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I want to live with my father but my mother has custody.

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  • #46
    I’m 17 years old and want to live with my mother to finish my education, the only thing stopping me is that my dad has full custody and my dad doesn’t want to let me live with her. Since I’m almost at the age of being an adult I was wondering if i could just leave and go live with my mom without getting the police involved

    Comment


    • ccsmod7
      ccsmod7 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like you are in a tricky situation wanting to live with your mom, but your dad with full custody will not allow you.

      We are not legal experts and police response varies by location, so we can unfortunately only respond generally to your question. Police could take a runaway report for you if you leave without permission before you turn 18, and if they follow the law to a T, if you are found you could be returned home. However, if they are aware that you are safe at your mom's place, they might not consider it a runaway situation, rather a civil issue that should be settled in court. Since you are 17, it could also help police have a lesser response and they might not return you home. If you haven't already, you might ask your mom if she is willing and able to go to court, or if she could talk to a local police officer to see how they would respond if you did move in with her.

      We hope this information is helpful, please call or chat if you would like to talk more: 1800runaway.org; 1-800-RUNAWAY.

      Best,

      NRS

  • #47
    I hate my step dad and he is verbally abusive to me and my mom hits me .I want to live with my father. What should I do?

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension and maltreatment. You deserve to live somewhere where you feel safe and secure. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

      You mentioned some things about your mom hitting you that raises concern for your safety and well-being. Absolutely no one deserves to be abused. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. It may be a good idea to speak with your dad directly about the abuse that is going on and your desire to live with him.

      If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      Stay safe,
      NRS

  • #48
    I am 16 years old my Mom was either dating or married when she had me but when she had me it wasn’t with the guy she was dating or married to so when I was born she put the guy she was dating or married to on my birth certificate instead of my actual father when I was about 6 my mom made him leave and told me he wasn’t my father till I was about 12 he would text her saying he wanted to see me she let me go see him and when I can back she said he would text for the next time he wanted to see me I waited and thought he forgot about me turns out she tried getting back together with him but he said no so she blocked him but me and him kept in touch I tried to tell her I wanted to go live with him but she said no so I waited a few years till I was 16 I’m finally 16 and old enough to decide who I want to live with is it possible to live with my dad if he isn’t on my birth certificate and if I got a dna test proving he is my father how long would it take for me to go live with him

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what's been going on. It must be really frustrating to have your mom try to limit the interaction between you and your father. It may be a good idea to speak with your father directly about proving familial relation and transferring custody. It should be noted that this could possibly involve family courts and there may be a need to get a lawyer involved. If you'd like, you can check out https://www.lawhelp.org/find-help/ to find a legal aid group in your area that could be of assistance.

      If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      Stay safe,
      NRS

  • #49
    What can I do to live with my dad when my mom won’t let me

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there, thanks for reaching out! It sounds like your are very unhappy living with your mom and that you prefer to stay with your dad more long-term.
      We are not legal experts, and things can get a little complicated depending on custody arrangements. Perhaps you could talk to your dad about getting full legal custody through the courts. We do offer conference calling here if you would like help starting a conversation about all of this with either of your parents. Call us anytime at 1-800-786-2929 to do that!

      We are here by chat and phone 24/7. Call us at 1-800-786-2929, or live chat through the button at the top of this site.

      It shows tremendous strength to reach out and we are here to support you through this very difficult time.

  • #50
    i want to live with my dad but i have heard my mom say she has custody before so i dont know what to do i want to move out because my mom makes me clean and and yes i understand chores are a thing but i literally do everything i clean the floors sweep mop as well as clean the bathroom i share with my mom that she has never once cleaned herself even though we share it she even has me do her laundry and clean my brothers room etc and when i forget to put her clothes in the dryer i get in trouble..... She claims she shouldn’t have to come home from work and clean but me and my older brother both work and she still makes us clean she threatens to not let me see my boyfriend anymore and is threatening to not let me work anymore because i went and got my nails done with my own money when she didn’t want me to but literally told me the day before i could go and then switches up the day i have my nail appointment i texted her saying please i want to get my nails done she flips on me then says “I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU ********ING DO ANYMORE...DON'T ********ING TALK TO ME!” i have all text proof so i go get my nails done then she starts texting me flipping out saying “YOU'RE PUSHING IT WITH ME LITTLE GIRL!! ********ING WAIT UNTIL I GET HOME.. BASICALLY YOU SAID ******** YOU TO ME THAT YOU WERE GONNA DO WHAT YOU WANT!.. LITTLE GIRL GO THE ******** BACK AND READ THE TEXT I SENT YOU THIS MORNING!! I CLEARLY SAID YOU COULD NOT GO AND YOU KNOW DAMNED WELL I SAID NO! WHERE DO YOU GET THAT I SAID YOU COULD GO???!!! WTF MAN!! even though she literally told me “I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU ********ING DO ANYMORE...DON'T ********ING TALK TO ME!” i am 17 and my mother literally threatens to not let me work i feel like a slave in my own home. So can someone please help ?

    Comment


    • ccsmod6
      ccsmod6 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline. We’re so sorry to hear about your situation! It’s understandable how frustrated you must be!! There is nothing stopping you from moving out to live with dad but if you did and your mom was to file a runaway report with the police and you are found, there is the chance that you could get sent back to live with your mom and if the report was filed your dad could possibly get charged with harboring a runaway. You mentioned that you’re 17, with that being said, considering how long it takes until the day you turn 18 and are legally an adult it might be best to wait it out until you can legally move out without the risks of being sent back to mom. In the meantime, maybe think of ways to create living at home more manageable. Consider the hobbies you are interested in and utilize those as an escape route for you, for example art, music or discussing your thoughts and feelings with friends or other family members or trusted adults at school like a teacher or a counselor or even trusted people whom you work with could be beneficial to talk out your feelings to. If you would like to explore options further you could give us a call at 1800RUNAWAY and we are here 24/7 anytime to help.
      Best of luck,
      NRS

  • #51
    i’m 14 and i want to live with my dad. my parents aren’t married, they’ve always been boyfriend and girlfriend. growing up my mom would always yell at me, she’d hit me, and she put this constant pressure on me that i need to be perfect at everything or else i’ll fail. it got to the point where if i didn’t get high marks on a test i wouldn’t show her because she’d yell at me about how if i keep getting these marks i wouldn’t go anywhere in life, half the time i’d only be getting 70/100 or something. she called me trashy and a “hoe” on more than one occasion. she makes me feel bad about my image, i already have bad body image issues and she just makes them worse. and, i hate this the most, she keeps me away from the family on my dad side. i’ve always been closer to my family on his side, i thought of my cousins as sisters. she never once told me “you can’t see/hang out with *one of her relatives*” i feel like i can’t tell her anything because i feel like i’ll be judged or yelled at. she also doesn’t give me privacy or freedom. but my dad, he never raised his voice at me once, he always told me i can be what i want to be and not to listen to my family members when they say “you have to be this, you have to be that”. he respects my privacy and doesn’t dig around my room or go through my phone. he tells me “it’s your life it’s your body i’m not gonna tell you what you cant do. you have a brain you can think for yourself” my dad tells me that he’d like to live where he is originally from (a different part of the province roughly 10 hours away from where we live now). he has a small house there from when he lived there for a few months because he got a job. i want to bring up the idea of moving with him, but i know my mom wouldn’t allow that because his family is up there. we go up there to visit on holidays because i got a lot of family up there. sometimes i just feel like staying up there. i feel stuck here, i just want to leave.

    Comment


    • ccsmod6
      ccsmod6 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks so much for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like you have been dealing with so much for so long, and it makes sense that you’d be looking for a way out of that environment.
      First of all, the behavior from your mom you’re describing is emotional abuse, and it is never ok. No one deserves to be put down or insulted like that. You have the right to report this abuse to the authorities any time by calling the police, telling a teacher at school, or calling Child Help, an anonymous 24/7 hotline for people in the U.S. and Canada at 1-800-422-4453. They can answer any questions you might have about the reporting process and what could happen.
      We’re not legal experts, but in general, you need your legal guardian’s permission to leave home while you’re a minor. In the U.S., if you leave without your guardian’s permission, you are considered a runaway and the police can bring you home. If your dad does not have custody of you, he would not be your legal guardian. You mentioned a province, so if you are in Canada, unfortunately because we’re based in the U.S. we cannot offer any insight into Canadian legal situations. A resource in Canada that you might try is Kid's Help Phone 1-800-668-6868 https://kidshelpphone.ca/what-is-kids-help-phone.
      We are here for you 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929 if you’d like to talk more about your situation or brainstorm other options. It shows how strong you are that you are reaching out for help and thinking through your next move.

  • #52
    I am forced to live with my father by a judge who was best friends with my father's lawyer. My mother was investigated and deemed to be a fit and good person and she is a Christian. My father has money and so I live in an abusive house. He cusses if I have to go to the ER and doctor. I have health problems and living with him and the stress only makes things worse. He threatens me daily about making me ride the school bus when my mom comes and takes me to school each day and picks me up. She helps me with my homework, quizzes me on my tests and I make excellent grades. My mother is not rich, but rich in love and caring. She does not want any child support and all I want is my father to keep me on his insurance until i graduate high school. He can carry me as a dependent. We don't care about the money, but I deserve some happiness as my childhood has been such a hurtful and horrific mess I have thought of killing myself. If it were not for my mom and family, I would have done so already. I will be 16 in a few months. My father has a lot of pull in the court system and would never agree to my emancipating myself. He never shows any affection, congratulates me on my good grades, never gives me anything. His sister is so twisted she gave me pink shoe strings one Christmas and a screw driver the next, and I have no idea what that is about. They never wish me a happy birthday. I believe my father's mother's side of the family has sent me gifts of money since I was small and I discovered the cards, but I have never seen a dime of the gifts and he makes a lot of money in his job. I would like to be able to be happy my sophomore and senior year of high school. My mom's family has money to send me to college if I don't get a scholarship. My health requires my room stay no more than 70 degrees and my father refuses to move the air from 77 which might not seem like a big deal, but it affects my health. My mother comes and cleans my room and bath. She buys all my clothes and all my food. She still tucks me in at night and I get lots of love and hugs from her and my family (on my mother's side). I don't know where to turn because my father and his family are such powerful people in our county that I don't stand a chance of getting away from him. Please give me advice.

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what's been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It sounds like you're in a sticky situation with this custody agreement at play. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your dad so you have a safe environment where you can express your desire to live with your mom and your need for your medical issues to be taken care of.

      If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.
      Stay safe,
      NRS

  • #53
    My mom and dad got split up when I was in 1st grade. My mom and dad just didn’t like each other. My dad is a chill guy who spends time with me and my sister and is really nice. But my mom(person I live with now) is really the total opposite. She has anger issues and screams at every little thing. Sock on the ground she yells. Playing a game with friends when my mom wasn’t told even though I haven’t used my game time SCREAMED AT. She swears way to much. And talks ******** about my dad all the time. I had dust on my desk and she loses her ********. I stayed up until 3:30 AM trying to clean it and when I woke up my mom scolded me for not finishing the job. She says I lie all the time. Like if I have a good time with a friend she says I didn’t. I don’t like her. And I came on to this website to figure out how to live with my dad instead of my mom.

    Comment


    • #54
      My mom and dad got split up


      Hello,
      Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

      We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you are trying to decide what to do about leaving home from your mom and staying with your dad. We understand being frustrated by a situation. It’s good that you are taking your time out to think about the situation.
      One thing might help during a difficult time is by making a check list to see if you have done all that you can to resolve whatever conflict you might be having about something or someone (mom). Next is to examine how you have attempted to do this. Consider what the best form of communication is to get across your feelings about the situation.
      It is also important that you remember to exercise self- care.

      We would like to be of assistance to you if we can. It is times like these that it would be nice to have a listening ear.
      We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

      We hope to hear from you soon.

      Take care,
      NRS
      Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

      National Runaway Safeline
      [email protected] (Crisis Email)
      1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

      Tell us what you think about your experience!
      https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

      Comment


      • #55
        My mother and father had me at the age of 19 years old, due to such a young age the both of them made plenty of mistakes back in there time. When I had first been born my father was not in the labor room because he was not contacted and so as to that he is not on my birth certificate; my mother had put him down as unknown. My mother than got full custody and after awhile he fought for visitation rights. He's tried to call me every now and then but my mother would pretend as if he's never called. He's stopped sending birthday cards since 2014 due to him thinking we weren't going to get them anyway. He's tried to do what he can. Back in 2016 my mom got married and wanted to change our last names. My dad fought and said he didn't want that to happen but later on we were given the chance to write letters and so under the influence i wrote what I thought I wanted only being so young and having the mindset that my dad was just a piece of crap anyway. I am currently at the age of 16 and turning 17 in April. My mother had been married to a guy for five years and he was the "fill in" of my biological dad. As to the last year of the marriage eventually came to an end and they got divorced he started to get verbal and very rude. Not to mention the man had 0 custody of me. This summer I decided I had no interest and being of age as well that I did not want to stay with her ex husband anymore. As to that should be my choice but recently my mother has been drinking and threatening me but when i confront her i'm automatically wrong due to her being stubborn. My mom has said explicit things even just me walking by her. So because of my "bad behavior" she is forcing me to stay at her ex husbands because he's my "dad". I don't want to be there at all but i'm being forced. I've been in touch with my dad and he's getting papers done getting ready to file for custody. What do I do?? I want to live with my real dad.

        Comment


        • ccsmod2
          ccsmod2 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hello There,
          Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a really stressful and difficult time. You do not deserve to be told explicit things, if you feel this is verbal abuse you can always report it. You can make a verbal abuse report by calling Child Help at: 1800-422-4453. Also when your mother is drinking and threating you that can be scary. You can contact SAMHSA (substance abuse & mental health services administration at: 1877-726-727.
          It is great that your father is getting the papers to see if he can get custody over you. We are not legal experts but you may want to wait until the court has granted him custody. If you do leave without permission your mother could file a runaway report. If the police do find you they most likely would bring you back home.
          We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any more questions or would like to explore options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and provide support. We wish you the best of luck!
          NRS
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