I'm 15 and a failure in Florida.

[Guest]

I'm so sorry for the long post.

My mom has married my step-dad in 2014. We were a good family until around 2015. My dad yells at my mom and my siblings because he gets angry easily. He has to cook and clean because my mother is obese and won't allow me or my three autistic siblings to do anything. I want to help around the house, but my mom refuses and tells me to just focus on my schoolwork (I am homeschooled via a website.)
The only reason I'm homeschooled is because my friend of 6 years had began dating someone who emotionally abused me at school and managed to twist her up to where she told me to kill myself and cut off contact with me. I was hurt. I had already tried to kill myself a year before that and having her tell me to go die hurt me so much. I quit brick and mortar school and convinced my mom to let me do online/home school. I thought my problems would stop, but I was terribly wrong.

I want to do my assignments at my own pace, like the school said I could, but my mom will not stop nagging me. It's gone to the point where she goes into my room and take my belongings while I shower and am away. I have resorted to putting my phone and laptop in my dirty clothes basket to hide them from her. My dad has been angry and has smashed several plates and called me a pussy behind my back (but I heard him) because my anxiety has made me scared to go outside in public, as well as the recent school shootings. Also because I 'don't do my schoolwork when my mom asks me to.'

I cannot handle my mom not being able to care for us properly and my dad not getting a job and basically making me feel endangered almost everyday. I want to run away but I have no money. Hell, my mom won't let me get a job because she doesn't trust me because I refuse to do my assignments within 5 minutes of me waking up. Most times I don't want to just run away either, I want to run to the woods and kill myself.

What do I do? What can I do? Can I run away and crash at a friend's place? How do I tell the police I feel endangered without having them search my house and scare my pets? If I can run away sucessfully, what necessities do I need?

--Anathema

[ccsmod4]

Reply: I'm so sorry for the long post.


Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now.
It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
We can't tell you what to do but we are open to listening and exploring options with you that might help to cope with your situation.
If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

We hope to hear from you soon.

Be safe and stay strong,
NRS