17 1/2+ Graduate

[Unregistered]

I'm a 17-year-old Californian with a Certificate of Proficiency which gives me graduate status.

I lived with my mother from the age of 12 when she left my abusive father. She and I used to be very close until she and her boyfriend decided to have children. I know I'm being selfish but I felt betrayed. Perhaps because she asked my if I wanted a sibling then went on with it after I said I wouldn't enjoy one. Anyway, a lot of moving and family issues have occurred since then and we ended up with our own one-bedroom apartment with my mother, step-dad, his parents, and my two half-brothers. I got along well with the new baby, my step-dad, and my step-dad's parents. However, my continuously busy mother seemed to make up storied of how I was mistreating the baby (she even told family I hurt him) and that I was rude and disrespectful to my step-dad's parents (the only ones I could talk to during the day and overall wonderful people). The parents agreed with me that she was wrong about her accusations but it was all for naught. My mother kicked me out to live with my father.

School was rather frustrating for me. I started as an A student but experienced heavy bullying and back-to-back illnesses in Sophomore year. I was later enrolled in Emotional Difficulties as the school said I may have anxiety problems. I began to resent the school as I am just a regular kid not in need of the Special Needs brand. I honestly didn't want to go to school and I didn't much. When I started Junior year I transferred to online school. Problems at home lead to my family having to move with extended family when our plans to buy a house fell through. These family members were/are terrible people and were very unhelpful with our once great lives. A month into online school my aunt disabled the internet and ending my semester. I was unable to get back into public school until the semester ended. Then I was still troubled and missed excessive amounts of school. Finally, in Senior year, we moved out from their home and this is where the problems began again. My mother, step-dad, and I decided the CHSPE was the best option for me as I had been removed from A-G requirements and couldn't qualify for four-year anyway. So I took it and then my father stepped into my life again.

Thus begins the current problem. I genuinely dislike him. He heard I was doing poorly from family (thanks to my mom telling everyone her often exaggerated stories) and contacted my school to get information on me. He found my mother's phone number and pestered her incessantly. She must have seen it as an opportunity and sent me with him. Although I enjoy his new 'family,' I have no intentions of staying after turning 18 in late March. I'm officially a graduate and actually have the ability to sign myself out of High School because of that but I don't because my father is staunchly opposed to the idea of me starting college a semester early. I am even preparing to get a job through the ED program.

I could save a few thousand dollars by the time I'm 18 and hold a stable job. My great-grandmother has promised to help me and even set an insurance policy aside for me when I was born because I was her first great-grandchild. It'll add a few thousand to whatever I accumulate anyway. I have looked into apartments, community colleges, the cost of living, and I strongly believe I could leave home with a decent start. Maybe even before 18. I know the folly of doing so when I would have to wait a month or two but my disdain is far too strong for this person.

From what I understand, running away is a non-criminal offense? A status offense, if I'm correct, and there's a chance I could leave without his consent and manage to not be sent back. I don't want to tell him what I'm planning because I don't trust him with this information.

I am simply curious to see your response.

Thank you,

Unregistered

[ccsmod1]

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline! It sounds like your situation has developed over a long time and it has become a major drain on your energy and well being. It seems that you have worked hard through difficult circumstances and that’s to your credit. Anyone going through the kinds of things you’ve experienced would be having a hard time, and it’s good that you are reaching out for support!
First, you mentioned that your mother left your father and that he was abusive. Are you safe now? Our first priority is your personal safety, and if you are in an abusive or dangerous situation we are here for you, you don't deserve to be treated that way. If you are ever in danger you can call 911 and make sure you are safe before you do anything more.

It sounds like your dislike of your father is the main reason you are considering going, and that part of you thinks it is not a good idea to go when you are so near your 18th birthday. You might want to leave, or you might want to brainstorm other methods of reducing your stress during the time you have left before your birthday, or even take a fresh look at ways you could change your home environment so it doesn’t cause you as much stress. At the NRS, we have a lot of resources in our database that could help you accomplish these goals, and we also have trained operators who can help you talk out your facts, feelings, and options. No matter what direction you choose, we want you to know your options and be confident that your chosen path will help you.

Though we are not legal experts, we can say that for most locations leaving home is considered a status offense, and if you are interested in knowing more we can put you in contact with your local nonemergency police department. They are generally in a good position to answer questions on how things go in cases like yours.

We hope that this information gives you a good starting point. If you have further questions or would like to discuss your options in more detail, you can always give us a call (800-RUNAWAY) 24 hours a day or start a live chat with us during afternoon hours. Best of luck with your situation, and remember we are always here to help!

[Unregistered]

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline! It sounds like your situation has developed over a long time and it has become a major drain on your energy and well being. It seems that you have worked hard through difficult circumstances and that’s to your credit. Anyone going through the kinds of things you’ve experienced would be having a hard time, and it’s good that you are reaching out for support!
First, you mentioned that your mother left your father and that he was abusive. Are you safe now? Our first priority is your personal safety, and if you are in an abusive or dangerous situation we are here for you, you don't deserve to be treated that way. If you are ever in danger you can call 911 and make sure you are safe before you do anything more.

It sounds like your dislike of your father is the main reason you are considering going, and that part of you thinks it is not a good idea to go when you are so near your 18th birthday. You might want to leave, or you might want to brainstorm other methods of reducing your stress during the time you have left before your birthday, or even take a fresh look at ways you could change your home environment so it doesn’t cause you as much stress. At the NRS, we have a lot of resources in our database that could help you accomplish these goals, and we also have trained operators who can help you talk out your facts, feelings, and options. No matter what direction you choose, we want you to know your options and be confident that your chosen path will help you.

Yes, he isn't nearly as bad now that he's stopped drinking. I've thought of many things but I'm still completely uncertain of what will come next. It's made more difficult by the fact that I'm still enrolled in High School due to my father's dismissal of my CHSPE results. Even though I'm done and enrolled for college he is keeping me in the school. The semester is coming soon and without being dis-enrolled
I will likely fail these classes as I was so confident I'd not have to finish the semester.

Now, my mother is saying she may take me back. This situation is becoming too complicated for me and I don't know what will happen in the coming months. I am now beginning to fear what will happen when I turn 18 as I have no friends to go to and I may not be able to return to either parent.

I was receiving help from a psychologist before I came to live with my father and no longer have that luxury. I can tell I've regressed from the better state I was in before coming here. It may be apparent but I am absolutely lost and feel helpless. My goals, guide, and plan were disrupted and I just don't know what to do.

[ccsmod15]

Re: 17 1/2+ Graduate

Hi again,

Thanks for reaching out again. We’re glad to hear that seeing a psychologist helped you in the past and it’s unfortunate that resource is no longer available to you. In many areas there are counseling services for little to no cost that would not need insurance or your father’s permission. If you give us a call, one of our liners can search through our database to see if there is something like that in your area if you feel that’s something you would benefit from.

It definitely does sound like a complicated situation and it is unfair that you have had to deal with this for so long. It sounds like you have some good goals and ideas about continuing your education and getting a job to support yourself, which is very commendable. Unfortunately, we are not very familiar with CHSPE or if it will rule out any failed classes at your current high school. Perhaps reaching out to a teacher or administrator at your school about your situation would be helpful. Hopefully somebody there would be understanding and be able to provide you with some solid answers on the matter. Either way, it has still got to be a very frustrating situation since you have already worked so hard to get your proficiency certificate, and we’re sorry that your father isn’t recognizing that.

It’s understandable that you feel lost and helpless, but we want you to know that we are here for you whether you just need to talk, want to walk through a plan with us, or need any resources. By giving us a call or chat we would be able to find you more specific resources to your area if you think that would be helpful to you. You have already come so far and accomplished so much despite everything that you’ve had to go through. You deserve nothing but the best, and we would be more than happy to help you reach success. Keep your head up! Best of luck and we hope to hear from you soon.
Best,
NRS