparently I need to do revision every night (which I guess I need to do) but not the whole night. I never have homework in late and my grades are fine. However my mum makes me go to bed at 9:30 on weekdays which I think is sort've reasonable but at the same time I need to go till ten sometimes to finish a piece of homework. But when it comes to the weekend I am only aloud to stay up till 9:30 even then and I get laughed at by all me friends and they all make fun at me when I have to go off at 9:30 because for them, at the weekends it is seen as a fun time and they are aloud to do as they wish and stay up later. It also doesen't help that I havent hit puberty so it makes it more convenient for them to poke fun at me and say things like. " does **** have to go to beddybyes now" etc. I know that was slightly off topic but I get depressed when I am told that every weekday when my friends are doing revision but still having some freetime, me and my sister are restricted to revision and homework. I know it is important to get school work and revision done but it makes me feel depressed and anxious knowing that while I am feeling sorry for myself, all my friends are having a great time together and when it comes to it at the weekend I am going to get bullied once again for my bedtime. So when it comes down to it all I am only aloud ANY free time on a friday and saturday.

    I also get threatened by my mother daily that she will smack me if I don't do something and if I ever argue with her about my bed time she just bans me from my computer for a day so I shut up because she knows how I tick.
    If I do ever argue I just get told that I am being rude and disrespectful and that I am not my friends and they are my parents so I must obey them.

    I get on better with my dad as well, whenever my mum isn't in the house my dad realises how controlling she is and lets my sister and I have some time to ourselves and we all get along better. Recently my mum went in for an operation and only came back yesterday. During the time she was away the whole family got along better and I didnt once do any of my usual anxious ticks such as picking my head or biting my nails because I didn't feel the anxiety I have while she is up my back.

    Please help.

  • #2

    Dear Anonymous,

    Thank you for reaching out on our online forum. It sounds like you are going through a lot with your parents and you wish you had more freedom. We are sorry to hear you feel so controlled and threatened by your parents. You deserve to feel safe and accepted at home. While we are not here to tell you what to do, we do care about your safety and we are here to provide support to the best of our ability. It is understandable you would want to be treated similarly to your friends and having them make fun of you for your earlier curfew sounds quite frustrating.

    We are non-directive here, so unfortunately we cannot give you our opinion. If you are seeking a different viewpoint, perhaps you could speak to a trusted adult such as another family member or teacher. You mention you have anxiety ticks, so another thing that might help is trying out a wellness tracker/app such as this one offered by the DBSA, This app is free and can help with overall mood as well as physical and emotional well-being. We also encourage you to reach out to us directly either by calling us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or trying out our Live Chat (instant messaging) when available. We hope this helps and wish you the very best of luck!
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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