17 Year Old - Out Of Control

[jmarie1963]

I have a beautiful 17 yr old daughter who used to be the apple of my eye. In the last 3 years her behavior has spiraled out of control. First it was hanging out with the wrong kids, drinking, lying - then she got pregnant but subsequently had a miscarriage - and now it's just she does whatever she wants to do whenever she wants to do it. I have had to list her as a "missing person", and a "runaway"; she has been in therapy for the last 4 years. She is now "with" a almost 20 year old guy who has no job, no license, no diploma, no car, no cell phone and is basically homeless. Since she has been with him, I have seen the biggest dramatic change in her in terms of having no respect for my husband's and my authority. I cannot and will not have her coming home whenever she feels like it; as far as I'm concerned if she cannot abide by our simple rules, she will have to live on the streets with her boyfriend.... I am totally at my wits end...this is a girl who used to be a straight "A" student. All I can think about is that the new BF will have her prostituting herself for him to get money if I kick her out of the house...but what else can I do....I feel like I am having a nervous breakdown....Help please!

[ccsmod7]

Re: 17 year old - out of control

Thank you so much for contacting us here at the National Runaway Switchboard and telling us a bit about your situation. It sounds like you are going through a really hard time right now and like you said you are “at [your] wits end.” You mentioned that your daughter has been spiraling out of control for the past 3 years and it just seems to be getting worse. You also mentioned that she is currently dating someone who is basically homeless at this point and you are fearful of her safety.

This sounds like such a difficult situation and that all you care about is keeping your daughter safe. You mentioned that she has been in therapy for the past several years. Do you feel like this has helped in any way? Does she go to therapy on her own or have you ever considered group therapy? Does she know how concerned you are about her right now? Is she still going to school?

It’s understandable that you are frustrated with her constantly leave the home and continuing to make bad choices. In most states the age of majority, when a youth is considered an adult and can leave the home without permission, is 18. Up until then you can usually make a runaway report if she does leave the home without your permission. If you choose to kick her out of the home before the age of 18 there is a possibility that you could get in trouble, but you may want to contact your local police to discuss what the specific laws are in your area.
Just so you know we are a completely confidential hotline that is available 24 hours a day. There is always someone available to listen, discuss options, and even find resources in your area. If you wanted to discuss your situation more in depth and talk about possible options and resources please give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). Take care and call us anytime.

[Unregistered]

New

Thanks for the sensible critique. Me & my cousin were just preparing to do a little research about this. We got a book from our area library but I think I learned better from this post. I am very glad to see such excellent info being shared freely out there...

[Unregistered]

17 year old - out of control

Thank you for posting this. I am going through a very similar situation with my daughter. May God give you strength and also give your daughter strength to know the difference between right and wrong and that you are there for her and only want the best.

[ccsmod5]

Re:

Thank you for your advice. Sounds like it's good to let youth know that parents are there for them no matter what.

-NRS

[Unregistered]

Hui Culture

very good!!thanks very much..

[Unregistered]

14 year old same problem

I am having the same problem but way worse! My 14 year old daughter is out of control she has runaway before. And now she is threatening to do it again if I make her 14 year old runaway friend leave. I dont want to see either one of them out in the street but I can get in trouble for having a runaway in my home.Not to mention my own daughter who is disrespectful and fast enough on her own. She is telling everyone she is pregnant. I gave her a home pregnancy test and it came back negative. My sister gave her one to and it came back negative. Now I am affraid she maybe trying to get pregnant on purpose. We live in Ca where the law is mostly on the side of the minor and the parents dont have to be informed of anything! She can go to planned parenthood without an adult! What can I do?

[ccsmod3]

Re: 17 Year Old - Out Of Control

Hello,

Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are really having a difficult time in your relationship with your daughter. Well, we understand you not wanting to get into any trouble by having her friend stay. Do you know the parent’s of your daughter’s friend? If so, is there a way to communicate with them, without creating a bigger dilemma for you? It can be tough feeling as though you do not have any control or support on your side as a parent. Since it sounds as though you are possibly looking for resources in your area, what have you tried so far to address the issues you are having at home with your daughter?

Most states do provide intervention programs through the juvenile justice system/probation department called MINS or CHINS, which is a minor or child in need of supervision. It helps provide families with an individual case worker who works with the family on an individual basis, focusing on the main issues and providing services for the youth and the family. These can range from counseling to other intervention strategies and additional support and consequences that are reinforced. This could be an option for your situation. We hope this helps! You can also reach us on our 24 hour hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY or 1-800-786-2929. Best of luck!

Thank you again,
NRS

[Unregistered]

Response to the Apple of my eye 17 years old I wsih you get your daugther back

I have a beautiful 17 yr old daughter who used to be the apple of my eye. In the last 3 years her behavior has spiraled out of control. First it was hanging out with the wrong kids, drinking, lying - then she got pregnant but subsequently had a miscarriage - and now it's just she does whatever she wants to do whenever she wants to do it. I have had to list her as a "missing person", and a "runaway"; she has been in therapy for the last 4 years. She is now "with" a almost 20 year old guy who has no job, no license, no diploma, no car, no cell phone and is basically homeless. Since she has been with him, I have seen the biggest dramatic change in her in terms of having no respect for my husband's and my authority. I cannot and will not have her coming home whenever she feels like it; as far as I'm concerned if she cannot abide by our simple rules, she will have to live on the streets with her boyfriend.... I am totally at my wits end...this is a girl who used to be a straight "A" student. All I can think about is that the new BF will have her prostituting herself for him to get money if I kick her out of the house...but what else can I do....I feel like I am having a nervous breakdown....Help please!

Jmarie: I am sorry to hear about the situation with your daughter, my daughter is 17 and its kind of same situation but luckily she hasn't got pregnant but I know it could happen at any time, I don't like her bf and she thinks she can do whatever she wants, I feel horrible for not being able to control her, the only way I could control her would be with aggression and that is not my style, she does not listen to me and does not respect authority, she got in a car accident with three big fines and almost lost her drivers license, she demands a car, and driving license, and I got her a checking account yesterday and she is getting on ubers to go see her bf who lives in one of the worse sides of town.
All I think about is maybe we can get help in a church, we can pray together for our daughter, and do not deny them a room or food because that is how we can see what they are doing. I saw a movie of a parent who was always there close to her daughter even she was not making the good decisions, we may need to become some kind of an angel and I know when we have a job and responsibilities it is difficult to be there all the time, because you don't know when they will do their next stupid thing.
We can pray for them for God to protect them in their decisions and to be our of danger, we could also bring them back to church, or ask for help, we need to find a group for help.

[ccsmod1]

RE: Response to the Apple of my eye 17 years old I wsih you get your daugther back

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out in support of another parent. It sounds like you are going through a trying time with your own daughter right now. It sounds like your faith is very important to you and like prayer is a source of strength for you right now. If you ever need resources or someone to talk to, you can reach out to us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are available 24/7 to take your call.