Trying to get better.

[Trying to start a new]

When I was three, I was adopted by a distant family member. Being a toddler, and a young child, I resented my new "parents". To be clear, they also have resented me. Whenever I was six my new "father" died. That's when my mother started turning all of her resentment towards me. I would get beatings, foul words, and disgusted looks nearly everyday as a child. However, oddly enough my brother did not. As we've grown up, the circumstances have never changed. My mother still resents me and tells me atleast once a week that I "need to get it together", "stop screwing my life up", along with being a personal housemaid, babysitter, and full time student. My brother is physically, and verbally violent towards me, and she does absolutely nothing to stop it. My brother regularly gets arrested for drug benders, curfew restrictions, and intoxication. He speaks weekly of dropping out, and my mom is the only one "Allowed" to call the cops on him. However, I have never been even slightly physically or verbally violent, like they both have. My mother stopped becoming physically violent regularly when others started to question it. For the record, not a day that I see her, is she not physically or mentally abusive towards me. My mother only pays for the legally required necessities. But at the same time usually my friends or their parents regularly feed me, buy me clothing, or support me.y "Mother" leaves for days at a time, without notice. Expecting me to find rides, places to stay, and food to find. When she leaves, without a fail, my brother throws wild house parties that I have never once partaken in. I have never been there, or come out of my room during them.(Even there were intoxicated minors, I was not to call the police, or I would be punished.) everytime my brother would have a party, I'd get in trouble, and I was always expected to pickup the aftermath of a high school ranger. Upon living in this sort of household, I have recently been developing Stress induced seizures. I have been hospitalized 4 times in the past month and have spent many more fad in doctors offices. I have been an honor roll student since preschool. However, under the stress, new medicines, and amount of days I've missed, my grades have been slipping. I have made up my work, but my grades haven't been any better. At one point last month, I had to stay with a family friend because my brother became physically violent and began growing things at my head/face/body. My mom did absolutely nothing to stop this except make me stay somewhere else. This past week, upon hearing that my grades had beef slipping( TO WHICH I COULD NOT HELP), she began to tell me that I was being a disappointment, and throwing my life away. I simply said these words(in tears at the time, I have an anxiety disorder due to this environment), "I am trying my hardest, and you keep telling me it's not good enough." My mother, known to have been physically and verbally violent in my entire life, Grabbed my face, pushed me against the chair I was sitting in, and screamed at me. However, what she was screaming was shockingly horrific. She proceeded to scream, "I REBUKE YOU IN THE NAME OF GOD, I AM NOT TALKING TO "******" (She said my name) I'M TALKING TO YOU! REVEAL YOURSELF SPIRIT. I REBUKE YOU IN THE NAME OF GOD, WHAT IS YOUR NAME? YOU EVIL SPIRIT. IM NOT TALKING TO "*******"." This proceeded for approximately 8 minutes. I had a horrific look on my face, and I was genuinely terrified of her. She has had several outbreaks where she would shove me against a wall and start beating the crap out of me, but nothing as crazy as this. The next day, I packed up everything I owned and moved in with a friend. Upon learning that I was gone, my mom asked me nothing. She asked is I left, and I said yes. She then proceeded to accuse me of stealing her things, things that I have never even heard of. Including her clothes, that would never fit, because I'm a size small and she is a size 2X. I am less than 3 months from turning 18. I live in Louisiana. It has been a week since she last accused me of stealing her things. Now she's trying to punish me for taking my legal papers (birth certificate; Social security card, and personal records of myself.). Not once has she asked me where I am, if I were okay, why I left, if I was leaving for good and she also never asked me to come back. I have looked into emancipation, however the process takes approximately 6 months, but I'll be 18 in less than three. Where I am staying, I have guaranteed transport to school everyday, adult supervision, meals, access to necessities, and have almost gotten a job to start paying my way in life. I am really confused on what to do here, because she isn't forcing me to go back to her house (She always said "if you leave, never come back.), she is just being very petty and immature. I'm worried she'll do something irrational, or crazy, which she has been known to do in the past. I'm just tying to finish my schooling, get a job, maintain a healthy environment, and secure my future. What can I do to keep her from taking that from me?

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re: trying to get better

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