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16 Years Old and Wanting to Get Away

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  • 16 Years Old and Wanting to Get Away

    Hi, I'm a sixteen year old transgender man living in Virginia. My name is Jarilo.

    Living with my parents it tough. After a number of years spent wondering, looking online, and talking to other people, I've concluded that my parents aren't the best people. My mother will gaslight me, belittle me, make rude comments about me, and most of all, she is unaccepting of my identity. So is my father. When I came out to them at twelve, they were angry; my mom cried; I was forced to apologise to her. I view it as a forced apology because my father told me to, and because I feel like I was essentially apologising for being myself. For being open with them.

    They say they love me unconditionally, no matter what, but I know that's not true. Not after that. On the instances that they tell me they love me no matter what, and I make my disagreement apparent, they get annoyed, and ask questions like, 'when have we ever not been accepting and supporting of you?' It's almost like they forgot entirely.

    My father moved away for a job recently, so I'm alone with my mother. Despite some of my father's worst moments, he's generally better to live with than my mother. She guilt-trips me, gaslights me (denies saying things she has, in fact, said, leading me to question my memory), and overall, makes me feel like ********.

    Recently, my mother found out about my binder (a compression shirt to make my chest less visible). She made her opinion clear. She told me to get rid of it, how it will hurt my organs-- the last part is true, I just wish it weren't being used against me in such a manner. She hasn't made any move to actually throw it away, though. Still, I get worried. Paranoid. She's gone through my diaries, my room, my phone, and I feel like taking it isn't a big progression. She doesn't understand that it is important to me. It's vital. Every morning I wake up, and I'm aware of my body and my inability to change it or make anyone around me view it differently, so my binder provides me at least a little bit of comfort. If not to anyone else, to myself.

    My dad, although never actually hitting me, has made several movements (raising his hand in the air, stopping midway) to hit me. I become scared. I fear for the time where they finally reach their breaking point and hit me, or throw me out. I feel like the only thing that is holding them back is the fact that I'm their only kid. If they get rid of me, they have no one else.

    Yelling, screaming, and arguments are a regular part of my life at home.

    The only thing keeping me here is my cat. I've saved up some birthday money and change in a tin in my room, so I at least have something if I ever do leave.

    One of my friends said to me that they would offer me a place in their home, if their parents weren't in disagreement about something else. My other friend said she could offer me a place in her house, and that her parents would be accepting of me, but I'm worried about the legal trouble they would get in to if they housed me.

    Since I'm old enough to work, and have applied to several places, I feel as though I would have sufficient income to take care of myself.

    Basically, what I'm asking here, is, should I leave home? What are the legal problems someone could run into if they housed a minor without consent of the legal guardian? And, if I end up having to travel farther away, are there any LGBT or youth shelters in the North-Virginia area?


  • #2
    Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

    We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing with us what’s going on. We understand the importance of feeling acceptance form those you are close to. Being courageous enough to walk in your truth is an amazing thing. Good for you. Still it sounds like you ae frustrated that your parent’s are the way behaving in such a way that it seems uncomfortable for you to stay. You do not deserve to be intimidated, threaten or feel controlled. You are not to blame for how they behave. It’s not your fault. Leaving home is a big step. NRS is here to listen and help in any way that we can. It sounds like you have some supportive friends that have offered to help. Sometimes it helps to have someone you can go to for comfort and who are willing to listen. That probably feels special to have.

    We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. You are welcome to call or chat about your situation or explore options of resources in your area.
    If you would like to talk more, please call or chat soon.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); (click on the chat button).

    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Take care,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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