My 14 Year-Old Son Keeps Taking Off

[Unregistered]

My 14 year-old son takes off every time he is caught doing something or doesn't get his way. We have taken away computers, he will do anything to get to Face Book, including re-installing Windows if a computer has a password, etc. We have had to password protect everything (computers, cell phones, etc.). We have taken away and turned off all of our home phones because he was talking to his girlfriend in the wee hours of the night. I have even buzzed his hair as punishment. He doesn't care how he is affecting the rest of us. He usually goes to hang with his friends, but we can't always find him there. It doesn't matter what we do, he keeps doing it. I just don't know what to do with him anymore and it just breaks my heart. He was always such a good kid. We did take him to a counselor, but he wouldn't hardly talk and his behavior was obvious that he didn't want to be there. He has cut himself a couple of times, but he says he hasn't done that in a long time. He says we don't understand him, but he won't talk to us either. I just don't understand. We filled out a police report today, he took off last night. The last time my husband went looking for him he rode his scooter right past and ignored him. What can we do?

[ccsmod5]

Re: My 14 year-old keeps taking off

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to us. Sounds like things a very difficult for you and your family and it sounds like it’s been that way for quite a bit.

It sounds like your son has been dealing with getting his way but also with some emotional/psychological things as well (cutting/self-injury). How long ago was it that that happened? Did that ever get explored with anyone?

Sounds like you’ve tried everything for him but have you considered finding ways to empower yourself and your family? Sometimes there are support groups or agencies out there to help give parents methods of dealing with children that are completely out of control, self-harmers, etc and could potentially provide you with resources and advices on what worked and didn’t work for them.

Here is an agency that might be helpful with that:

Team HOPE (Help Offering Parents Empowerment)
1866-305-4673

https://www.teamhope.org

There is also another program for families and incorrigible youth. That program is called different things depending on the state but generally referred to as a petition for a youth where they are taken to court by the parents to have a judge serve as another set of eyes to rehabilitate your son. It’s not ‘involving your child in the system’ but more like letting the judge know that you’ve tried everything and he’s just not responding. All the judge does is enforces those rules you already have at home and alerts your son that this time when your son doesn’t do things properly that there will be consequences from the court. You as a parent get to decide what those will look like but if necessary, the judge could eventually place your child in a behavioral rehabilitation program. Again, that’s all depending in what state you live.

If you’d like to explore more options and talk about your situation some more, either respond here or contact us on our crisis hotline at 1800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We’re available 24 hours a day, anonymous and confidential. We’re here to help.

NRS

[Unregistered]

Re: My 14 year-old keeps taking off

My husband found our son in his bed this morning. He somehow got in last night, but he won't tell us. We will be installing different locks that are keyed differently.

I think the cutting happened a year or so ago. I didn't find out until sometime after from a friend of a friend. He has told the psych that he only did it a couple of times. He did break his hand about 3 and a half weeks ago, a "boxer's fracture". He said he got mad because he had bent the wheel on his bike. But, he didn't admit the until the doctor told us that was what it was and that it looked like he had punched something hard, not fallen off of his bike as his story. If he isn't careful, he will have to have surgery on it. He isn't supposed to be riding bikes, scooters, or anything with a repetitive jarring motion. He won't stay off his scooter. It is his own fault if he has to have surgery.

I have been reading an Empowering Parents website. They offer a few suggestions like short term consequences and rewards. So, we have taken away his mp3 (basically the only portable electronic thing he has left). He has 48 hours to earn it back by behaving and not taking off. He is also to try to deal with his anger differently rather than taking off. If he can do that, we will let him "earn" back his ipod, then other stuff after that. If he messes up, the 48 hours starts all over again. We are trying not to let this affect the rest of the family, but it does upset us, especially the younger kids. Thanks for the suggestions. I will check into those.

[ccsmod10]

RE: My 14 Year-Old Son Keeps Taking Off

Hello, and thanks for getting back to us.

We’re so glad to hear your son is back home, in spite of the fact that he isn’t being forthcoming about how he got in last night, or where he’s been. At least he is safe for the moment.

It sounds like you’re very concerned about the damage he may be doing to himself. He has been cutting, and apparently he broke his hand 3 weeks ago from punching a very solid object. As a result of his behavior, he may require surgery, in spite of the warnings he’s been given.

We’re glad to hear you’ve been reading up on empowering yourselves and family online. Did you get a chance to visit Team Hope? They are online at www.teamhope.org, and their hotline (866-305-4673) is staffed by parents of at-risk youths; as such, they have a unique ability to connect and relate to people in your situation.

If you ever want to continue this conversation, we are available 24 hours a day, every day, at 1-800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929). We are a resource for you, your family, and even your son. Our role is to try and help people stay as safe as possible.

This is obviously a very stressful, frustrating sequence of events. Your strength and resolve are admirable. Thank you for reaching out to us, and if you ever need us, feel free to get in touch again.

~NRS