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16 y/o wanting to move to (technically former stepfather)

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  • 16 y/o wanting to move to (technically former stepfather)

    Hello, My name is Michael, im 16, I live in california, i have 2 half siblings, and 3 step siblings and ive been having alot of issues at home. Ive been living with my mother and stepdad for about 3 years after living with other family (grandparents, former stepfather / lets just call him dad) after my mom and dad got a divorce from a 10 year marriage about 5 years ago. I moved in with my mom when i was 13 voluntarily (i had been with both parents before the divorce) and honestly I was a handful of emotions. I am now 16 about to be 17 in may and im trying to figure out whats next for me. Im trying to graduate rn as im a junior and I also want to work on music and entrepreneurship but it seems my parents dont want to let me do anything apart from schooling. As of right now because of me having sold a few of my adderall (Prescribed) to a couple friends im not allowed to leave my room unless to use the restroom or eat, im not allowed to eat dinner with the rest of the family, im not allowed to speak to the younger ones, stepdad doesnt talk to me but when he does its an order or its criticism, and its an all around negative environment. My dad on the other hand, has always been kind and understanding to me and my 2 siblings who are his (i am not his blood but hes raised me since i was 1 with my mom and even has my name and my siblings names tattooed on his arm) A few reasons to compare why i want to move: My brother and sister live with him whom i grew up with - my brother is about to be a freshman in HS and im going to be a senior and i want to spend my last year with him because weve been daydreaming about that since we were kids - I feel there are many more opportunities for me where he lives (my actual hometown, my mother left him, took us and moved 2 states over but we (siblings and I) were forced to come back to him because the custody case is in our hometown) - My Mother and stepdad have both been emotionally and physically abusive (only my mother ever hit me but both threatened and made me feel like ********) - my dad is having a kid with his girlfriend and I wanna be apart of my little brothers life, shes also actually very nice and patient, loving and encouraging toward us - I just dont feel loved or anywhere near important where i live now and i want to start over and get closer to my dad but i dont wanna make my mom have a breakdown cuz she has emotional issues of her own like anger, self image, suicide, and i love her so much but i dont want to be near all that negativity.

  • #2
    Hi Michael,
    Thank you so much for reaching out to us here at NRS. We are very glad you reached out to us and appreciate your bravery with sharing a little bit about what has been going on. We truly care about you and it sounds like you are in a tough situation at home and we are here to listen and brainstorm some ideas. We are going to talk about a few options and if you want to talk further don’t hesitate to reach back out to us here over the phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat us on our website 1800runaway.org.

    It sounds like home hasn’t been the safest place for you as you shared. You do not deserve to be called names and hit. If you haven’t explored it yet, reporting what has been going on is an option we can explore with you if you want. Reporting can have many outcomes and Child Protective Services tries to keep the youth’s interests in mind and keep families together. Child Help (1-800-422-4453) is also a great resource to answer any questions as they are the National Child Abuse Hotline. If you do feel like you are unsafe at home or are being abused, as we are not here to define abuse, they can also talk about what reporting what is going on may look like or if you can report about what is going on. This is always something you can talk about with us as well if you are comfortable doing so. We are mandated reporters, meaning if you give us identifying factors like your full name, your mom/stepdad’s full name, addresses, etc. we would have to pass on what we know to Child Protective Services if you disclose anything about feeling abused. If you do not feel comfortable sharing that information and do not want a report made we can talk confidentially as we are now.
    It sounds like you have a great relationship with your dad and your siblings that you grew up with are a great support system and you shared you want to stay with them. We aren’t’ legal experts but since you are 17, your mom may still have custody over you which includes being responsible and choose where you live. If you do leave home to stay with your dad, your mom may file you as a runaway since you are under the general age of adulthood of 18. This means filing a runaway report with the police which is not illegal per say, but something called a status offense, like breaking curfew, and you won’t be arrested unless other circumstances are involved (unless you are on probation or have habitually ran away which may change things depending on the police department). The police may then try to find you and return you home, and you do have the right to tell the police about what has been going on at home if you do feel you are being abused/neglected. If you feel comfortable talking to the police, they would not want to bring you somewhere you feel unsafe and may investigate themselves or reach out to CPS. Since you are 17, it can vary if the police will take a runaway report or pursue one if they take it since you are going to be close to 18. This can depend on each police department and reaching out to (or calling us to reach out on your behalf and ask questions you would want) your local police department and ask if they do take those reports for 17 year olds.

    We are very glad you reached out again and we appreciate your strength talking about what has been going on. We are always here 24/7 for you and can talk about anything we mentioned or explore other ideas as well. We hope to hear from you soon!

    Best, NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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    • #3
      Okay, thank you for your response. i have a school cop im cool with so ill see about talking to him, i actually got into school supported therapy because alot of my teachers suggested it so ill see how it goes. Im going to wait till the end of the school year to move, because i dont want to move right away during the middle of the semester and yeah so far my dad has been a great support system. Hes encouraged me to get into music and business and follow what i want to do.

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