I want to live with my father but my mother has custody.

[Guest]

My parents were always neck and neck when I was a baby now I'm almost 13 and the battle is on, I want to live with my dad but my mom always wants me to live with her ALWAYS, every time I talk to her about it she says "Over my dead body!!" or "You came from me and baby, quite frankly, you will stay with me till I'm dead or you're off to college!". My dad and I have always been closer and my mom hates it so much she has attempted to change her interests to fit with mine. My dad is going to court tomorrow to see what can happen but I have to be 14 to have the courts full attention (I have researched lots and this was on every site for Indiana custody law). My dad has my dog and my trust, he has also been the most stable home I've had, my mom moves a lot and gets married and divorced off and on a lot. I'm used to adjusting to new places by now but I'm still confused. My mom doesn't want to talk and my dad has no legal say until we go to court. PLEASE HELP!!! What do I do??

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe, NRS

[Guest]

My parents have been split up literally for as long as I can remember and my mom has moved us at least 8-10 times in the past 12 years, whereas my dad has never moved but once because he got married and I want to live with him but I can't, or my mom says "Over my dead body!" I love them both but time with my dad and step-mom sounds really good right now, I have plans to run away but I'm still debating. I want my mom to have my stress off of her and my dad says that I can live with him if I want but I'm just so confused, and I want this to be legal when I move, but I have to be 14 to have my opinion fully weighed in, in Indiana custody law. What do I do? Can you help, please?

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline, we know it takes courage to reach out and we are so glad that you did. Moving a lot can be really frustrating and we are sorry you had to go through that. One option could be talk to your mother about how you are feeling. At NRS we offer conference calling where if you call us we would call out to your mother and help you have a conversation. Conference calling allows you to be heard and we are there for support and to mediate the conversation. Another option could be to file for emancipation, although in some states you have to be 15 or 16 to file. We are not legal experts but we do have general information on the laws. If you were leave home without permission you could be considered as a runaway. If the police were to find you they would most likely bring you back home. You could also talk to a school counselor about how you are feeling, sometimes talking to a professional can help us feel better.
We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to talk more please give us a call we are here 24/7. We wish you the best of luck!
NRS

[Guest]

I wnt to live with my dad very bad. My mom has threatened me many times to slap me in the face. Today she threatened to swing some camera and hit me on the head until its in pieces . What do i do. Someone please respond

[Guest]

I'm 17 and I want to live with my dad but my mom has custody of me am I at the age to we're I can choose who I want to live with?

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

I don’t know what to do. I’m 14 and am currently living in with my mom and 12 year old brother. My mother has started to get addicted to nicotine and she’s hiding it from us but I was able to figure it out and have proof. She has been constantly yelling at me for almost every single thing I do and says “she’s done being stepped all over” by me and my brother. She gets mad at the simplest things. But, ever once and a while, we get along and it’s nice. That only lasts about a couple hours and then it’s back to arguing. I love my mom and I want to stay with her, but at the same time I feel like I would be happier with my dad. If I asked my mom if I could live with my dad, I have no idea what she would do. My brother has no idea what is happening. My dad knows that I’m considering living with him. I only see him every two weeks and only for two days. I don’t know if I should risk hurting my mom so much by asking her or if I should just deal.

[ccsmod10]

Thank you for reaching out to us and telling us your story. It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time right now and we hope to be able to help. Addiction can be hard for a person to deal with, but no one deserves to be yelled at consistently for everything they do. How frustrating. We are not legal experts but when it comes to parental rights generally who ever has full custody is technically the parent the youth is to stay with. If you were to runaway and your mom has full custody, she could file a runaway report and the police could bring you home. If you runaway to your dad’s things could get tricky. When you runaway from one parent to another generally the police refer you to court to settle the issues. You could consider calling your local non-emergency police department to ask about their policies. We also have legal aid resources here if you have specific questions about the laws in your state.

If you don’t feel safe and feel like you need to get away Nationalsafeplace.org provides a safe location for you to meet a staff member who can take you to a designated place where you can discuss all options about how to stay safe. You can text 44357 the word “safe,” and your location to find a safe location in your area. Once you arrive let someone who works there know you need help connecting with a staff member.

One service we can offer is to conference call with your parents. This way you could have a conversation with your parents but you would not be alone. For example, it may be hard for you to explain to your mom how you feel and why you want to go live you’re your dad. Sometimes those conversations go better in a conference call because we can advocate for you. If you want to reach us, you can chat with us anytime at 1800runaway.org or call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We’re here 24/7, and we are ready to listen and help however we can.

Wish you the best.
-NRS

[Guest]

I am 16, and I want to live with my father. My mom will not allow it willingly because of past alcohol issues, of course he is much better now. My mom has kept my father out of my life my whole life, i've only just gotten back in contact with him this past year. It isn't fair of her to do this, and in result it caused me a lot of depression and trust issues in our family. My father and I have talked about it and he'd love to have me, but the issue is I don't have the money for a lawyer and I would rather keep it an outta court issue until it HAS to be brought to court. He still has all his rights to me, would me going to live with him without my mothers permission be a run away? I'd really like some answers.

[ccsmod2]

Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are facing a difficult dilemma at this time. It’s understandable why you would feel it’s unfair to be kept away from your father. It appears that your mother may just be a bit worried for your safety due to his past issues with alcoholism. However, it’s understandable that building a healthy and trustworthy relationship with both of your parents are both equally important to you. It sounds like your father stills has split custody over you, therefore it doesn’t appear that going to visit your father may pose an issue. It may be wise to consult with a legal professional in regards to this matter and to check what your rights are when it comes down to choosing which parent to live with. Whether or not if you would be classified as a runaway would depend on who has legal custody over you and who is considered the primary parent. If you need a legal referral to seek any legal advice please feel free to contact our hotline at 1800-runaway or come chat with us at 1800runaway.org

[Guest]

I am 14 and my mother and I live with her boyfriend and his daughter. I want to live with my dad. My mother has custody of me. She yells at me and blames me for everything. My father, on the other hand left two years ago to get away form my mom's lies and bs. My dad has always been there for me and wants me to live with him but my mom attacked him last time I went down to Floridia form Vermont to spend the holidays with him.

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,

Hey there!

Thank you so much for contacting us during this difficult time in your life. We’re sorry you are experiencing so much difficulty at home. It can be so tough when the people who are supposed to support you let you down. It is very courageous of you to reach out instead of sitting with what is happening to you in your life. Especially if it is extreme enough for you to consider moving out. You do not deserve to feel this way.

Unfortunately, because your mom is the one who had custody, if you were to leave your house it might be considered running away. Running away is something that you can decide for yourself. Many times running away is a better option if a person is in a terrible situation. It can be safer. No one knows what is better for you but yourself. However, before you make any decision, it is important to know the legal ramifications of running away. Please note that we are not legal experts and these laws may differ from state-to-state, county-to-county. Running away is not illegal, but it does constitute a status offense. This does not go on your permanent record, but the Juvenile Justice System may become involved. Your mom (legal guardian) will have to file a runaway report with the police for the police to come looking for you. It is important to call you call your local police station to find out the exact laws for your area. We can also conference call with you to your local station to find them out if you are uncomfortable doing this yourself. You can block your number if you call them if decide to find out the laws. The other runaway law to be aware of is “harboring a runaway.” This is a serious legal offense that applies to anyone over 18 who you stay with—friends, friends’ parents, family members, etc. If asked by the police, they will have to surrender you over to the police’s custody. However, this only applies if the police find you. If you call in, we can help you find a local youth shelter in your area if you choose to leave. With your dad’s case, if he were to drive to meet you and pick you up he may be charged with child trafficking or kidnapping because it is across state lines. Just something to keep in mind. If you were to live with your father you would need the permission of your legal guardian (your mom).

You are in a tough situation. A good resource might be your school. If you do feel comfortable there, maybe pursuing your school’s counseling services may help you. If you have any teachers you like and trust, you may also be able to divulge what is happening at home to them. Warning: schools and teachers are mandated reporters which means that if you tell them about the abuse they will have to contact CPS. Something to consider as well is to get involve with extracurricular activities. This will keep you at school and delay having to come home right after. It may even get you out of the house on weekends depending on the activity.

Please reach out to us if you need any additional help. We can strategize with you and may be able to help you with additional resources. You can reach us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We would love, love, love to hear from you in person. We will not leave you. You are important.

Sincerely,

NRS

[Guest]

I want to live with my dad so I am 16 and My mom yells at me over everything I do and when I ask her if I can see dad or stay with him for a bit she yells and says no. my dad and mom use to fight and my dad did hit my mom but he has never hit me or my siblings and I thought about just getting the court to see my side and let my dad have custody of me but it cost money. what should I do please help me figure out what is the right thing to do?

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe, NRS

[Guest]

I don’t know what I want, If I want to be with my dad or just stay with my mom. My mom is always getting mad at me and say hurtful things that bring me down and make me cry, my dad doesn’t do that. She always thinks I have an attitude when I don’t and I get very depressed. I was with my dad for a couple day and just got back home , I am super sad and miss him a lot and my mom gets mad that I miss him. I don’t know if I should tell him I want to live with him or just stay here with my mom

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,

You mentioned wanting to know how you can leave home before turning 18. The easiest way to leave home is with your mom’s permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your mom. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.

Please reach out soon so that we may offer support and resources to you. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

Be safe,

NRS

[Guest]

How do I live with my dad in stead of my mom she has custody over me but I want to live with my dad

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,

You mentioned wanting to know how you can leave home before turning 18. The easiest way to leave home is with your mom’s permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your mom. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.

Please reach out soon so that we may offer support and resources to you. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

Be safe,

NRS

[Guest]

I am a 15 year old girl, and I am having some issues with my family I live with. I feel like I can not trust my family at all, and some people smoke weed in the house I live at. My mom had asked the other day if I wanted to live with my father and I told her no, which at that time I had never thought about it but I got more and more into thinking about it. I would want to know live with him, and I asked my mom if she would consider it if I asked. She said no, but I want to for a fresh start away from the school I go to. I did some reading and it said that the choice would weight on my decision but I don’t know if that is true or not. I am just wondering on what I should do.

[ccsmod16]

Hi,

Thank you for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like you are having a hard time at home and maybe at school too. We aren’t able to tell you what you should do, but we can help you try identify some options to help your situation to be better or to clarify things with your mom.

At first is sounds like she asked if you wanted to live with your father, but when you eventually did say yes, she said that you couldn’t. That can be frustrating and confusing. And the fact that you thought deeply about the issue and have done some reading and having found us, you sound like such an intelligent person. You might want to think about talking with your dad about this, and about feeling like you can’t trust your family. Maybe he and your mom can negotiate a different arrangement for you.

Given that there is a lot of information not included, we invite you to contact us either by calling our hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or through our livechat available at 1800runaway.org

By communicating either of these ways, we can help you to clarify your options and figure out what you’d like to do.

Sincerely, NRS

[Guest]

im 16 and my mom was given full custody of me and my brothers because my mom and my dad had a domestic violence issue in the past where they both hit each other but never did my dad ever put a hand on us .. lately I've been trying to tell my mom to let me go and whenever i do mention it she will get aggressive and hit me until she marks me she says its dicipline because I've been missing classes and fallen behind and its only because I've been stressed about living with her she will hit us for the simplest reasons, for example if we don’t wash the dishes by the time she gets home shell hit us or if we don’t clean up our room on certain days. There was one specific day where i left with my dad without her permission after she had beaten me and she called the cops and gave them my phone where she had seen pictures of me with no clothes and she told the officers i was sending them to older men which i was not , she said the detectives said i need to stay with her but nothing is being done she keeps hitting me every day and i really dont wanna be with her i have a closer relationship with my father and she wont take me to court to make arrangements to move with him im at the point were i wanna just up and go but i dont wanna cause problems to my dad what can i do ?

[ccsmod3]

Hey there,
Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you are experiencing a difficult time with your living situation, and we are here to help in any way we can.
You mentioned that your mom hits you until she marks you. No child deserves to be abused, no matter what the situation. If you ever find yourself in immediate danger, please call 9-1-1. Child Help is the National Child Abuse Hotline. If you are interested, they can help you file an abuse report against your mom. Their website is childhelp.org and their toll-free phone number is 1-800-422-4453. That can be a very difficult call for you to make on your own. If you are considering reporting your abuse but would like support in doing so, you are welcome to call in here to the National Runaway Safeline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We will talk a bit about your situation and then call out to Child Help with you.
You said that your mom won’t take you to court to make arrangements to move in with your dad. It is hard feeling like you have a solution that will work for everyone but you don’t feel heard. If there is anyone in your life that has a good relationship with both you and your mom, maybe a trusted friend or family member, sometimes it is helpful to ask them to sit down and mediate a conversation. Then, knowing you have support from someone both you and your mom trust, you can try to express what you are feeling and maybe come to a compromise. We also have a conference calling service here at NRS, where you would call in, we would talk to you a bit, then call out to your mom, talk with her, and then connect the call. We remain on the line so that the discussion between you and your mom can stay positive and compromise-driven. I do, however, want to let you know that we here at NRS are mandated reporters. Since you have described abuse, to do the conference calling service we will need identifying information, such as parent name and phone number, and with that information we would be required by law to make an abuse report. We want to let you know that so that if you do decide to use the conference calling service, that choice to report is a conscious decision you are making as well!
You said you are at the point where you want to just up and go but don’t want to cause problems for your dad. It is really smart of you to be thinking in advance so that you are sure that your leaving can be a longer term solution that works out for everyone. We are not legal experts, but our understanding is that running away is not illegal; it is considered a status offense, or simply something you can’t do because of your age. Many times, if a runaway report is filed and the police find your location, their priority is to return you home. Specifics vary by police department, so you can contact your local non-emergency number to try and better understand how they handle runaway cases. If you would like, we are happy to make that call for you anonymously. To do this, just call into us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), and let us know you would like us to find out more information from your local police department.
If you have any other questions or would like to talk through any of these or other options further, feel free to give us a call at anytime at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are a 24/7, toll-free, completely confidential safeline. Here to listen, here to help.
Best of luck,
NRS

[Guest]

I made an election to live with my father- my two sisters elected for equal custody - and somehow the judge heading our case decided to put me with my mother full time with no extended visits. My father and I have a much stronger relationship than I do with my mother. Whenever I bring up me wanting to live with my father, my mom and step dad just yell at me and talk about how I’ll realize how terrible it is and “you’ll rot there.” My parents had divorced when I was 6 (now 14) and up until sept 2018 we had a 50/50 custody arrangement. A month after my 14th birthday I asked my dad if I could write up an election - after hearing about it from my friend. I wrote and election saying I wanted my father to have primary custody of me with extended time with my mother - I’m now in my mother’s custody with no extended visits from my father. How is this even possible? Shouldn’t my election have made it a done deal?

[ccsmod7]

Hi there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like you are in a tight spot being placed with your mom after you asked to be with your dad. That does seem really unfair, and it does not make sense that they completely removed your dad's custody rights after you asked to solely live with him.

Unfortunately, we are not legal experts or custody experts by any means so we do not know why or how that could have happened. However if you call or chat us, we can provide you with local legal aid organizations' information if you would like to get legal help with your custody situation. If you have any way to get a hold of your dad, you might ask about what happened to try to get a better idea of why the courts placed you with your mom. If you have no way to talk to your dad, you might try to ask your sisters to help relay your message to him. You deserve to have your questions answered, and to understand why you are not with your dad.

Please do not hesitate to call or chat if you have questions, need legal resources, or need to talk. We can explore your situation, go over all your options, and come up with a plan and resources to deal with your situation over the phone or on live chat.

We are looking forward to hearing from you soon, 1-800-RUNAWAY; www.1800runaway.org.

Best of luck,

NRS

[Guest]

My parents divorced when I was 3 and my little sister was 1 when the divorced my mom had custody now I'm 12 and I just finished school my mom always moves so I have to change schools every one to two years and I want to live with my dad cause he is more settled

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe, NRS