16 an wanting to run away from an emotionally abusive mom

[Guest]

I was adopted and my mom has become over the top emotionally abusive. She body shames and manipulates to the extent that anything I do im afraid to because I know she has a mean and insulting comment. Everything I do she is overly negative about it and doubts I am able to succeed in life. She tells me that if I do not try harder than I am never going anywhere in life and will end up like my birth parents. She overloads me with things to do for her personal matters and makes me feel anxious every time she talk to me. Any actions that I choose like what to eat or do she always guilts me about it. She body shames me constantly and makes me feel bad about myself. Shes overly involved with everything and is constantly micromanaging. She gives no room to breath and she feels a need to control every aspect of my life and gives me no room to learn and grow as a person. Anytime I get in trouble the consequences are severe and in my opinion not normal. She blocks peoples number because she doesn't like them and cuts off all communication with everyone a couple of times it was for over a month. Any time I want to make a decision its gotten to the point that im afraid to do or say anything because I know theres going to be a mean and opinionating response after I tell her. Anytime I do something wrong whether that be chores or getting a C on a quiz she used this phrase “I am so disappointed with you, I expect better”. Hearing those words makes it feel like your worthless and you’ll never be good enough, I feel like she’s trying to get in my head and control me with her words. When my mom was communicating with my girl friends mom and dad she always altering the truth about us to her parents and staff to get us in trouble and make it sound like weve done something wrong. Any action I do im always judged I cant even live a single hour without her making a comment about what I’ve done. Nothing is good enough, I could get an A on a test and shell just say why wouldn’t you of gotten a 100. When im at school she uses my teachers and my own family by flying monkey’s. She has them keep tabs on me and make them act like there helping me and once I give information they give it to my mom and she uses it against me. She also gaslight’s me. She constantly creates these lies about my friends and tries to get me to think that im psycho and cant see that all of them are bad. Anyone that has met my friends think they are the kindest and funniest people in the world. She tries to get me think that im the one that has psychological problems and cant decide anything for myself because of it. When I try and bring up something I don’t agree with or when I know shes wrong she immediately gets defensive and start verbally attacking me and telling me that im a child and therefore Im wrong and because shes older and “wiser” she knows best, even when she’s wrong. The funny part is she doesn’t even admit when she wrong she still says she right. She picks favorites (her birth daughter) and constantly compares me to her. She compares grades, weight, friends and over my over all ability to do anything. When I do something wrong and get in trouble she constantly plays victim to all my family and slowly turned them against me by manipulating the truth. She goes insane when I even step out of line even the littlest things like not washing a dish well enough. At one point she took away my phone and for 2 months while I was home schooled because I texted my friend through a messaging app and had no human contact with anyone besides my siblings the whole time. My life during that time was wake up, clean and sleep. She isolates me from the people that I love by making sure I cant to them or see them. She knows I hurts me so much when she does that and doesn’t even think twice before doing it, in my opinion she doesn’t care about my feelings, I feel like I am a slave in my own home that has no feelings. At this point ive reached out to multiple people about this but none of them are taking this seriously the only thing that will get this fixed is if i run away and contact the police right away and tell them whats going on. Its not safe to do it while im living in my house because ittl cause more emotional and psychological abuse. If I run away for a couple of hours and have the police meet me at my best friends house would it still be considered harboring a minor? and if not will they make me go home if I tell them i dont feel safe because of the abuse.

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,
Thank you for reaching out that sounds like a frustrating and complex situation to be in. It seems like you have a lot going on and you are feeling like your adoptive mom is actively making things harder for you instead of being there to support you and help you heal and improve yourself. It is never OK for her to threaten you and it is understandable to feel frustrated when she is picking favorites and doesn’t seem to care about you when she is supposed to be your parent and guardian.
In answer to your question if you were to run away to a friend’s house before calling police/CPS your friend will likely not be charged with harboring a runaway. Generally, police also won’t force you to go back home if there are claims of abuse at home and will instead allow for a CPS investigation before they bring you back home. For more information about child abuse and reporting https://www.childhelp.org/ is a great resource to start.
It seems like a large part of the difficulties at home stem from a lack of support from your adoptive mom. You certainly don’t deserve to be cut off from all your support network and friends. There might be other sources of support you can look into that might help you to find coping mechanisms or self-help and support. https://nami.org/Home is a great place to learn about mental health and find support for yourself.
We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe,
NRS