Running away? maybe..?

[Guest]

My best friend and I are planning to run away before the new semester of school starts. Most people run away because they have problems at home, but not us. My best friend and I have pretty great lives; good friends, okay family, but we just hate school! It's hard, and no matter how hard we try, our grades haven't gotten any better. Another reason we want to run away is because we've both been through harder than hard relationships -- relationships that could make even the most experienced person get depressed. We just want out of this town, this school, and everything else. We almost have enough money, and we have planned a list of everything we need, and things we could live without for a while. But thing thing is, we have a few crutial questions before we run away. For one thing: Is it legal? We're both thirteen, and we're not sure what could happen if we get cought. Would we go to jail?
Another question we have is; Is $300 dollars enough? We think it is, but we're really not sure.. If someone could just give us a few tips, that would be amazing.

[ccsmod3]

Re: Running away? maybe..?

Thank you for sharing your situation with us at the National Runaway Switchboard. It sounds like you and your friend have both thought a lot about running away. You mentioned that school has been hard and that you have experienced some difficult relationships. You also mentioned getting depressed, is this something that you both have experienced and if so, how have you coped? It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot even though you mentioned that you both have pretty great lives with friends and family.

You also had several questions and we can do our best to answer. However, we are not legal experts here so we can only give general answers to your questions. First, you asked if it is legal to run away. To our knowledge, it is not illegal to run away in most states. However, most states recognize it a crime to harbor a runaway. So, if your parents do not give you permission to stay with someone, that person could potentially get in trouble. How do you think your parents would react to you running away and staying someplace else? Is there anyone you can think of that they might agree to let you stay with temporarily? Different states have different consequences for harboring a runaway, which you might be able to find out by calling your police anonymously or by contacting a legal aid in your area. We could also provide you with these resources should you give your city and state.

The other thing is that many states have laws about truancy and dropping out of schools. If you and your friend did leave home, what would you do about school? You mentioned having difficulties, but are there any ways you can think of to improve your grades? Is there a teacher or a tutoring program that may be of help? In most states, a youth cannot drop out of school until age 16. However, this varies between states and might be answered more thoroughly by contacting a local school anonymously or legal aid.

You also asked what might happen if you and your friend get caught. If you and your friend have not gotten in any legal trouble, generally the police will just take you back home. Sometimes they take youth to detention centers or runaway youth shelters, but generally that only happens if there has been some sort of crime committed, or if you are too far away from home.

The last thing you brought up was money. You asked if $300 is enough, and there is not really a way to answer that specifically. How long do you think you will stay gone if you leave, and how long do you think that amount of money will last you? Once that money runs out, how will you survive? Where will you stay? There are youth shelters that are available in some areas. However, they generally require parental consent or notification anywhere from immediately to 72 hours. How do you think you and your friend’s parents would react to a call like that?

We hope these responses and questions can be of help to you and your friend. If you would like to discuss the situation further, you are welcome to call us at our hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are anonymous, confidential, and available 24/7, so you can call us at anytime. We wish you and your friend luck and if there is anything else you need, do not hesitate to contact us.

- NRS

[Guest]

Re: Running away? maybe..?

Thanks for replying so fast..(:
And I'm going to answer you a few questions, just so you can maybe help us with what we're planning.

For one thing, the money situation might be a problem, because we're both avid spenders, but we can still live without a lot of things. We can each go without food for about 2 days, and we really don't have any problem doing so. We're planning to run away for as long as we can. We're in Texas, and we want to be in South Carolina within a week or two. I know a friend that we can both live with in South Carolina, and I trust him completely.

As for her parents, and my parents -- we're not sure what they'll think. I asked my mother a few weeks ago what she would if I ran away, and she just said that she wouldn't call the cops, and that she would just wait for me to come home. I'm sure her parents would do the same.

And about the school situation, we're done with trying. We've gone to tutoring sessions, we've tried extra credit, and it's just SO hard. (Let me add that we go to a private, college prep school, that has very, very high expectations.) We just want a way out, and it doesn't really matter if we finish school or not. When we get to south carolina, my friend will let us go to school with him..
We want this SO bad, just to get out of here, we want to feel free again.

[ccsmod3]

Re: Running away? maybe..?

Thank you for continuing to share your situation with us. You stated that you are in Texas and plan to travel to South Carolina. How would you get there? What will you do if you are stopped along the way? I know you stated that your mom said she would not call the cops, but is there a chance she may change her mind? What would you do if that were the case? You also mentioned staying with a friend, but what about that friend’s parents? As mentioned in our earlier post, most states recognize harboring a runaway as a crime. Do you think that is a risk your friend and his parents are willing to take? Also, since you are considering going across state lines, some states recognize that a crime if you are traveling with an adult. Is that a risk you and your friend are willing to risk as well?

You mentioned wanting to get out of where you are because you want to feel free. What do you mean by feeling free? Are there any other ways that you might also feel this way? It sounds like the school situation has been really hard on you. You also stated that you would go to your friend’s school, but how would you go about getting enrolled? Most school districts require a parent or guardian to register a minor for school. Is this something you think your parents would agree with? We cannot tell you what you should do or what your plan should be. However, if you would like to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY, we would be happy to further discuss possible options with you.

[Unregistered]

Please help

I have a 15 year old friend. He is a guy and I care about him alot. His family does not listen to him and he has no personal privacy. Their religion is very strict and he can not socailize with anyone outside the family or religion. I am not in the religion so we have been secretly talking without his parents knowing. His family calls him worthless and his parents buy him stuff instead of talking about their problems or letting him tell them that he is unhappy and wants to just be loved by them. They ignore his crys for help and whenever they dont trust him (which is alot) they take one of his precious items away. He once paid for an ipod with his own money and they took it because he was using it to stay in contact with friends. He cant leave the house unless its with one of his older siblings who tell on him and take his stuff and abuse him. Also his family will leave and go out to eat normally without him so he has to stay home and watch the house. He is discluded from alot and this may be because he is the middle child. His sister told me once that everyone hates him and that he is no good. He is the sweetest guy I met and I wish I could help him. I told him he needs to see a counselor but now it has gotten so bad and they are getting worse in his house. They do not trust him and they take away everything from him. He wants to run away and has for years just I kept telling him it would just get worse but at this point... its already bad... he has nothing to call his own. He does not have his own bedroom. His dad never spends time with him and his mom is always mad at him. His siblings scream and yell and complain continoulsy and im scared he may start to think about suicde. He already crys about once a week and he is miserable. I want to tell him not to run away just.... i feel like its sometimes the only option for him. Please dont judge me but I don't know how to help him. I just want him to be happy and to be safe. I am telling him to go see a school counselor. Just thats about a month away from happening. Im stuck what should i do. He doesnt have a phone. There is no way to keep in contact with him. Please help

[ccsmod0]

Re: Please Help

Hi,
Thanks so much for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Switchboard. We do not judge and it is a great characteristic to be so caring and concerned for others. Your friend is lucky to have you, since it sounds as though he is all alone at home and is not connected with his family. Your suggestions for him to seek counseling services in his area and to seek out the school counselor were great, even though it will take some time for him to utilize the services at school, you are still helping him find ways to be connected to people and feel heard.

Sometimes running away or finding a place that is safe and away from the situation that is causing the hurt may be the best option. It sounds as though you are in a tough situation and you are limited in being able to contact your friend, which concerns you. Have you considered other means of communicating with him to continue to provide support; whether through letters or anything that would not cause the situation to worsen? If you are concerned or worried about him becoming suicidal you can try and see if he has any thoughts about hurting himself, if he has thought of a specific plan, and how easy would it be for him to complete or go through with hurting himself or committing suicide. You are also always welcome to reach out to the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273 TALK (8255).

Even though you are not able to contact your friend at the moment, you are helping him by reaching out to us, supporting him, caring for him and being a friend and someone he can trust, which it sounds like he does not have at all in his life currently. You can see if he is able to sneak access to a phone when his family leaves him alone in the house, he can call us from any payphone, we are toll-free and anonymous, and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-800-RUNAWAY or either of you can reach us through chat every day from 4:30-11:30 pm CST.

We wish you the best of luck and hope to hear from one of you or both of you soon.

NRS

[Unregistered]

Thank you for your advice. I needed to know what to do I felt so stuck at the time. He does stay in contact with me threw an ipod that is old and use to be his brothers but I'm scared that if that goes he will be completely alone. I wanted to ask quickly what would a counselor do for him at school. Would they suggest family counseling because his parents are so stubborn and the religion is so strict that I have a feeling they would turn it down even if it meant that their son may be happier and is unhappy now. I just wanted to know what options could they give him or how could they comfort him. They wont tell his parents is what I have heard just he is so scared his family would find out. They already took most of his things away and just say its because he is the problem. That they are right and that he is the problem compeltely. But thank you so much for replying. I will suggest to him to call. I think I actually already have just he is so scared to take on of their phones. Although I dont know what more they could do to him at this point. Except yell at him and scream and tell him he is a bad and untrustworthy person. They already do that though. I will try to encourage him more to talk to someone. He needs to. But thank you so much.

[ccsmod2]

Thank you for getting back to us and for continuing to be such a great friend. We are glad to hear that your friend has a way to communicate with you but it sounds like you are concerned that he won’t have that for long. Does someone know he has it?

If your friend was to go to a counselor, either at school or through an agency, their main objective would be to just listen to him and see what he wants to talk about. They may recommend that they do a family session but may not force the issue. Since counselors are all different, we wouldn’t be able to say what they would say to make him feel better or what resources they could offer him. You mentioned that you heard they wouldn’t tell his parents; since he is a minor, they may be allowed to give him a few sessions before telling his parents or they may not have to tell his parents at all. Unfortunately, that varies state to state so the school or agency would be able to tell him how they handle it.

We are sorry to hear that your friend is having so much difficulty with his family and again, we think it’s great that you are being so supportive of him. If you would ever like to call us about resources for your friend, please do so. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We also have online chat services that are available from 4:30 PM-11:30 PM (CST), 7 days a week through our website (www.1800runaway.org).

We look forward to hearing from you and wish you the best of luck.

~NRS

[Unregistered]

Well he says there is no way he can get to a phone and well I just hope the counselor he goes to doesnt tell his parents. It would make things worse i beleive if an outside source told them how upset their child was because they seem to care more about how their family appears to their religion then how their family members feel. But thank you for your suggestions and well his family does not know he has it I believe. They know its missing but they have so many devices because they never leave the house unless its for religion or to go out to eat that its hard to keep track of them all. He is the only one without a computer and without a phone even though he has a younger brother who is 8 has a computer and internet access but no phone. I find it silly that they trust their 8 year old more then their 15 almost 16 year old. He tells me he doesnt know what he did and swears that they have never really trusted him. I trust him and he has not let me down once. I may not be getting the whole story but he tells me everything and I would know if he was lieing. It seems like I'm his only friend and he has few at school but he tells none of them how life is at home because its against the family rules it seems. Will a counselor protect him if his parents found out and they block him off from society completely. What if his parents just make him become home schooled and then he no longer will have any chance of making more connections with people which he already has trouble with. But thank you for listening. I will try my best to help him more.

[ccsmod0]

Re: Running Away? maybe..?

Hi,
Thanks for continuing to share what has been going on with us here at the National Runaway Switchboard. Again, it's really great that your friend has you here advocating and caring for him so much.
It sounds like the situation he has at home isn't very beneficial to him and that you are getting more and more concerned. If you are worried about a counselor sharing information with his parents, you have every right to ask them any questions you like. Like do they share everything, only if parents inquire, only if it's extreme (suicide etc..)? Then when you know for sure their obligations, it may help you move forward with these decisions.
You definitely have a lot on your mind about the situation, understandably so. If you can give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat with us from 4:30-11:30 pm CST every day we would be more than happy to continue talking with you (or of course him as well) and to try and help as best we can.
We wish you the best of luck,
NRS