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Running away in 3 months, need advice!

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  • Running away in 3 months, need advice!

    Hi, Im going to be 18 in about three months. Im 17 right now. My mother is very abusive towards me and I need to get out. I have a friend in Texas who is willing to take me in.I live in Oregon right now. I am going to wait until my 18th birthday to actually put my plans into action, but I do have some questions.

    I know I will be 18 and as far as I know, legally, my mother can't send police after me or anything like that. I just want to make sure that if she calls the police on me which I'm sure that she will, she has done it to my brother for years since he ran away. He was underage, but she always harassed my father and him, even when she knew he was with my dad. I don't want my friend to get in any trouble with the law. I don't want her to harass them even when Im 18. She does a lot of things out of spite, so Im just worried she'll try to track me somehow and try to get someone from their family in trouble. My initial plan was to contact the police department to let them know that I am safe and just need to get out of the situation im in. I was just wondering if there's a better way to go about this? I know it probably sounds silly to be asking this because. yes. i will be 18, im just worried because i've seen her do this stuff first hand.

    Im planning on switching my phone awhile prior to moving so that I will be set and I wont be connected to the family plan anymore. That way she wont be able to track me. I've also read up and have found that she shouldnt be able to read any of my messages. But I think once I reset my phone and tell them to stop paying it, it shouldnt be an issue anyway.. But correct me if im wrong? I've started to sell things in preperation. Im trying to save up for luggage. My friends said they'd drive down to get me a month after my birthdday. I just need to sever all ties. ... Please let me know if there's anything else I should do to ensure that there's no way she can contact me or find me. And PLEASE let me know if there's anything legally she can do at all to harm my friends.

    Thank you very much.

  • #2
    Hi there,

    Thank you for contacting us here at the National Runaway Safeline. Putting together a solid plan before you leave is a great idea to ensure that you stay safe and can move out when you are 18. You are right that at 18 you are a legal adult and you have the legal freedom to choose where you live. Your mother can attempt to call police and report you as a missing person, but police would not force you back home. Once you turn 18 you can try calling the police department's non-emergency number to give them a heads up that you are leaving and you will be safe, but your mother might attempt to report you as missing. You can ask them questions about what they would do in this instance, what you can do to have the report closed, and what actions you can take if your mother attempts to repeatedly contact you or harass you after leaving. Since you are an adult you would not be considered a runaway which means police would not pursue harboring charges for someone you are staying with. Your friend would not get into any legal trouble since you are both adults and you have willingly left home to stay with them.

    It would be helpful to put together steps you need to take to become fully financially independent from your mother. You mentioned getting your own phone plan and paying for it yourself. You can try to contact the phone carrier company to see what you would need to do to have the phone disconnected from service and how to have your phone connected to a new plan. If your mom has downloaded any surveillance or parental applications on your phone, these would need to be deleted. If your mother helped you set up your current bank account, she likely has access to it. Once you are 18 you will need to set up your own individual account and transfer your funds into it, so that she cannot access your money. If you know where your vital documents are (ID, birth certificate, social security card, passport) it would be a smart idea to obtain these before leaving. If you think your mom might try to hide them, it could be helpful to keep them somewhere safe or with a trusted friend until you are ready to leave. If you do not have any of these or cannot obtain them from leaving, you can find more information on getting replacements here: https://nn4youth.org/ .

    We hope this information helps. If you have further questions or you would like to talk more about your plans, you can reach out anytime. We are available 24/7 by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or through live chat at 1800runaway.org.

    Stay safe and good luck!
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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