Tweet
Last night before going to bed, I got up to check on my four kids...something I have done every night for the last 9 years. Upon entering the boys bedroom we saw that my 9 year olds bed was empty and the window that leads onto the porch was open. I can't even begin to tell you how angry I am and confused. I would have expected it from my 8 year old but not my 9 year old.
Things have been hard. In the last year, I kicked my husband out because of domestic violence, I then lost my job because my husband left the state instead of helping taking care of the kids so I could work. I lost my apartment because my landlord sold it to his daughter, I found out my father died 2 years ago and on top of that the same day I found out my aunt died the day before, we moved in with a friend and that didn't work out so we moved to the family shelter. June 29th we finally moved into our own apartment and then recently after a year of being gone my husband comes back to NH and has been playing head games with me to the point I've not let my kids go anywhere and I have the police on high alert.
My life has been nothing but downs sense my car accident in 2006. I had to give up my kids for a year until I could learn to walk again and sense then I've not been able to seek employment. I refuse to go on disability so money is tight.
I'm only one person and as much as I try I can't spend time with all of my kids all of the time. There is just no way. They always want me to do one-on-ones with them and I do love to do it but again there just isn't enough time in the day to spend the time that they want me to. I've been blessed that they want to be around me so much and I am so incredibly grateful but at the same time I am so worn out and exhausted.
Anyway, My son ran away last night and the funny thing is I had just been talking to the shelter care plus program people about putting bars on the windows because I felt they were too low to the ground and I was afraid my 3 year old or my two year old would fall out. It is still being discussed. My son walked 4 miles at midnight to Wal-Mart to go look at the toys. He had packed a bag and in that bag he had packed a pair of socks, shorts and a sweatshirt( apparently he had big plans). The whole time that he was gone all I could think about was he walked down the street and fell in the dam or he fell down the embankment and he can't talk or call for help. I was getting so mad at the police because they were searching my home instead of outside near the water even after I told the police that I had searced everywhere including the stove and the refrigerator, cabinets, bath tub, under the beds under the mattress', in the laundry room washers and dryers. They were wasting time and I don't think I have ever wanted to stupid slap someone...and I am not a violent person...when my son returned home the police told me not to worry about punishing him that night but to hug him and let him know that I was happy he was home and that he was safe....hard as I tried though I could not stop crying and I could not wait until today to ask him why he did it, what was he thinking, did he even consider the things that could have happened to him, how would I explain to his siblings that he wasn't there and worst of all how the heck was I going to sleep knowing that he could do it agian. I have not been to bed yet and I am at work because I just don't think I could be in the same house with my son and not break down...I don't have access to the internet except at work and my reception on my phone is not good in my home so I don't even have reliable device to converse on
So my problem is I am not exactly sure...my brain is just...I feel like I've been on a 2 week binder and Im drunk and everything is going in slooooow motion. (I am not drunk)! I don't know if I should discuss this with the other kids around or if I should take him aside and talk with him, and what do I even say to him to get him to understand what he has done...what do I do for a punishment...Right now he is at home on a childrens harness attatched to the boyfriend because I am too afraid to let him out of his site while I am gone....Please let me know what I should do and how I should do it.
Respectfully,
Drained mom of 5
Things have been hard. In the last year, I kicked my husband out because of domestic violence, I then lost my job because my husband left the state instead of helping taking care of the kids so I could work. I lost my apartment because my landlord sold it to his daughter, I found out my father died 2 years ago and on top of that the same day I found out my aunt died the day before, we moved in with a friend and that didn't work out so we moved to the family shelter. June 29th we finally moved into our own apartment and then recently after a year of being gone my husband comes back to NH and has been playing head games with me to the point I've not let my kids go anywhere and I have the police on high alert.
My life has been nothing but downs sense my car accident in 2006. I had to give up my kids for a year until I could learn to walk again and sense then I've not been able to seek employment. I refuse to go on disability so money is tight.
I'm only one person and as much as I try I can't spend time with all of my kids all of the time. There is just no way. They always want me to do one-on-ones with them and I do love to do it but again there just isn't enough time in the day to spend the time that they want me to. I've been blessed that they want to be around me so much and I am so incredibly grateful but at the same time I am so worn out and exhausted.
Anyway, My son ran away last night and the funny thing is I had just been talking to the shelter care plus program people about putting bars on the windows because I felt they were too low to the ground and I was afraid my 3 year old or my two year old would fall out. It is still being discussed. My son walked 4 miles at midnight to Wal-Mart to go look at the toys. He had packed a bag and in that bag he had packed a pair of socks, shorts and a sweatshirt( apparently he had big plans). The whole time that he was gone all I could think about was he walked down the street and fell in the dam or he fell down the embankment and he can't talk or call for help. I was getting so mad at the police because they were searching my home instead of outside near the water even after I told the police that I had searced everywhere including the stove and the refrigerator, cabinets, bath tub, under the beds under the mattress', in the laundry room washers and dryers. They were wasting time and I don't think I have ever wanted to stupid slap someone...and I am not a violent person...when my son returned home the police told me not to worry about punishing him that night but to hug him and let him know that I was happy he was home and that he was safe....hard as I tried though I could not stop crying and I could not wait until today to ask him why he did it, what was he thinking, did he even consider the things that could have happened to him, how would I explain to his siblings that he wasn't there and worst of all how the heck was I going to sleep knowing that he could do it agian. I have not been to bed yet and I am at work because I just don't think I could be in the same house with my son and not break down...I don't have access to the internet except at work and my reception on my phone is not good in my home so I don't even have reliable device to converse on
So my problem is I am not exactly sure...my brain is just...I feel like I've been on a 2 week binder and Im drunk and everything is going in slooooow motion. (I am not drunk)! I don't know if I should discuss this with the other kids around or if I should take him aside and talk with him, and what do I even say to him to get him to understand what he has done...what do I do for a punishment...Right now he is at home on a childrens harness attatched to the boyfriend because I am too afraid to let him out of his site while I am gone....Please let me know what I should do and how I should do it.
Respectfully,
Drained mom of 5
Comment