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I'm 17 now and I want to move to another state with my Soulmates Family

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  • I'm 17 now and I want to move to another state with my Soulmates Family

    I'm a 17 year old girl living in Arizona, I'm so sick of living with my mom and her husband. They always emotionally abused me and make me feel so stressed and lost and they're often very mean to me. They disrespected me all the time and I hated the way I was treated and the environment I had to live in. I hated it there for so long I just wanted to leave ever since I was 15. They always made me feel like I want to kill myself and there were times where I almost tried to overdose and I had hurt myself countless times before and my mom never cared. A few weeks ago when I was still 16 everything finally snapped. My so called mom and her husband were pissing me off to my wits end for the millionth time so I sent my mom a small 6 word message just like the rest I've had to send because they were being annoying. Because of that they took my whole entire door off and traumatized me. I'm very quiet and introverted and I like to be alone, they have a bunch of dogs that I do not feel comfortable around and they often have people visit so I tend to hide in there but them taking it off ruined my only comfort of being there. I never realized how bad I really wanted to leave after that. I was trying to stay till I turned 18 but that drew the line. They took everything I had and I just hid under my blanket for several hours crying. They never bother to talk they just act without reason and I feel extremely unsafe. After not being able to do anything and feel like I was trapped for basically the whole day it got worse and my moms husband came in there yelling at me, I don't remember much but my mom was just standing there watching him treat her child that way?

    My mother is a sick human being, and I have lost my trust for her overtime so long ago, I often felt like she was going to poison me. I really felt unsafe there. My moms husband was violently pulling my blanket off and I was yelling at him to stop, I felt like it was my last bit of comfort and they were removing it but he kept doing it I felt so attacked. We were all arguing and I put my foot up to his chest to make him keep his distance because I felt like I was going to get abused and my mom was just watching all of this when she could've been talking to me and actually be normal instead. I have tried to talk to her but she always just ignored me, even if I tried my moms husband always turned the tv volume up. So I became isolated in my room, talking with my soulmate and playing games with him for several years. We talked everyday besides one time that I was in the hospital for a few days, we only couldn't talk because I didn't have my phone and I had to cry when I was alone because I missed him so much. I even painted his name on my wall when I was 15. He was the only reason I have not killed myself, he's why I want to live. He's the only thing that makes me happy in this life that I want to share with him for the rest of it and I feel so stressed out that I can't just be with him already. My life is a living nightmare and I keep feeling like my life has been just wasted when it could've been lived actually WITH him.. It's so unfair.

    I apologize for going off-topic.. After that issue with my mom and her husband (I'm no longer calling him my step-dad) he yelled at me to get out of "his" house. I had been crying the whole time so I got up and was yelling at them I can't remember what I had said, I think I said I hate them because it's true. As I was getting up shaking and lost and overwhelmed my mom said "I love you" so I got even more pissed off and disagreed with her. It's obvious that she doesn't love me, she has been so mean and ignored me for so long, let her husband be rude to me over the years and she picks his side. I didn't even put any shoes on because I felt like if I was in that room for any longer they would've beaten me. I charged out of the house and walked down the street barefooted at night. It was straight up outside, it wasn't a neighborhood it was the wilderness so nobody would've found me for a long time. I ignored the pain on my feet and ignored if I stepped on anything even if I came across a rattlesnake which was likely I wouldn't have cared.

    It turns out that exact same time my half-sister and my brother were driving back to my moms (Calling it home would be a joke that isn't a joke) and they drove past me but they backed up as I was walking and crying and they asked what happened n stuff.. I eventually got in the car but refused to go back inside. I had huge blisters on my feet I think they were 3rd degree burns? I even had so many little cactus pieces in one foot that I still haven't been able to get out. We argued on the porch, my half-sister was on my moms side. My brother texted my dad to come pick me up (I haven't talked to my dad for like 5 years). My half-sister kept trying to convince me to stay but I could not stay there any longer.

    I am now at my dads with his girlfriend and their 2 little kids and my brother in an apartment. It's not the best, the apartment is pretty dirty especially the kitchen and I had offered to help clean but they refuse. I still don't like it here I didn't even want to be here in reality I just want to be with my soulmate (boyfriend) I could be here till I'm 18 but I'm so impatient I just want to run away to my soulmate but it's merely impossible. I've never had a job because I'm not in the right setting for it and I am not comfortable to have a job where I have been living. I don't like being around the little kids and me and my dad got into an argument about it because one of them is autistic and I don't know how to act around kids or those types because I never had and I'm still new here. My dad is supportive of weed and I strongly disagree, I've always been against drugs and I do not want to live here with drugs and my dad has had an abusive past but he's never abused me or my brother.

    Next year my dad is going to have those types of drugs and I don't feel comfortable with that stuff at all I don't want to be around it or breathe it. I just want to be with my soulmate.

    My soulmate and his parents are all okay for it, they're a good christian family and he works with his mom at an at-home job and I'd love to help out with that and they're all fine with me living with them in the near future it's all settled for that but I just can't get there right now. They're all waiting to have a family trip to the Grand Canyon to come get me too and go back but that would be next year but I can't be here for too long especially because next year my dad is going to have drugs when it's "legalized". I haven't talked with my dad about my soulmate because I don't know how he is with "boyfriends" it would be very weird and my half-sister left my dad with her boyfriend a long time ago and I don't want him to think I'm repeating that if I was here for so long.

    I just want to be happy finally living with my soulmate. I can't wait till I'm 18 I can't go anywhere else I'm so lost. I try to suggest if it's possible for him to come get me sooner, he knows everything and we're 100% good to each other. His mom knows everything that's happened to me and she agrees that it's unsafe for me to stay with "my family". So she has already agreed to come get me and live with them and work with them, I'd treat them like the family I have never gotten to experience. An actual loving wholesome family far from abuse and hate. I just want to be free. I don't know what to do I don't know how to get there I don't know how to just walk out and get there because I have stuff that I need, I don't have a phone to communicate to him with because my mom took it, I've only been on my Laptop and Xbox here at my dads to talk to my soulmate and still game with him like usual.

    I turned 17 on the 17th of this month I'm so stuck and I don't know how to even get permission to leave with him, 1 because I do not want to talk to my mom ever again, and 2 because my dad is a dad and dads aren't very good with "boyfriends" especially if he knew I intend to leave to live with him. My soulmate lives in Texas and I am in Arizona, I would do anything to be with him right now I would even take a plane despite how scary it is but I can't get a ride to an airport and I don't have money for a plane ticket or stuff for luggage.

    I often just want to kill myself because it feels so hopeless to me but I can't do that. I just want to be there. When I was crying I kept begging in my mind that I want to go home and home is where my heart is but my heart is so far away. I want to be okay and have cats and a family in the future with my soulmate. But right now I just want to finally be with my soulmate, my happiness and meaning in life. .

  • #2
    Hi there, thanks for reaching out to us at NRS. It sounds like you’ve been experiencing pretty challenging home environments, first in living with your mom and her husband who have made you feel unsafe and lacking privacy, and then have found that living with your dad has had its downsides, as well.
    You mentioned a couple times that sometimes things have been so bad that you have thought of killing yourself. Please know that if you are ever having thoughts of suicide, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255. They are available 24/7 and there for support. You also mentioned that your caretakers’ behaviors have been abusive. Until you are considered an adult, you are able to report any abuse you are experiencing to the National Child Abuse Hotline (800) 422-4453 to see if it warrants an investigation and intervention. Furthermore, you are always have the option of going to your local emergency room or calling 911 if you feel like you are in immediate danger (due to abuse or thoughts of suicide).
    It’s great that you have such a strong source of support from your soulmate, and it sounds like his mom has also demonstrated her support. Although you mentioned that you haven’t approached the subject with your dad, as you suspect he will not be supportive of you even having a boyfriend, one legal way of leaving home is if your dad, or legal guardian, consents to an alternate living situation. It’s quite possible that it would be difficult to convince your dad or mom to be on board with you leaving the state to live with someone they haven’t met, but perhaps an arrangement can be made where your soulmate and his mom can come meet them in person to talk about your wishes to live with them and see if your parents might consider that arrangement. If there is another adult or family member who you think your parents would be agreeable to you staying with, that would be another option. Running away without their consent is completely your choice, but we must warn you that if your legal guardian files a runaway report, and the police find you with your soulmate’s mom, she could potentially get in legal trouble for “harboring a runaway”.
    Please know that we are available 24/7 and completely confidential if you ever want to discuss your situation further and explore options together: (800) 786-2929. We also offer conference calls with parents, if you are wanting to have a conversation about this with your dad, for instance, but want the support of an NRS liner, we are happy to help you address this with him.
    Best of luck,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)


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