16 YO in Colorado looking to move out without parental consent

[Guest]

I'm not in a physically abusive home, but it is certainly a toxic environment that is affecting school and everyday life. I currently have a stable well-paying job, but due to cost of living in my hometown it'd be stupid to stay. My plan is to drop out of high school after this year, then move to Oregon as I have both friends and family (a brother) able to assist me if need me. I would then complete my GED (I've already started studying), look for jobs, and then possibly attend a community college or trade school. What could my parents legally do about this? I've saved to support myself independently for around 6 months Oregon until I get a job. Would I legally be able to rent an apartment or is this impossible without parental consent? I'd likely move in with my brother to save money until it didn't make sense any more. Could my parents (theoretically) come here and just force me to come home? How stupid would this be? I'm not going to die living here for two years longer, but is the two years of financial buffer I'd get staying (my parents are upper-middle class) really worth my mental stability?

The other thing I'm concerned about is related to a trust fund my grandpa has setup some kind of fund (I'm not naming specifics because I don't want to mislabel it, I could probably dig up more) my siblings have used to attend higher education. Would this be forfeited if I left? Could my parents cut me off from it?

Just need some advice before I make many plans. Hoping for a better future

[ccsmod4]

Reply: #1 16 YO in Colorado looking to move out without parental consent

Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you are trying to decide what to do about leaving home or staying but have some questions. Though we can understand being frustrated by a situation it’s good that you are taking your time in making a decision. Unfortunately we can't predict the future. One thing we can say is that running away probably will cause changes as to how you will survive. Some things to consider are where you will stay? How will you eat? How do you keep yourself safe? Basically the question you might ask of yourself is: Will running away make my situation better or worse?
One that might help during a difficult time is by making a check list to see if you have done all that you can to resolve whatever conflict you might be having about something or someone. Next is to examine how you have attempted to do this. Consider what the best form of communication is to get across your feelings about the situation.
It is also important that you remember to exercise self- care.

While we are not experts on the law, someone under 18 that leaves home, the parent/guardian may file them as a runaway and they may be returned home. Also, those that a reported runaway stays with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. Anyone found to be assisting or aiding someone to run away may also find themselves at risk legally. For more specifics on the law, you might consider contacting the local non-emergency number for the police. You might also look for a legal aid center in the area. They may be able to answer any legal questions on the subject.
NRS is here to listen and here to help.
We would like to be of assistance to you if we can. It is times like these that it would be nice to have a listening ear.
We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in more about your plan and tell us more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).


We hope to hear from you soon.

Take care,
NRS

We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us

[Guest]

Hi So first Id like to say that Im not in an abusive household. However I am in a toxic situation. My parents are constantly using weed and alcohol and encouraging me to do the same. I have tried and tried to get clean and sober but it is nearly impossible in this environment. I have had some mental health issues that I have had to deal with on my own and are constantly used against me. My mother has told me to kill myself on many occasions and her and my step father are constantly in heated fights. The police have been called to my house on multiple occasions. I have run away before as an act of rebellion but this time Im trying more to move out. The cost of living in my state is way to high to live on my own. My significant other and 2 more close friends share a house. They are 100% compliant with me moving in. Im 16 but I cannot drive and I dont have a job. Im currently in online school. My plan is to move out, and into this house. I would be completing my online school work during the mornings and working full time evenings and nights. I would have a ride both too and from work. I would be put on either my boyfriend or significant others insurance until I could be emancipated and gain my own insurance policy. I read online that if you move out without your parents permission, and you are labeled as a runaway, you can go to the police station with identified and your new address to be taken off of the missing person list, and that if you are in a safe environment you are unlikely to be forced back. Once that investigation opens I would use that as a basis for my emancipation. The place I would be going will encourage my sobriety and help my mental health as I wont be in a toxic place. The part that worries me about this process is the fact that my boyfriend is 24 but I am only 16. My parents are compliant of the relationship and while it is slightly disproportionate it is within the Colorado statutory rape guidlines. We arent having sex on top of that. Im concerned that the court will force me to cone back to my home because the place I plan to move is also with my boyfriend. Any advice?

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like your parents have been making home a really negative environment and asking for help was the right thing to do. Your safety and well-being are very important and should come first. It is not okay that your parents are putting you in harms way and are discouraging your sobriety.

We are not legal experts by any means, but we can share some general info with you. If you leave without permission your parents can attempt to file a runaway report. This is not a crime and you will not be arrested. If the the police know where you are they might return you home. In some cases police are much more lenient with running away when the person is closer to 18 and they might not return you home if you are safe. The best way to know for sure what the runaway protocol is in your area is to call the non-emergency number for the local police and ask what they would do in this situation which can be done anonymously.

It is really great that you feel confident this new living situation will encourage your sobriety and be supportive while you work and finish school. These are all things that will certainly help your emancipation case. Although emancipation can be a long and difficult process and it is not a guarentee. We can't give you any absolute answers about what might help or hinder your petition as it is case to case and up to the discretion of a judge. If you call (800-786-2929) or chat with us (click the CHAT button on the homepage) we can look for legal aide resources in your area that can better address some of your legal concerns.

You can reach out again anytime if you want to talk more in detail about your situation and explore your options. We are here 24/7 to listen and help.

Good luck,
NRS

[Guest]

i don’t live in a physically abusive home but there are lots of moments where i do get hit and they are my fault. but my family is extremely toxic to me and only me really. i have a job working as a waitress and my friend told me her home is open to me and if i wanted i could move in. i know this could and would change if i ran away but i’m tired of my family and treating me like trash. i know i don’t have it rough but i just can’t stay here it’s been mentally affecting me with school and my social life i can’t take this anymore.

[ccsmod3]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. It seems you want to know some information on runaway laws.
While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

My son
so my son is 16 and no longer wishes to live with his grandparents. He want to come and live with me. I am his mother and had given custody to his grandparents when he was about 7. I did this because he loved his grandparents and they had threatened to take me to court. At age 7 I did not feel as though he deserves to witness that kind of a battle, also I was a young single mother and I felt as if they could provide him with things I could not. Over the years he has suffered irreversible emotional trauma and health risks. They say things not from a place of love and discipline but instead seek to discipline and hurt feeling by attacking emotionally. They never
made him eat properly or do his school work so his grades all through school also suffered. He is afraid of how they may react upon me filing custody papers but does not wish to be there. What do I do

[ccsmod15]

Hi,

Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We understand the difficulty of your situation, and commend you for seeking help.

It sounds like you plan to file custody papers to regain custody of your son, but that you worry about the grandparents’ reaction to this. We are not legal experts here, but it is our understanding that you may attempt to regain custody of your child at any time. This may be unfavorable for the current guardians, but this would not have any effect on the court order. It sounds like you regaining custody would be favorable for your son, and that may help your case.

If you are interested in talking over the situation further, we would be happy to speak to you over the phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY. However, because our scope of legal knowledge is limited, we might recommend legal aid resources in your area.

We wish you the best of luck on your journey. Stay safe and stay strong.
Sincerely,
NRS

[Guest]

I don't live in a abusive home yet it's still toxic. My parents do hit me sometime for no reason but they claim it is just playing around. My parents get upset with me over little things like not doing chores before work, but my brother is always let of the hook when he never cleans the house when he is told. I'm forced to do my chores and his as well. My parents also take money out of my paycheck claiming I have to pay rent. I only get $200 each month to live on which always gets runs out. I've been wanting to move out for some time because it has impacted my health and I think I could do it. I've been saving a bunch of my paychecks and also looking into houses. My boyfriend has been helping me with this as well. Is this really a good idea though?

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are here to help you 24/7. It sounds like you are living in a stressful environment. You deserve to live in a safe and supportive home. You didn’t mention your age, but it sounds like you may be under 18 and contemplating running away from home? If so, here is some general advice about leaving home.

The easiest way to leave home is with your parents’ permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your parents. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering. If you are old enough to legally leave home but don’t know how to go about it, we can provide more information to help you.

We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

Be safe,

NRS

[Guest]

I’m a 17 year old teen mom and my mom is being way to toxic and controlling of my child what would it take to move out and in with the father of my child and also would i be able to take my things.

[ccsmod8]

Hello there –

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline on our public forum. We are always here to listen and here to help in any way that we can.

Now we aren't legal experts here and you might have already read on this forum thread about what could happen if you were to leave home before the age of majority. So we won’t get into that since you can find it fairly easily. They might not spend too much resources and time trying to locate you in order to bring you back home. We haven't heard of anyone being dragged away by the police. From what we hear is that they can ask you to come home and nothing else, but like we said we can't say for sure that is how even officer is going to respond.

If you have a specific question that you can't find the answer to on any of these threads or maybe find a place to vent about what you are feeling right now, you can always call us. It’s hard to talk to just anyone one about what has been going on.

Best of luck!

[Guest]

I don't live in a abusive house but my parents keep kicking me out of my house and Im only 15. Can I runaway to my other family down south passing the border ???

[ccsmod15]

Thank you for reaching out the National Runaway Safeline! Sounds as if you’re having a rough go of it at home right now and we're sorry to hear about it. While the world is a little crazy now, someone your age getting kicked out of your house is not appropriate but it’s good to know that you feel that your living situation isn’t abusive.

Running away is a fairly serious thing to do whether you are going 2 miles, crossing state lines or passing thru the border. Coming in to the US or going out of the US will require written certification, and is approved on a limited basis because of the pandemic. If your family down south is willing to take you in, that’s something you and your parents will likely have to work on so that the appropriate paperwork is completed so your move could go smoothly. At NRS, our hope is to provide you with other alternatives that would perhaps help you remain at home or at least in a safe environment and not on the streets wondering where you will sleep, get food and stay safe. We have a number of resources in our database that could provide you and your parents with family counseling, or at least a local shelter place to contact should you find yourself getting kicked out again.

In order to better assist you, perhaps you will consider either reaching out via out chat connection or via phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). Both chat and our phones are available 24/7 so there’s always someone for you to connect with. A chat or a call would allow us to gather a little more information from you and provide you with some options on how to deal with the situation you’re in.

Again, thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline!

[Guest]

Hello I’m a 16 year old male in Colorado I have been dealing with a very toxic household and I’m looking for a way out of this house legally without running away I am already a habitual run away and I don’t want to get in trouble legally because I keep running away and my mother has a misdemeanor pending and I need to see a way out of this house my mom won’t let me go with my dad and he can’t do anything because he doesn’t have custody we were thinking maybe a emergency custody switch or emancipation but we don’t know how difficult those things are to do there is a lot more to this story but im just seeing if it’s difficult to do either of those.

[ccsmod1]

Hello,

We appreciate you reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear that you are dealing with a toxic household and we recognize that it takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out for help in this situation. It is a huge step for you to try something new, as you mentioned having run away habitually in the past. We would be happy to talk with you about the situation further, where we can gain a better understanding of the situation and hopefully gain the chance to provide you with the appropriate resources. We see that you mentioned you are in Colorado, which is helpful for us. However, we could provide you with even closer resources by talking with you and learning what city you are in as well. Legal matters may vary based on states and though we are not legal experts, we could provide you with resources to contact for those type of questions as well.

We empower you to remain patient and strong in the meantime while searching for a solution. Please do not hesitate to reach out to us for a further conversation through our chat portal online at www.1800runaway.org or by calling us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. Please note that we operate on a 24/7 basis, so there is always somebody available to talk with you. If you find yourself in immediate danger or at risk of being in danger, please refer to 911 as your main point of contact. We look forward to hearing from you and having the opportunity to brainstorm solutions for you.

Stay safe and healthy,
NRS

[Guest]

I need out of this house. My parents tell me I'm ********ing up their lives and their marriage

[ccsmod10]

We're here to help however you need. We are certain that you are trying your best in the circumstances you're in, and it's not fair or deserved for your parents to blame those things on you.

We can help explore options if you decide you need to leave home. We can also discuss ways to make life at home more bearable.

You are worthy of having people who listen to you and support you-- we are here to do that. Live chat us at 1800runaway.org or call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY and we can discuss more specific details of your situation. Both options are available 24/7, and are 100% confidential.

[Guest]

I'm not in a physically abusive home, but it is certainly a toxic environment that is affecting school and everyday life. I currently have a stable well-paying job, but due to cost of living in my hometown it'd be stupid to stay

[ccsmod16]

Hi there,

We hope this message finds you well.  It sounds like you’ve been reflecting on the fact that there are many things to consider if you decide to leave home as a minor.  It’s great that you have a job to support yourself.  Since you have a job emancipation might be one option.

There may be consequences to leaving home without permission since you are a minor.  You can also stay with another friend or family member, although your mother still would technically have to give permission.  The parents of whom you want to stay with communicating with your mother may help the situation.

Despite both of these things, leaving home is a big step. It sounds like you've tried different things to help your home situation, but reflect on if you are going from a bad situation to a worse one.
You can contact us for more detailed assistance at anytime if needed. We hope to hear from you soon to discuss this further. We are available 24/7 at 1-800-runaway or via a live chat through this website www.1800runaway.org. 
Sincerely, NRS.

[Guest]

I live in Colorado, I’m a 16 year old female. I'm not in a physically abusive home, but it is certainly a toxic environment. I feel like I’m draining everyday. I really wanna get out of this house hold but running away would cause my mom call the police and I don’t want my record to be messed up because of that. If I was to get permission to leave how would I go about taking action with that so I could leave?

[ccsmod10]

We're sorry to hear that you've been in a draining, toxic environment, but glad to hear that you are looking out for yourself by contacting us. It's true that if you ran away your mom could call police-- you wouldn't go to jail, and it wouldn't necessarily permanently mar your record. However, they would try to return you home.

If you got permission to leave from a parent/legal guardian, you would have more options. If you live chat us (1800runaway.org) or call us (1-800-RUNAWAY) we can talk specifics based on your location and situation, but some might including staying with other family, or a long-term youth shelter. There is also a legal process you can engage in called emancipation, which would legally give you the right to live independently, even if you are under 18.

You do not have to figure this out on your own; we are here to help as best we can every step of the way.

[Guest]

I am a 16 year old female living in colorado springs with my dad and his family. I'm not in a physically abusive home but it is a toxic environment. My dad and his family says that my sister and I are not enough and that we are too stupid and we make poor choices. He has also made it so I wasn't allowed to leave the house for anything at all and I'm not allowed to drive myself, he had driven me to school and back and he keeps and eye on me as if im going to do something. At first i wanted to go live with my mom but she has her boyfriend that gives off the impression that he beats her. My mom isnt any better than my dad and there are lots of things i havent said but I will not add anything else. My dad says not to do things when he has gone to jail for stealing money from the treasury when he was a police officer, he was also on probation for 3 years. He would not give me permission to live away from him even if I asked. My sister has already moved out because she is almost 19 now. I would like to go live with her if I am allowed to but my did will not allow me. If I leave and go live with her when she says I can could my dad potentially call the police if he asked me to come back to his house and I refuse? How much of a problem would that be and would my sister be involved if he could potentially call the police because of me?

[ccsmod11]

(If you are in danger for any reason, please call the police or go to your local emergency room.)

Hi there,
Thanks for reaching out to us about this. We appreciate the strength it took for you to reach out. It sounds like there's a lot going on at home, with your dad not treating you very well and preventing you from doing things and things not being much better with your mom. You deserve a home that is safe and supportive and we're so sorry to hear this is the case, and we're on your side as you try to work through this.

To answer your question, different states have different laws for when you can live on your own without a parent's permission. We aren't legal experts, but in some states this is 17 and some states this is 18. Since you're 16, generally if you leave home without his permission he is within his right to file a runaway report which does mean the police will find you and bring you home. Although you wouldn't get in any trouble with the law, there is the potential that your sister could be charged with harboring a runaway which is a criminal charge. Since you are pretty close to 17/18, some officers might not choose to pursue the case.

To find out how your local police might react, you might consider calling their non-emergency line to ask how they might handle a case like yours without giving away personal details. Then you will have the information you need to make the right choice to go forward.

We would love to hear more about your story and give you more personalized guidance. The NRS is completely confidential and staffed with compassionate liners. We are here for support 24/7 via online chat or by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We hope to hear from you soon!

Good luck!
NRS