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I want to live with my father but my mother has custody.

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  • ccsmod15
    replied
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. It sounds like the situation between your mom and dad has been difficult for you. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe,
    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Im wanting to move in with my dad but i havent seen him since i was 6 and he has previous charges for drug use and abuse but my mother wont let me see him even though hes out of prison and is getting clean but my mother is absent most the time either at her boyfriends or work i rarely see her anymore and when i do it seems like shes alwas yelling at me for something and its as if nothing i do for her is good enough and recently i asked to see my dad once again and she yelled saying "he will fill your head with lies and if he wanted to see you he would be around" and yet yesterday she admitted theyve been texting for years but she still refuses to let me see him she doesnt know i wish to move in with him but i know his parents address but i dont have any contact with his family because of her and i barely have any contact with anyone because she doesnt let me

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  • ccsmod7
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there, please see our response to your similar post:

    "Hi there, thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you are feeling like you are treated like lesser than your siblings bu your mom, and you are having your privacy violated at home. That must be pretty overwhelming, and it's understandable that you are thinking about moving in with your dad. Here at NRS, we truly want to be a support for you during this difficult time.

    We are not legal experts, but legally speaking your dad could possible try to get custody of you if he takes your mom to court, since she is not agreeing to you staying with him. If you haven't already, you might try to ask your dad about how much custody he has of you and whether or not him going to court for custody could be an option.

    It must be frustrating that your mom is not listening to you when you are asking for some privacy. You might try to include someone else on the conversation like a grandparent or family member if you need help conveying how you are feeling to your mom. You deserve to be heard. Here at NRS, we can facilitate a conference call with you and your mom if you would like a safe space to express your feelings. We can also look for family counseling resources if you are interested in trying to talk to an expert about communication issues at home. Please call or chat us for those resources (1-800-786-2929; www.1800runaway.org).

    Please do not hesitate to call or chat us if you ever need.

    Best,

    NRS"
    Last edited by ccsmod7; 01-22-2021, 10:02 PM.

  • ccsmod7
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there, thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you are feeling like you are treated like lesser than your siblings bu your mom, and you are having your privacy violated at home. That must be pretty overwhelming, and it's understandable that you are thinking about moving in with your dad. Here at NRS, we truly want to be a support for you during this difficult time.

    We are not legal experts, but legally speaking your dad could possible try to get custody of you if he takes your mom to court, since she is not agreeing to you staying with him. If you haven't already, you might try to ask your dad about how much custody he has of you and whether or not him going to court for custody could be an option.

    It must be frustrating that your mom is not listening to you when you are asking for some privacy. You might try to include someone else on the conversation like a grandparent or family member if you need help conveying how you are feeling to your mom. You deserve to be heard. Here at NRS, we can facilitate a conference call with you and your mom if you would like a safe space to express your feelings. We can also look for family counseling resources if you are interested in trying to talk to an expert about communication issues at home. Please call or chat us for those resources (1-800-786-2929; www.1800runaway.org).

    Please do not hesitate to call or chat us if you ever need.

    Best,

    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hello i am 14, I've been wanting to live with my dad for a long time now. My parents split up before i was the age of 1. I have always lived with my mother. But my dad knows me m a lot more. He understands, respects, and loves me a lot more then my mother does. I have asked to live with my dad about 5 times now and every time i do she tells me no and then ground me because i asked. I asked her a week ago again and then she grounded me for a month. I have been emailing my father and he knows that i want to be with him and not here. I have 2 other siblings and they get treated like kings and queens. Every time my mother looks at me all i see is hate. She doesn't even look at me like a daughter. She won't let me in the living room. My older sister treats me horrible and my mother doesn't do anything about it but my father does. what do i do? I'm not happy in the house i live in now. I am going through depression right now and my mother doesn't care she doesn't get me the help i need. At my mothers house we are not that wealthy and i'm fine with it but i need out of here.
    Last edited by ccsmod7; 01-22-2021, 09:57 PM. Reason: identifying info

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I want to live with my father but my mom said no. He lives in a different state. I love my mother with all my heart. But she makes my life 1000x harder then it needs to be for me. I have to other siblings and they get treated like kings and queens. I have talked to her about this about 5 times and every time she blows it off and thinks i'm joking. When i tell her I'm not she gets mad and she stats yelling at me. My father knows i want out of here. I got grounded for about a month because i asked her. I'm not happy in the home I'm in and i am always happy with my dad because he understands me and we have a better bond with each other. I don't want to block my mother out of my life. But I don't want to be in the home i'm in. I have no privacy here. She comes in the room while I'm changing, taking a shower, using the restroom, and a lot more. I have talked to her and asked her to stop. But she just doesn't listen to me. what do i do?

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  • ccsmod8
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi,

    Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline today. We’re sorry to hear that you are in a situation which is having a negative impact on how you are feeling. This is such a difficult time, and you are wise to understand how important your mental health is. While we are not legal experts, we can tell you that some states have emancipation statutes which allow for someone under the age of majority (this is usually 18 ) to gain independence from their legal guardians. If you want to give us a call or visit us on a digital chat, we can discuss how this works in your particular state and give you some legal resources which may help. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), and our chat function is available through our website, www.1800runaway.org. Both are open 24 hours a day/7 days a week.

    If you are comfortable talking with your grandparents about how you’re feeling, you could consider asking if you might be able to stay with your dad for a little while, just to see how things go. This could give you a break and, maybe, give them confidence in this arrangement.

    Please know that we are here to listen and to do all we can. If you can contact us via phone or chat we will do our best to help. We hope to hear from you soon.

    Take care.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    hello, i am 16 and i want to go live with my dad. my grandparent are too old and way to strict with things and its hard for me to be at a good mental state how can that happen?

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  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello there,
    Thank you so much for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a difficult situation and we want you to know that you are not alone.

    We are sorry to hear that you do not like your living situation, and it is understandable to want to live with your dad. One option to consider would be talking with your dad about how you are feeling and asking him if he would allow you to live with him. That way you can see if that would even be an option for you. If he does allow you to live with him your next steps could be talking with your mom and seeing if she would allow you to also live with him. If living with your dad is not an option you could consider talking with a school counselor about what you are going through. Sometimes talking to someone can help you and they would be able to provide you with options .

    We hope that this information will be helpful to you in your situation if you have any more questions or would like to explore your options you can reach out to us. We are here by phone or by chat 24/7. Bet of luck!
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    My mom and dad have split custody over me. I´m 12, gonna be 13, and I want to live with my dad. I see him every other weekend and I am with my mom the rest of the time. My mom is married to my stepdad. He blames me and gets me in trouble all the time. He makes up lies about me for no reason. My mom also makes me do all the chores around the house. She even sometimes makes me fold her own laundry. I want to tell my mom that I want to live with my dad, but I'm afraid that my dad will say no because he works every day except for Sundays, which means I will have nobody to watch me during the day. I don´t know what to do. Should I tell my mom, should I talk to my dad about it first, or should I just keep quiet and don´t say anything? Please answer my question quickly, I'm already grounded and can't´ do anything but schoolwork and chores.

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  • ccsmod9
    commented on Guest's reply
    First of all, thank you for reaching out to NRS today. It was a very brave thing to do. We are sorry your mom is treating you in a way that makes you feel stressed and not good about yourself. It may be helpful to get a bit more information about who has custody over you. One option could be to ask either your mom or dad the details on the custody information. You mentioned that you dad used to be addicted to alcohol. One hotline you can reach out to is "SAMHSA" at 1-800-662-4357. They deal with alcohol addiction within the family. This may help teach your mom more about how your dad’s past addiction and learn more about it yourself. One service that we offer here at NRS is something called a conference call. You reach out on our hotline, give us a little background of what is going on, and then ask to have a conference call allowing you to speak to your mom with the support of one of our liners. They will be able to mediate the conversation and allow you to talk to your mom that way. It might be a great way to talk about what you are going through and where this feelings might be coming from or to maybe build on your relationship and make it better. Something constructive so that it certainly opens the lines of communication, but that service is completely up to you. If you wanted to, you could also include your dad in this conference call to talk to them both at once. Lastly, you can use our chat service to have a more in depth conversation and explore a few more resources. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY and our website is https://www.1800runaway.org. We are here 24/7 and always ready to listen so do not hesitate to contact us again. We are so glad you reached out to us and know it is sometime difficult to ask for help.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi i guess. I’m currently 14 and am Turing 15 in about a little over a month. And I’m pretty sure my mom has custody over me. I’m also with my mom for most of the time and visit my dad every other weekend. My parents divorced when I was about 2. Ive wanted to move in with my dad probably since i was 9 or 10. But as of recently staying with my mom has brought me a lot of stress and i feel as if she treats me unfair upon my other 2 siblings. She yells at me for the littles things and calls me names which makes me feel really poorly about myself. I love my mom i just need a break from the stress. Ive also asked her before when i was younger if i could move in with my dad since he is all alone by himself for pretty much the whole year expect the times I’m with him(which is very little), but every time she says no. But I’m older now and can hold more responsibility than before. My dad truly is a good person, he also use to yell at me for the smallest things but that was when he was addicted to alcohol. He is changed now and is now longer addicted. I also carry a much stronger connection with my father. i don’t know what i should do.

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello,
    Thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry that things at home with your mom have been so challenging. It sounds like you would like to explore whether living with your dad is an option for you, but you have a lot of concerns regarding how your mom would handle that discussion. We can do our best to help you explore options.

    You mentioned earlier that it has been difficult for your mom to hear you when you tell her that you need to change the way things are going with school and activities. If possible, consider reaching out to an adult that you trust, like a teacher or a family friend, who can help you approach your mom and possibly help mediate a conversation to help her understand your concerns. We can help act as a mediator over the phone if you do not have an adult that you think might be able to help. If you are considering living with your dad, it may help to talk to him about your desire to live with him. He would have a better idea of how to proceed if you discuss how long you would like to live with him so that he can figure out if he can petition for a change in the custody agreement. Knowing what he may or may not be able to do can help you figure out the best approach to take with your mom. If you would like to discuss your situation further, please feel free to give us a call.

    Whatever you decide, know that we are here for you. We cannot tell you what to do, but we will do our best to help you stay safe regardless of what you decide to do. You can reach us 24/7 by phone at 1.800.RUNAWAY (786.2929) or by chatting with us at www.1800runaway.org . We are here to listen, here to help. Stay safe!
    -NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    im 15 and im scared to even bring up the question to go live with my dad because i think i would make her more upset but shes made life miserable by taking my phone wont let go any where only sometimes and she keeps me doing things like i dont even have a say like i like football but after that she tries to keep me in more sports but i cant keep up with my grades and its putting so my stress on me because then she get angry that im failing and ive tried to tell her that i need to take a break on things so i can keep my grade up but shes not listening and she has to deal with my little brother who has hes own problems so its to the point i just rather live my dad also i only see him every other weekend and he gets me on the summers i just more time with him before its too late and i go to college ive lived with my mom my whole life and i fell like i want a change

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline! It sounds like you’re going through a lot right now at home. It can take a lot of courage to reach out to others for help, so we’re glad you reached out to look for options and talk to us about what’s going on. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your mom, and you do care about each other. Have you considered or tried having a conversation with her about living with your dad? Or, if you talk to your dad, would you feel more comfortable having a conversation with him first? We know that this can be a difficult thing to do, so it might be helpful to write a letter to your parents about how you’re feeling. You could mention some of what you told us about how you do love your mom and you see her trying to support you and your sisters, but how you feel about wanting to live with your dad. If this option doesn’t work for you, you can always call us and we can do a conference call with you. This would be a three-way call with you, your parent, and us, and sometimes this is helpful to keep the conversation calm and focused.
    Another option is to talk to a lawyer that specializes in family law about this. If either one of your parents has a lawyer they could talk to them, too. We’re not legal experts, but they may be more familiar with your situation and be able to help. Again, thanks for reaching out to the NRS. It takes a lot of strength ask for help, and it’s great to see your taking steps to help keep yourself safe and working towards your goals. If you’d like to talk about your situation further, we’re always here 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY, or you can chat with us on our website. We wish you the best of luck! NRS
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