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I want to live with my father but my mother has custody.

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  • #76

    i live with my mom and her boyfriend they have 2 kids together and yesterday my mom told me theres the front door. she has hit me multiple times becuase yesterday i was playing a game with my stepbrother where we had to see who could make the bigger fire and the tree got caught on fire. yes it was stupid and i get that but she has hit me before when i didn't do anything. before this i used to live with my grandma and my sister and we had the best life now i have to live with my stepdad who punced me and hit me 2 times and i cant live with my dad because hes in jail in arizona and im in california and yesterday my mom told me theres the front door so i packed my bad and then my stepdad got involved and i hate living here. i told my mom that he hit me and she laughed. we used to have the best relationship before my stepdad moved into the picture, my mom used to be an adult dancer in las vegas but we had to move to cali to live with him and it is like living a nightmare. please help me i have my bag packed and i was wondering if she tells me theres the front door and i take my bag full of stuff my grandparents or aunt or uncle or anyone bought me am i allowed to live with my grandma on my dads side. my grandma has visitation rights but my mom took them away from me i want to have them back but she wont let me please help me i cant live like this. my grandma is fully capable of taking care of me she works at kaiser and makes enough money, my mom doesn't like her but i dont care she is my light and part of my world please get back to me asap

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,
      Thank you for reaching out, it seems like you have been through a lot of physical trauma since you left your grandma’s house. It makes sense to have consequences for poor decisions, but they shouldn’t involve physical violence or yelling. Your mom and step-dad hitting you is not ok and it may constitute abuse.
      If you want more information about child abuse and reporting you can go to childhelp.org for more information or options you have. As for leaving for another family member’s house, if you are not yet 18 in most states then your mom could file a runaway report on you. Its possible that police if they listened to your reasons for leaving would take your side but they are supposed to make you go home. Usually if a parent tells you to leave police are less likely to force you home later that same day. If your parents try to physically force you out of the house that is a form of neglect and you can call 911 if things get physical.
      We hope this information helps you moving forward, if you have more questions or just need someone to vent to we are always here on the phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

  • #77
    So my mom and real dad were never married. A few years ago my mom gained full custody of me. My dad treated me pretty good for the most part. He would take me to places I like and bought me stuff. But sometimes he was a little drunk so he was really mean. Now I live with my mom. I honestly hate living here. I have stuff I like but I don’t feel loved and I’m always scared that if I’ll do something wrong she’ll take away my good clothes and will be extremely mean to me. She also only believes and thinks what she wants. She is also deeply depressed and I feel she takes it out on me sometimes.
    So 2 years ago I asked when I get to visit my dad. ( she still has full custody ) and she instantly said nonononono you’re never going there until I’m 18. But he treats me so much better than her. He got married this summer and got a better job so he’s doing good. He lives in Alaska but we live in Idaho. I just really want to live with him and the rest of his side of the family there in Alaska. I don’t know if it is legal because I am a minor and my mom has full custody.

    Comment


    • ccsmod4
      ccsmod4 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi,
      Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline.

      It sounds like you are in a tough situation and may be looking for some options to help cope with all that has been going on.
      It sounds like at times it can be frustrating living with your mother. It’s never easy watching someone go through tough emotional times and feeling caught in the middle of it.
      It is important to exercise self–care during a difficult time.
      It can be hard transitioning to a new place while not being allowed to stay connected in some way with people you are close to. It sounds like there were some issues living with your dad but you feel good about him and the way you were treated. We understand how complex legally the situation is.

      NRS is here to listen and here to help.
      We would like you to know we are here to support you at this difficult time.
      Sometimes having a space to vent and explore options may often bring out a solution previously not thought of. If you would like to talk more about your situation, please call or chat soon.

      Let us know how we might help, please contact us at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) orwww.1800Runaway.org (live chat).

      Take care,
      NRS

  • #78
    I live with my mom my parents never were married but i dont know what too do my mom acts like she doesn't care about me i want too live with my dad because he is really sweet and he always tells me he loves me but he lives with his friend and there both men and i dont know what to do I really want too live with him because not trying too effend my mom but he is better i love him more and there is a reason. My mom has three kids and I am the middle ever since i was born my mom said her life was screwed up. My dad would have too send me too my grandmas but i dont mind i can stay there. As long as im far away from my mom but if i t ell her she will probibly try and tell me its not my choice. My mom tries too act like im stupid because im the child with the good grades and the kid that does all the chores. And bella her yougest is chubby and snobby and she loves her. But can i do that right now and if my mom tells me i cant who do i tell should I text the police? Or what but if she wont let me i need too tell someone can you pls answer I need some help

    Comment


    • ccsmod4
      ccsmod4 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello,
      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

      We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing your situation with us. It sounds like you’re feeling that you are less cared for at home with your mother and that possibly living with dad or your grandmother would be a better situation for you.

      We understand things can start to feel overwhelming and frustrated.
      We are sorry you are going through a tough emotional time.
      Sometimes when things are too stressful it might help to talk with someone about it.
      Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of.

      NRS is here to listen and here to help.
      We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. If you would like to talk more about your situation and let us know how we might help, please call or chat soon.

      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
      Reaching out to NRS to day was a very courageous thing to do. Good job.

      Take care,
      NRS

  • #79
    I’ve lived with my mom for basically my whole life since my parents got divorced when i was young. I’m 17 now, and when i tried to tell my mom that I want to live with my dad last night, she told me no. My mom has been emotionally abusive in the past and although our relationship is better than it was, I still think it would be best for my mental health if i lived with my father. My mom has custody of me. Would she take legal action if I just packed my stuff and left tomorrow? In my opinion, the only reason she even told me no was so she still had someone to babysit my 9 year old sister(she has a different dad btw). I’ve always had respect for my mom and i have always been grateful for the things she’s done for me. The people in my life are telling me they’re proud that i’m leaving, but i’m scared that she will call the cops and possibly report me as a runaway and arrest my dad for ‘harboring a runaway’. Do you guys think leaving tomorrow is a good idea?

    Comment


    • ccsmod8
      ccsmod8 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello there –

      Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline on our public forum. Hopefully by helping you and giving you support in your crisis, there are many other youth in your situation that can also be helped. No one deserves to be treated that way at all. It’s great and really brave of you that you were able to reach out for help and try to get removed from that situation. It can be really hard to reach out to report abuse or even talk about what has been going on at home because of what could happen.

      Unfortunately, we can’t tell you what to do because you know your situation better than anyone else or even what your mother would do. That is something that is pretty impossible to answer. As you have probably read throughout out our threads here, that we aren’t legal experts and that the age of majority does vary from state to state. So we aren’t going to go through that with you as you can find it easily. We want to make sure that you are safe doing whatever you decided to do, it's certainly a jump step to make. Having a solid plan about what you are planning on doing it might be a good idea so that you can think about what is reasonably possible for you to do and want isn’t. Factoring in these kinds of thoughts into your overall plan, again can possibly help you in your choice.

      Hope to hear from you soon!

  • #80
    My dad has recently gotten a job 48 hours away from where we live I want to live with my dad but I don’t know how my mom with react I rlly want to be with him he notices me and has fun with me unlike my mom who completely ignores me but acts like she loves me around everyone else besides our family she shows favoritism to my sister and brother and I can’t stand it anymore I just want to be happy with my dad

    Comment


    • ccsmod3
      ccsmod3 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      We are glad you reached out to us. Unfortunately, we are not experts on legal matters, such as custody. These are questions that may be better answered by legal services or your by calling your local nonemergency police number. You can always call us, and we can help talk through your options. In this case, we would not be able to tell you how that custody agreement might work, but we could help you look up legal services as a way to help you find the answers to your questions.

      Best of luck,
      NRS

  • #81
    I’m 12 years old and I live with my mom my little sister and my moms boyfriend I go to my dads a lot now but I love it at my dads I’m always sad to leave. At my dads I’m way more happy they always spend time with me but at moms she’s always in her room smoking and I’m bored all day and sad. My dad tried to get Half custody of me but he lost when that was happening my mom would always scream at me and make me feel lonely. My mom always yells at me and screams at me sometimes she will grab me and push me she is very mean to me but my stepmom makes me happy. I just don’t know what to do because I’m so scared of telling my mom because she has like anger issues and I’m to scared so what should I do?

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for reaching out to NRS. It seems like you have been through a lot recently and that you feel like your dad’s house is a healthier place to be for your mental health. It sucks that your mom would take out her feelings on you when going through the custody battle, that isn’t how they should be acting. It’s understandable to want to stay at a house where you feel more cared for and supported.
      If you did want to live with your dad permanently he would need to have custody of you. Otherwise if you were to try and stay there your mom could file a runaway report and have you brought back to her. It might also end up preventing you from getting to visit your dad depending on the rules the court put in place. If you do want to pursue getting your dad full custody we do have legal aid resources that could potentially help out.
      If you have more questions or just need someone to vent to please reach out to our online chat, or call our hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

  • #82
    So I want to live with my father but my mother keeps making up lies like for example my young sister wants to live my dad but my mom said wait until she’s 13 but now my mother is saying 18 I’m currently 12 right now my mother doesn’t understand that we don’t wanna live with her I still remember the horrible things she did to me and my young sister but my mother doesn’t treat my half siblings like that my mom said she could live without me and my sister my mom also said to hurry and sign papers to live with my dad so I’m wondering how do u sign papers to live with another parent

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It sounds really frustrating to have your mom keep changing her mind about things and it's not fair tht she treats your half-siblings differently.

      It may be beneficial to speak with your dad directly about your desire to live with him. Sometimes custody transfers will need to go through the family court system and it may be beneficial to speak with a legal advocate. If you need help locating a legal aid group near you you can check out https://www.lawhelp.org/find-help/.

      If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

      Stay safe,
      NRS

  • #83
    Hi, um i’m twelve and my parents split when i was 2. the judge felt it was best for mom to have custody but i want to live with my dad now. I haven’t told either of my parents but i’ve taken multiple tests and all of them said i have moderate depression. I just don’t want to be that middle school girl that says she has depression. My mom stresses me out with my siblings, i feel like she thinks im fat, i’m 5’4 and she’s 5’2 so i think she feel like i need to be skinny if i’m taller. She also yells at me and me and my dad don’t have the best bond but it a better bond, so how do i get to live with my dad?

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,
      Thanks for reaching out to NRS, it seems like you are going through a confusing and difficult time right now and its understandable that you would feel like you want to live with a parent that is more supportive instead of one that stresses you out.
      If your dad doesn’t have partial custody of you then he will need to legally challenge for custody unless your mom gives permission for you to live with him. We do have legal aid resources available if you can reach out to our hotline directly.
      Another option that may be worth looking into is nami.org which is a mental health focused line. They may help you to determine if therapy is an option you want to consider, or if you have other options you could use to help cope with your feelings.
      The last option you would have is child abuse reporting if you feel like your mom’s actions constitute that. For more information on that you can check childhelp.org for more information. If you were to leave without your mom’s permission then she could file a runaway report even if you are safe with family. This means police would try and bring you home and your dad could potentially get in trouble as well.
      Hopefully you find these options helpful. If you have more questions, or just need someone to talk with you can always call our hotline at 1-800-786-2929, or us our online chat at 1800runaway.org.

  • #84
    I am 14 and live in washington with my mom and i visit my dad every weekend. I have been wanting to live with my dad for a while but everytime I bring it up me my mom, and my stepmom (lesbian mom) get into an argument and they try to tell me some of the bad things that he did during the beginning of the divorce in hopes to convince me that he is this big bad guy but he is not. My dad actually listens to me and tries to talk to talk to me if I have an issue with my mom or anything else. In the past roughly 3 years ago my mom has held me down in the shower and ran the shower on as cold as it would go with the water right on my face along with the drain plugged. after she told me to take a normal shower and I was forced to undress in front of both my stepmom and my real mom i was mabey 11-12. Since I have tried to forget about it but I don't know if this is really wrong or if it is normal for parents to give their children as my mom called it a "cold shower". Everytime I get upset at them or try to tell them my feelings about my dad they always say that my dad has been brainwashing me from a young age, I think that she is trying to push me away from him but it is only making us closer. I feel that she is trying to push me apart from him every chance she gets along with my counsler that sides with my mom no matter what she is Dr Kathy marshack you can google her and find her. I just want to live at my dads and see my mom less than I already do. I'll ask for some extra time and have been asking for some more time with him for the last 4 years and only gotten mabey 2 extra days with him. My dad is completely open with me living in his apartment with him and I used to live in the same town as him but my mom moved me to washington right after the 4th grade. My question is what my mom has been doing is wrong, and is is possible for me to live with my dad?

    Comment


    • ccsmod13
      ccsmod13 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      Thank you for taking the time to share a bit about your situation with us here at NRS. It was very brave of you to reach out for help in this situation and it was a good first step to getting any support you may need. It sounds like your dad has been a great listener when it comes to how you are feeling and what your needs are, so it's understandable you would want to spend more time with him. You deserve to be treated with respect and to feel supported. From what you mentioned your mom and step mom have been making you feel uncomfortable and their behaviors are taking a toll on your mental health. Parents are supposed to make you feel cared for and wanted, so it is not okay that they are making you feel this way.

      To answer your question about living with your dad it could be possible, but it might be a bit challenging. If your mom has primary custody then she gets to decide where you spend your time outside of your dad's visitation times. The easiest way to live with your dad would be with your mom's permission. The other way would be for your dad to re-work your living arrangements either directly through your mom or through the courts. A helpful start would be to talk with your dad about what this might look like for you and if he can help getting your mom's permission in any way. You can contact us directly by phone or chat if you want to talk more about in depth about this.

      Having a support system to lean on during difficult times is really important. We want to encourage you to check-in with yourself on how you are doing emotionally and reach out anyone who might be a good listening ear. This could be other family members, a teacher or counselor at school, a therapist, or another adult you trust.

      We truly want to be a support for you as you decide on your next steps. We are available 24/7 to listen and help as much as possible. Please do not hesitate to reach out again by phone or chat if you would like to talk more in-depth about your situation and explore your options. You can contact us by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or use our live chat services at www.1800runaway.org.

  • #85
    Hi I`m only 10 and i want to live with my dad but went to jail when i was a month old so my mom has full custody over me but i don`t like it here and want to move in with my dad if she found out i was filling this out would get in big trouble so i need help

    Comment


    • ccsmod2
      ccsmod2 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello There,
      Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time, and we want you to know you are not alone.
      It must be tough to want to live with your dad not being able to. One option to consider is asking yur mother if you can visit your dad, that way you can get a break and be able to see your dad. There also may be a reason you are unable to see or live with your dad, you could try asking your mom why you can’t see your dad. Also you could consider talking with a counselor about what you are going through. You could talk to your mom about setting up an appointment.
      We hope that this information will be helpful to you. If you have any other questions or would like to explore options please chat with us or call us. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide support. Best of luck!
      NRS

  • #86

    My mother has full custody of me and my dad has visitation rights. I would like to move to my dads because my mother breaks the visitation times and only lets me go to his house when she wants me to. I will be 17 in a few months, and I feel like the home environment at my dads would be better for me. My mother has hit and slapped me on several occasions and done rude and cruel things to me a couple times when she was drunk and told me not to tell. My brother has had drug issues for a while now and is going to a mental hospital, and she has been depressed for years and takes it out on me. The worst is my mother constantly calls me names and yells at me, examples are, "whore", "**********", "slut", as well as telling me that I am an awful person. My Dad and me share a much better relationship and he has never done any of this to me. He is taking her to court but this could take forever to change, what else can I do.

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. Your mom's behavior is unacceptable and you deserve to be safe in your own home.

      You mentioned some things about hitting and slapping and alluded to cruel things when she's drunk and this raises some concern about your safety. If you are currently at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. A CPS agent may possibly expedite the process of you staying with your dad.

      If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      Stay safe,
      NRS

      We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

  • #87
    Hi I would love to move to my dad my mom she is always mad at me for every little thing when I get a bad grade she calls me stupid cow and things like that I’m scared to tell her I want to live with my dad she always says I don’t trust you echt.im only 12 and can’t take it anymore im scared to go home every day after school because I’m scared she found something out about me that she’s going to be mad about I love school because of this...

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,
      Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline, it seems like you are going through a tough situation and are faced with your mom treating you in a way you don’t deserve to be. Home should be a place you feel safe, instead of a place you are afraid to return to. It makes sense to want to go to your father’s house where hopefully you aren’t called mean names and have a supportive parent.
      Without knowing the full details as to your parent’s relationship at this point it seems safe to at least assume they are separated or living in different places since you can consider going to your father’s as a potential solution. Your parents might have a custody agreement that defines how much each of them gets to spend time with you or make decisions for you as a guardian. If you wanted to live with your dad it might be helpful to reach out to him first to see if that is something he would be able to try and make happen or not before sharing your feelings with your mom. This might save you having to have a tough conversation before knowing all your options. Your dad might have partial custody and be able to just come and pick you up, or your dad might need to sue for custody in order for you to legally stay with him full time instead. If you and him need we can look up some legal aid resources in your area if you need help starting that process.
      What you have described could potentially be you experiencing emotional abuse which may be reportable against your mother. Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.
      If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

      Please be safe and reach out soon by phone or chat so that we may help.
      Take care,
      NRS

  • #88
    my mom and dad divorced when I was 8 and i was forced to live with my mom i have not the best relationship with my mom and i do with my dad my mom will not let me live with my dad how can i move in with my dad oh and I am thirteen now.
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 08-20-2020, 12:57 AM.

    Comment


    • ccsmod4
      ccsmod4 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello,
      Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

      We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We are not legal experts but usually it may take an agreement between your parent’s and or them going back to court to amend the current agreement. You might consider talking with your dad about your wishes and see how he feels about it.

      We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

      Take care,
      NRS

  • #89
    I want to live with my dad but my mom has custody of me. My dad and mom got divorced around 5 years ago and I was 8. I am not 13 and wanting to live with my dad. My mom claimed by dad was an acholohic and on first hand knowledge that was not true in fact my step dad drinks more than my dad ever did. Anyway i have been suffering from what i believe to be depression. It feels like all this sorrow is coming down on me and holding me against my will. Yet when i am with my dad it all goes away. I feel free and i am always smiling. I want to tell my mom i want to move in with my dad but im afriad she will yell at me or say no. But if she does say no I am prepared to bring this to court.

    Comment


    • ccsmod0
      ccsmod0 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,
      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It may be helpful to have your dad or another family member help you talk with your mom about allowing you to stay with him. We also offer a conference call service, iin which we can talk with you and your mom by phone to help facilitate the conversation. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
      If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
      We hope to hear from you soon.
      Be safe, NRS

  • #90
    i am currently 16 and i dont know my father and i want to stay with him for a while to get to know him however my mom has full custody of me and wont even let me talk to him what do i do?

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      Thank you so much for contacting us here at the National Runaway Safeline! It sounds like you have been put in a really tough spot and not being able to reach out to your father could be pretty upsetting. We understand reaching out can be really difficult and it takes a lot of courage.

      We are not legal experts, but we do have some general knowledge around leaving home. The easiest way to leave home is with your mom's permission, but it seems like this may not be an option and you know your mother best. If you leave home without your mom's permission, parents are generally obligated to contact the police to file a runaway report. This means that if you were to come into police custody, they would most likely return you home. Leaving home is generally not illegal, but there are laws called Harboring a Runaway. These are meant to hold folks accountable who house runaways or youth who have left home without permission.

      It could be a good idea talking to a friend or trusted adult to see if they can help you talk to your mom or if they have other ideas. We are also always here to help you brainstorm, explore options, or help connect you with resources that may be in your area. You can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or live chat with us through our website https://www.1800runaway.org/. We are here 24/7 and we are happy to support you in any way that we can. Please do not hesitate to reach back out.

      Best of luck,
      NRS
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